Snow Falls

chapter Twenty-Two



Ryan slowed as she drove into Lake City, just past Slumgullion, thankful that now, in early May, the tourists weren’t yet out and about. It felt good to get out, to drive around. She glanced in the rearview mirror, smiling as Kia and Sierra hung out the opened window, their tongues flapping in the breeze. Yes, they were probably glad to get off the mountain too.

Even though it was a cool day, she parked in the shade, cracking the windows enough to allow the girls some air. She headed directly to the sheriff’s office, hoping to catch Reese. The bell above the door signaled her arrival, and she smiled, wondering how many times she’d heard Reese say she was going to take that damn bell down. Eloise, the office manager, greeted her with a hug, something Ryan secretly loved.

“You just missed her. Googan had a flat, and of course, he had no spare. Up on Shelf Creek Road,” Eloise said.

“I’ll go see if I can find Morgan then. Just tell Reese I stopped by.”

“Sure will. Good to see you again, Ryan.”

Of course she was barely out the door before Eloise picked up the phone. Calling Berta at the ranger station, no doubt. She’d been told early on that Eloise and Berta knew everything that happened in Lake City. Ryan knew there was no chance to surprise Morgan. Not in this town.

As she expected, Morgan was waiting for her when she reached the station. After a tight hug and a quick kiss on her cheek, Morgan stepped away, head tilted to the side.

“My God, you need a haircut.”

Ryan laughed. “I know. I nearly took scissors to it myself.”

Morgan linked arms with her. “Come on. Let’s go to Stella’s.”

Ryan stopped. “Oh, no. Reese said she’s like a hundred years old. No way am I letting her touch my hair.”

“She’s got a young girl working for her now. It’s perfectly safe. Reese loves her.”

Ryan ran her fingers through her hair, remembering how she’d had to talk herself out of shearing it off just last week. So she gave in. “Okay. I’ll give her a try.”

“Great. Then I’ll treat you to a burger at Sloan’s. We’ll catch up.”

“Burger and a beer,” she said. “Cold draft beer.”

“We can manage that.” Morgan again linked their arms as they walked. “Is that one of the things you missed? Burgers and beer?”

“Yeah. And I missed you guys. A lot. This last month has been tough.”

“Really? After your company left?”

“What do you mean by that?”

Morgan stopped in the front of Stella’s Hair Salon. “We really liked Jen. She spent two days with us.”

Ryan raised her eyebrows. “Why?”

“She got a flight out of Gunnison. I drove her up there.” Morgan paused. “We talked.”

“Oh? And?”

Morgan grinned. “Just...we talked.” Morgan shoved her inside the door. “Let’s get you a haircut.”

A young girl sat at a salon chair, reading a magazine. She smiled as they came in.

“Morgan, I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Hi, Amber. And we’re not here for me. This is my friend Ryan. And she’s in desperate need of a cut as you can see. Do you have time?”

“I have twenty minutes before Mrs. Engle shows up,” she said. She stood, then motioned Ryan into the chair. “Just a trim...or—”

“I usually keep it a little shorter than this,” Ryan said.

Amber glanced at Morgan. “Like Reese?”

“Not that short,” Ryan quickly said.

“No?” Amber combed through her hair with her fingers. “Layered?”

“I don’t own a blow-dryer so nothing that requires ‘fixing.’ And I don’t do gel.”

Amber smiled. “Yes, I figured you for the natural type.”

Ryan looked at Morgan. “What does that mean?”

Morgan laughed. “That you are the no-fuss lesbian type.”

“Look, just start cutting and I’ll tell you when to stop,” Ryan said.

“You have a very handsome face. I think you’d look good with really short hair. I finally talked Reese into it.” Amber glanced at Morgan. “And it fits her perfectly, doesn’t it?”

“Yes. She’s gotten a bit full of herself,” Morgan said with a smile. “Give it a try. It’ll always grow out.”

Ryan looked into the mirror, hardly recognizing herself with a head full of shaggy hair. It would certainly be easier, living like she did, to have short hair. Of course, there was the upcoming trip to The Hamptons to consider. She imagined showing up at the mansion with a boyish cut. She pictured her mother’s face. That sealed the deal. She gave Amber a devilish grin. “Let’s do it.”

She watched as five months’ worth of hair fell to the floor. As it got shorter and shorter, she very nearly changed her mind. And when Amber brought out clippers and sorted through the guards, coming up with a number six to start, she nearly bolted from the chair.

“Hold still.”

“It’s kinda short.”

“It’s supposed to be.”

Amber spun her around, keeping her back to the mirror as she went to work with the clippers. The buzzing sound in her ear was nerve-racking, and she locked gazes with Morgan.

“How bad is it?”

Morgan’s smile was genuine. “You look gorgeous.”

Ryan nearly blushed at the compliment. “It’s really short, huh?”

“Yep.” Morgan leaned forward. “Get Reese to tell you about the first time she cut her hair up here. We were in Gunnison because she was afraid to face Stella.”

Amber laughed at that comment. Ryan had actually never met Stella but had heard stories from Reese. The mischievous look in Morgan’s eyes made her curious.

“What about Reese’s cut?”

“No, no. Ask her,” Morgan said with a smile.

A few more passes with the clippers and Amber was finished. Ryan was about to turn to look, but she stopped her.

“Let’s shampoo first.”

Ryan followed her to the back, avoiding mirrors along the way. A quick shampoo and towel dry and Ryan was again sitting in Amber’s chair.

“Okay. Turn around.”

Feeling a bit ridiculous, Ryan slowly turned. Her eyes widened in shock as she brought a hand up to her now very short, short hair.

“Well?” Morgan asked.

Ryan ran her hands over it, loving the feel of it. “I’m not sure. Certainly different.”

“It’s a great style for you,” Amber said. “And as you requested, no ‘fixing’ or gel needed.”

Morgan stood. “Come on, gorgeous. Let’s go get a beer.”

Ryan took two twenties from her pocket and handed them to Amber. “Will that cover it?”

“Sweet. Thanks. And I’ll need to see you every three weeks or so.”

“I’ll try to remember.”

Back out in the sunshine, Ryan paused to look around. Amazing how a new haircut could make everything look brighter, shinier, new. She supposed she would get used to it in time. She wondered what Jen would think of it. She probably wouldn’t recognize her.

“You look great. Quit worrying,” Morgan said.

“Reese is going to tease me.”

“Yes, of course. That’s what big sisters do,” she said easily.

It was said casually, but it made Ryan’s heart swell just the same. Morgan and Reese were good for her. They kept her grounded. They kept her involved. And they loved her.

“Thanks.”

Morgan seemed to understand. She smiled at her warmly. “Sure. Now what about your girls?”

“I’m parked under that big spruce. They’re fine.”

When they got to Sloan’s Bar, Morgan opened the door for her. “You’re buying, right?”

Ryan grinned. “Of course.”

The bar was just as she remembered, smelling of fried food and beer. Tracy was tending bar. She smiled broadly when she spotted them.

“Ryan! Good to see you again.”

Ryan accepted her hug, glad to be back among people she knew. People she called friends.

“It’s great to get off the mountain,” she said. “I’ve been dreaming about a cold draft beer.”

“Love the new haircut. Looks good,” she said with a smile. “Beer coming right up. Morgan?”

“Yep. I left Berta in charge.”

Instead of sitting at the bar, Morgan led them to a booth. Ryan looked at her questioningly.

“I thought we could talk and catch up,” Morgan explained. “Her rental got towed, by the way.”

Ryan didn’t pretend not to know who “her” was. But she wasn’t surprised. She’d heard trucks coming and going for the last week or so, working on the road. The official start of tourist season was only a few weeks away, and that was a popular Jeep route.

“So the road is passable up past my place? That’ll save me about fifteen minutes coming into town then.”

“There are still some ice patches in spots, but your Jeep should be able to make it.” She paused. “We shipped her things to her. From the SUV,” she clarified.

“Here you are, ladies,” Tracy said, carrying two frosty mugs of beer.

Ryan licked her lips, her taste buds coming to life at the sight. “Thanks.” She took a sip immediately, giving Tracy a satisfied moan. “God, that’s good.”

“Great. Yell if you want another.”

“Thanks, Tracy,” Morgan said with a smile. Tracy nodded and left them.

“What?”

“What what?” Morgan asked.

“What was that little silent communication between you two?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Ryan leaned back. “Okay. I get it. What do you want to know?”

Morgan laughed. “What makes you think I don’t already know?”

“So she told you?”

“What a gracious host you were? Yes.”

“And?”

“And? She said you took her sledding. Reese had fun with that. You don’t come across as one who likes to play.”

Ryan ignored that comment. It was true. “And what else?”

Morgan shrugged. “Nothing.” Then she grinned. “Oh. You mean the kiss? Are you talking about that?”

Ryan actually blushed, which embarrassed her further. So, Jen had felt the need to tell Morgan—a complete stranger to her—that they’d shared a kiss. Not just a kiss. A full-fledged precursor to much, much more than kissing.

“That was stupid of me,” she admitted. “I hope I didn’t scar her for life.”

Morgan stared at her. “God, you are clueless, aren’t you?”

“What are you talking about? And why did she tell you, anyway?”

“She needed to talk.” Their eyes met. “She was crying. When she left you, Reese said she was crying.”

Ryan swallowed the lump in her throat, looking away from Morgan. God, why was Jen crying? She should have been happy. She was getting her life back, going back to her home, back to her friends. Back to her fiancé. Her almost fiancé, she corrected. Why would she cry?

“I’ve been really...lonely since she left,” Ryan admitted. She looked at Morgan again. “Why was she crying?”

Morgan shook her head slowly. “You’re such a guy sometimes, I swear.” She raised her hand to Tracy. “Two more,” she called. “Anyway, we shipped her things to her, her luggage from the SUV. She left her address with us.”

“Santa Fe?”

Morgan nodded, then leaned back as Tracy brought them another beer. “I think I’m up for that burger now.” She glanced at Ryan. “You?”

“Yes. The works, with cheese. And lots of lettuce.”

“Lettuce?”

“Been a while without fresh vegetables.”

“I see. Extra lettuce it is.”

Morgan was staring at her, and Ryan shifted uncomfortably. “What?” she finally asked.

“Your hair,” Morgan said. “You look really good. It’s an attractive cut for you.”

Ryan blushed for the second time.

“Anyway, we really liked Jen. She was...refreshing. Very open.”

Ryan nodded. “Yes, she is.”

“You, however, were not.”

“What was I supposed to do? Tell her who I was? By the time I was comfortable enough with her to tell her, it was too late.”

“Because she’s a wannabe writer?” Morgan guessed.

“Yeah. And she’s proud of what she’s already published, and I didn’t want to ruin that for her.” Morgan just shook her head and Ryan shrugged her shoulders. “What?”

“First of all, her books sell quite well,” Morgan said.

“I know. I checked,” Ryan admitted.

“Secondly, not a lot of writers can say they’ve won a Pulitzer, especially not at twenty-two like you did. I think she would have been ecstatic to know that about you.”

“You don’t understand. She was so enthused about her writing, about her plans that I didn’t want to embarrass her.”

“Why would that embarrass her?”

Ryan stared into her mug of beer, wondering if that was just her excuse for not telling Jen or if she really thought that about her. No, Jen wouldn’t have been embarrassed. She would have just asked a hundred more questions than she already had. Ryan could picture her curled up on the sofa, coffee cup in one hand while the other waved about as questions flew from her lips. No, that wasn’t why she didn’t tell her.

“I was afraid,” she admitted to Morgan.

“That she would remember the story? That she would doubt you?”

Ryan nodded. “I didn’t want her to think I was a fraud.”

Morgan studied her for a moment, then leaned back. “Why did you kiss her?”

“Jesus, are you trying to get it all out before Reese finds us?”

Morgan smiled. “Yes. So why?”

“It just kinda happened.”

“That’s all you’re going to say? It just kinda happened?”

Ryan remembered the weeks leading up to Jen’s departure, fighting the attraction she didn’t want, didn’t need. And the surprise she felt when she realized Jen was fighting it too. Although she wasn’t quite certain Jen understood it. Maybe on a more subconscious level, perhaps, but on the surface, she could see the confusion Jen felt. She cared for Jen enough, respected her enough that she didn’t want to do anything to screw up her life. They both knew Jen would be leaving eventually. It wasn’t like an affair would have accomplished anything other than to bring chaos into Jen’s life. She didn’t want to be the cause of that.

But that day, when Jen was leaving, when Jen had taken her hand, she simply couldn’t resist any longer. All the weeks of wanting, of dreaming, had taken its toll. Even then, she still wasn’t sure what Jen’s reaction would be. Would she pull away in shock? Would she slap her? Would she be angry?

“Please kiss me.”

No. She opened to her, like Ryan had dreamed she would. And it was too much to resist. If Reese had been even ten minutes later, there’s no telling how far they would have taken it. And that thought, to this day, caused her body to yearn for something she couldn’t have.

She glanced up at Morgan, not feeling the need to share her thoughts. She shrugged again. “It just happened.”

Morgan stared at her for a long moment, then nodded. “Okay.”

Ryan grinned. “Thanks.”

“Oh, sure. Anytime.”

Ryan laughed. “You’re a wonderful therapist.”

“Yes, I know. Thank you.”

“There you two are. I should have known—what the hell did you do to your hair?”

They both turned at the sound of Reese’s voice. Ryan watched with envy as Morgan and Reese looked at each other, matching smiles on their faces. She’d never seen two people more in love.

“I wondered how long it would take you to find us,” Morgan said.

“I got a tip from Eloise.” Reese stood, staring at her. “Your hair?”

Ryan ran a hand over her now very short hair. “We look like twins now, huh?”

Reese finally sat down. “I imagine Amber got a hold of you. She cuts mine shorter every time I go.”

“Yeah, but I hear you used to get it cut in Gunnison.”

“I was afraid of Stella.”

“Morgan said I should ask you about the first time you got it cut.” Ryan laughed as the normally unflappable Reese Daniels actually blushed. “Wow, this has got to be good.”

Reese glanced at Morgan with a smile. “I think that I was the victim in that instance.”

“Victim? You weren’t acting like the victim at the time, sweetheart. In fact, you were nearly begging—”

“Okay, okay. She doesn’t need to know all that,” Reese said quickly.

“You had sex in the salon?” Ryan guessed.

Reese shook her head. “No. But while we were driving to the grocery store, she attacked me in the truck.”

“Attacked? I was the one driving,” Morgan said.

“Exactly. It’s a wonder we didn’t have a wreck, what with you shoving your hand down my pants and all.”

Ryan laughed with them, again envious of their relationship. It made her wish—hope—that someday she might have that. The closeness that comes with living with someone, sharing thoughts, feelings. Laughing, playing...and loving. She wasn’t all that surprised to find herself picturing Jen’s face at that moment.

“So, are you down just for the day or are you staying?” Reese asked.

“I thought I’d stay the night, if you don’t mind,” she said. “I need to make a run into Gunnison for supplies. Thought I’d do that in the morning.”

“Sounds great. Good excuse to get the grill out. I’d love a steak,” Reese said.

“Are you staying for lunch?” Morgan asked her.

“No. I need to play sheriff. Googan’s got his car over at Sammy’s shop. Flat and no spare, so I’m taking his patrol,” she explained. “You two have fun. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Be careful,” Morgan said.

“Always.”

Morgan had a smile on her face even after Reese was out of sight. “I love that woman,” she said simply.

“I know.”

Before she could say more, Tracy brought their burgers over. Ryan’s mouth watered at the sight.

“Another beer?”

“No thanks, Tracy. But a glass of water would be great,” she said as she reached for her prize. She moaned as she took her first bite. It was sinfully delicious. She had nearly devoured half of hers before Morgan even got started.

“That good, huh?”

“Excellent,” she managed around another bite.

“So what are your plans for the summer?” Morgan asked. “Will we get to see you more often?”

“I imagine so. My writing’s kinda stalled at the moment.”

“Stalled? Why?”

Ryan shrugged. “It happens. It’s the weather,” she said. “I’d rather be out exploring.”

“Well, it’s not like you have a deadline.”

“That’s true,” she said with a grin. “I will have to make a trip out East though. My grandmother’s annual birthday bash.”

“You’re going again? When you came back last year, you said that was your last one.”

“Yeah. I say that every year. But she’s eighty-nine, and she would be terribly hurt if I didn’t go. Besides, it’s for a good cause.”

“You hate charity events,” Morgan reminded her.

“I hate charity events that involve my mother,” Ryan corrected. “I will admit she’s good at it and puts on a good show but that’s all it is to her—a show.”

“It’s for Parkinson’s, right?”

“Yes. My great-grandfather had the disease.”

“So how many years will this be?”

“I think my grandmother was in her forties when she started having these. It’s evolved over the years, and it attracts a lot of celebrities now,” Ryan said with a roll of her eyes. “My mother’s doing.”

“I can see how much you love it,” Morgan said with a laugh.

“I dread it,” Ryan said. “And if it were anyone other than my grandmother, I wouldn’t hesitate to say no.”

“I guess it’s good you’re going. Maybe one of these visits, you and your mother can reconcile your differences.”

“So when I tell you how shallow and superficial she is, you don’t believe me?”

“Yes. I know she comes across as posturing, even on TV, but she’s still your mother. There has to be some connection between you two.”

“No, there isn’t. We have nothing in common. My beliefs are so different than hers. Whatever ambition I had as a child, she tried to curb it. She wanted me to be a replica of her, nothing more than a wealthy woman from a wealthy family marrying into an even wealthier family. That’s what her mother did, that’s what she did. I was supposed to continue the cycle.”

“Your parents, do they have a relationship?”

“You mean, did they marry for love?” Ryan shook her head. “No. That’s not how it works. My father has a mistress.”

“Does your mother know?”

“Of course. And she has her own affairs from time to time. But in public, they come across as a happily married couple. Years of practice, something they learned from their own parents, I’m sure.”

“Do you think that if all of that hadn’t happened with your book, you would have fallen into the same trap?”

Ryan shook her head. “No. I obviously wasn’t going to marry, and my mother finally accepted that I wasn’t just going through a gay ‘phase,’” she said. “She turned her focus to my brother, but he has no intention of settling down. He also has no interest in delving into the family business. Nor do I,” she added.

“Is there a family business? I mean, I know all of the hotels and everything and then the casino, but is that something that your father really has a hand in?”

“President is his official title, not CEO. But it’s still a private company, so he has a lot of power. Actually, my grandmother was still involved with it too, well into her seventies.”

“It’s hard for me to think of you living in that world,” Morgan said.

“I know. And for the last ten years, I haven’t been a part of it. I could never go back.”

She knew that to be true. Going back once a year, to honor her grandmother, was as much as she could stand. Once her grandmother was gone, she wondered if she’d ever go back at all.