We walked out to the kitchen and it felt like a lifetime ago that Garrett had carried me back that same hallway. My life changed in that tiny, spare room but right now all I could see was the way everything had exploded. Just when I thought things were sorting themselves out the real world gave me the big ol’ middle finger.
I gave Garrett directions to the hospital but other than that we said very little to each other. Garrett seemed to recognize that I needed my space and I was lost in my own sad, little world. Garrett took my hand as we got into the elevators to take us to the fourth floor where the ICU was. His fingers laced through mine and I even in my shock I felt a small measure of happiness at having him there with me.
And then I hated myself some more for feeling happy at all. It felt wrong to garner joy from anything right now.
I dropped Garrett’s hand once we came to the ICU. Because the first thing I saw was my brother and sister huddled together, their faces red from crying. I was struck dumb for a moment. I didn’t know what to do.
Garrett fell behind me, allowing me to approach them by myself but with the knowledge that he was right behind me should I need him. “Fliss, Gavin,” I said quietly. They looked up at me and both got to their feet, enfolding me in their arms.
I wanted to cry so badly. I felt the burning in my eyes and the tightness in my chest but for some reason, I couldn’t. It was as though my tear ducts had stopped working.
“He’s gone, Ri. Dad’s gone!” Felicity wailed into my shoulder as she squeezed me tighter.
“I need to go to find Mom,” I murmured, pulling back slightly.
“She won’t leave him. The nurses and doctors have tried to get her to let go of his hand but she just sits there, staring at him, as though he’ll wake up at any minute. We told Dad’s doctor we had called you and you would handle Mom. You always know what to do,” Gavin said and not for the first time I wondered which of us was the older sibling.
“I’ll handle it,” I promised. Felicity and Gavin let me go and I looked over my shoulder at Garrett who still hung back, careful not to intrude.
“Guys, this is my friend, Garrett. He drove me up here last night,” I said by way of introduction. Felicity gave him a watery smile and Gavin barely acknowledged him at all. Garrett came to sit beside my sister and reached out to touch my hand before I left to help my mother.
“I’ll be here,” was all he said and for me, for right now, that’s exactly what I needed to hear.
“Mom,” I said softly into the quiet hospital room. My mom was bowed over, her forehead touching my dad’s hand. I couldn’t look at my father just yet. I needed to keep my shit together so I could deal with Mom.
I walked slowly around the foot of the bed and sank to my haunches beside her. I rested my hand on her shoulder and leaned in close, my cheek resting on her arm. “Mom, please look at me,” I whispered.
My mom didn’t turn her head; she stayed bent over my dead father’s hand as though she were praying. If my mother were a religious woman, I would have assumed that was what she was doing. But Mom and Dad didn’t subscribe to “orthodox religious ideals,” choosing the beach and the waves as their God and church.
Nope, I knew this was a woman who had lost the most important person in her life and was now crumbling in on herself.
I shook her shoulder a bit, hoping to snap her out of it. The doctors and nurses were hovering outside the door. I knew they needed to take Dad’s body away. There were things that needed to be done, decisions that had to be made. But, sympathetically they were waiting on Mom.
“Come on, let’s go. You need to sleep. Get something to eat. Let Fliss, Gavin and me take care of you,” I said urgently, trying to get a reaction out of her. Mom shook her head and pressed a kiss to the cold hand in her grasp.
“I can’t leave him,” she cried, followed by a strangled moan that made me shiver.