Once and Again

chapter Eight



It had been foolhardy to come back to the hotel with him. She knew it and had zero plans to halt the inevitable between them. Each step they’d taken, it had felt right. She’d fallen into a rhythm with him as they’d talked. One she hadn’t realized she’d missed with such ferocity until she had it again.

And now in his room he watched her every move. Looked at her like he wanted to take a big bite. “You’re a thrilling man, Nathan Murphy.” She swallowed hard and gave over to what she wanted. No more arguing. She wanted him as much as he appeared to want her. And she saw just how much in his gaze, in the swell of his cock against his zipper.

His grin was feral and a shiver went through her. He nearly prowled as he led her back into the bedroom. Fascinating. This man gave off his masculinity in a warm radiant wave. He took up all the air around her, stealing her breath.

“Am I now?” His voice had lowered, and the memories of what came next flooded straight to her p-ssy.

She nodded and hoped he didn’t see the gulp.

He got close enough to touch but hesitated. Teasing. Just barely away. So close the heat of him slid over her skin. And then he licked up the side of her neck and bit her earlobe. That was good enough to make her lock her knees to keep standing.

And he was only getting started.

He’d been a foreplay sort of man before. He’d tease her all night long before they’d f*ck. They’d go out on a date and he’d slowly drive her crazy with lingering touches, soft kisses at first. Hotter and hotter he’d build her up. Sometimes he’d make her come at least three times before they got down to business.

It had been a fine quality in her first real lover.

But this Nathan was a grown-up. He owned his power as a man, as a sexual, attractive male in his prime. His attentions were so intense they were nearly physical. “I s’pose you’ve learned a few things in the last six years or so.” Of course her voice was breathy and sort of stuttery.

He paused and threw his head back on a laugh. Unable to stop, she drew closer, tiptoeing up to kiss the hollow of his throat. His laugh died on a near moan, and his hands slid into her hair, sending her combs somewhere else. “I like it down.”

Ha! So did she, but he probably meant her hair.

She watched as his fingers undid the buttons of her blouse. “I have, I like to think, worked on my skills. Purely because you should be the best you can be at things.”

It was her turn to laugh.

He tipped her head just so, and she closed her eyes as his mouth, hot and wet, found the spot right behind her jaw. She may have whimpered, but it could have been in her head. Nathan’s hands on her, his mouth, made her dizzy.

“I do seem to recall that was a spot you were partial to,” he murmured, his lips a whisper against her skin as he spoke.

“Yes. You have a good memory.”

He bent his head to her again, kissing along her jaw and up to her lips. She wound her arms around him, arching to get closer and certainly not minding the tingles barely shy of pain as she pulled against his hold.

He nipped her bottom lip and slid his tongue over the sting. “You are so good at this.”

“Yeah?” He took another kiss, just a brief, but deep slide of lips and tongues. “It’s because you taste so good. I can’t get enough. I’ve wanted this, thought about this pretty much nonstop since you walked into my classroom a little over a month ago.”

He said the best stuff.

The next kiss wasn’t so brief. He left her breathless and dizzy as he stepped back and she stepped forward, not wanting to lose contact.

He touched her and it sent her back but not in the same way it had before. Now she was different. She wished that meant it didn’t affect her as deeply, but the opposite was true. The woman knew what this meant. The woman knew this sort of connection was rare.

Knew the absence of that connection as well.

He kissed her shoulder as he bared it, pushing her blouse from her arms. “So beautiful.” He looked down at her breasts, and she was mighty glad she’d worn the cute panty and bra set that day.

“These make me want to sigh happily.” A brush of his lips over the curve at the top of the right and then the left breast. Two deft moves and the bra was a thing of the past.

“You’re very good at that.” She sent him a raised brow and received that grin in return. The grin made her shiver with anticipation.

“You have a pierced nipple.” He said this with awe in his voice.

“Yes.” She had to lick her lips to get the words out. Especially once he pulled just right on the bar.

“When?”

It had been a silly impulse when she’d been visiting a friend in Nashville. She was glad she’d done it though because it made her feel sexy just knowing it was there. Made her feel good when a man knew how to tug on it right. Which was rarer than she’d thought it would be.

Not so Nathan.

“I’ve had it four years now.” She groaned as he licked over the nipple and sucked it into his mouth, his teeth grazing as he did.

“It’s sexy.”

She smiled, feeling quite sexy right at the moment with his hands all over her and his mouth against the side of her breast.

“You taste good, Lil. I’ve missed your salt and sweet skin.” He licked over each rib and went to his knees, stealing her breath as he slid his hands up her calves and then pulled her close enough to press his face against her p-ssy through her skirt. Just enough to make her gasp.

“What are you wearing under this skirt?” He said it as he slid the hem up to look himself. “Ah, matching panties. I like that. Not enough to leave them on though.” He hooked his fingers on the waistband and pulled down.

She stepped from them, mesmerized by the way he looked there, on his knees, staring at her p-ssy like it was the loveliest thing he’d ever seen.

There was no shyness with him. Funny that. But she trusted him to find her beautiful. Felt beautiful and sexy when he looked at her. Even so, it nearly drove her to her knees when he licked his lips while drawing closer. A ragged moan tore from her when he pressed a kiss to the inside of her thigh.

“Do you still like having your p-ssy licked until you make that sound—God that sound—where you sort of gasp and moan?”

“Is that a rhetorical question?”

Again the grin.

“You’re not naked.”

“I’m afraid if I take my pants off my cock will be in you before I get a chance to do anything else.”

She unzipped her skirt and stepped from it, leaving the heels on. “I want to see you, Nathan.”

He surged to his feet, and in one quick movement, his shirt was off and wow, was his upper body pretty. She circled him, getting close enough to lick over a nipple, enjoying the way he shivered. “You weren’t the only one who’s learned a few new tricks. In the interest of skill building of course.”

“I’m not sure if I should clap or frown that another man had this view. Shit! Is that…?” He took her arm and looked at her back where a tattoo swirled up her spine. “You have a tattoo and a piercing too?”

She’d bet money his old skeezebot of a fiancé had neither. Ha.

“I do.”

“On the bed. Ass at the edge. I will make you come on my lips before I get my cock in you. Leave the heels on, I want to feel them against my ass when I’m f*cking you.”

Hoo boy.

She moved and then sat, watching him get rid of his pants and underwear.

“I’d remember that in a dark room with a blindfold on,” she murmured, taking in the sight of long, tall, hard Nathan Murphy with his burnished skin and acres of muscles.

He landed on the bed and pulled her close. “First I want to kiss you a while.”

As if she’d argue?

She rolled against his body and they both paused to draw in a ragged breath as skin slid against skin. “You feel good, baby.”

She wanted to be the only woman he remembered this way. Wanted to the one he compared all other women to for the rest of his life, and the way he kissed her, taking a leisurely and yet very thorough tour of her mouth, made her believe that might be the case. At least in some part.

Her hands slid over all that warm, taut skin. She caressed every part of him she could reach as he plundered her mouth with his teeth and tongue. She denied him nothing and he took until she was dizzy with want. Her p-ssy was wet, so wet she’d have been embarrassed with anyone else. But with him? She knew he’d make it better. Knew he’d ease that ache.

He rolled so she came to rest on top of him, and the memories that had caused her so much pain before softened so that she could enjoy them again. Know that this was different, and yet just as good. Maybe better.

Large, strong hands cupped her ass, holding her in place as he rolled his hips, bringing his cock to slide against the outside of her p-ssy until she thought she might come just from that.

But he wasn’t done.

Nathan was pretty sure he’d embarrass himself something fierce if he put his cock near any warm, wet part of her right at that moment. It was so much just then, having her with him again after so long. Her gorgeous curves naked to his gaze and his touch.

The way she writhed against him was enough to make him clench his jaw, so he rolled her again and loomed above her body to get a better look. The silver bar through her right nipple was a surprise. A hot one at that. Knowing she had a tattoo and a piercing under those clothes of hers would torment his cock forever now. As if he wasn’t already tormented every time he caught sight of her around town.

He kissed over that sweet blade of her collarbone, loving the way her fingers slid into his hair and held him to her. On to the nipples, first the unpierced left and then the right where he played with the bar, learning her, pleasing himself as well. Down over the softness of her belly, the scent of her arousal drawing him exactly where he wanted to be.

Sweet Christ, her taste when he drew her thighs apart and took a lick was so good he groaned nearly as loud as she did. Over and over again as he took her higher and higher. Listened to her cues as she tugged his hair to hit certain spots in certain ways. It wasn’t the first time he’d gone down on her, but he wanted it to be the best time for her.

When she came, the sounds she made, the sounds she still made rocked him to his foundations as he realized he’d been looking for that sound for years to no avail. Rocked him to realize he’d never let go of her and sure as hell wasn’t going to now that he had her back.

He looked up the line of her body to see her face. To watch her sleepy eyes widen when he licked his lips.

“I want you in me.”

He was up and searching through his toiletries bag in moments, hoping and praying a condom was somewhere to be found. It took him a bit, but he returned to her, victorious.

He was feeling pretty studly until she got to her hands and knees and sent him a look over her shoulder. “Get to it, cowboy.”

“You’re going to kill me,” he said as he ripped the packet with his teeth and got the condom on in seconds flat.

“Yes? But not until after you’re finished.”

This Lily was more confident than the younger version. It made him even hotter for her, this absolute sense of ownership of her sexuality. Nothing was sexier in his mind than a woman who knew what she wanted and went for it.

“You seem less than worried about the me-being-dead part.” He got on the mattress. “Turn around. I want to watch.” He indicated the mirror above the dresser across the room.

She turned and then blushed a little before sending him a smile. “All right. And really, as long as you wait until you’re done…”

He slapped her ass playfully and forgot all jokes as he spread her open and started the slow push into her body. Watching the pink flush over her skin and the way her breasts jiggled as she squirmed back to meet his thrust was sweet torture. The tattoo on her back was beautiful, and he bent to kiss her spine, having to pause as he seated himself completely inside the inferno-hot embrace of her p-ssy.

“More,” she whispered, meeting his gaze in the mirror.

Gathering her hair back away from her face, he shifted to grip her hips. “Your wish is my command.” And began to f*ck her in earnest.

He still fit perfectly, as if she were made for him. Now he could believe that. He could believe that this woman with him, the woman whose scent lived in his blood was meant for him. He’d been too young and prideful before. Nathan the man knew just what it meant to have this sort of connection.

He held the words back, wanting to save them for when she might believe them. Knowing her she’d make up reasons to not believe him if he told her what he felt while buried to his balls in her body.

Instead he fell into a rhythm, ramping up the speed and force of his hips as he drew closer to climax. The sounds she made only stripped him of any real control. In her, around her, on her, he knew it was good. Knew he wanted more. His body responded to hers just like the rest of him did.

He slid a hand around the front of her body, finding her still very wet and ready. He brushed his fingertips over her *, delighting in her gasp. The way she tightened around him brought a grunt of satisfaction. “So good. Lily, come for me again.”

She pressed back all the way, taking him in deep and tightened, coming hard and fast, bringing his climax in response as the pleasure of it all inundated him, drowned him until they both collapsed to the mattress, breathing hard.





“Is there any special story about the tattoo?” he asked as they lounged in bed. Tracing over the curls and swirls and the occasional flower, he liked the way her skin felt, liked the weight of her body next to him.

“Not really. I…knew the tattoo artist and had admired his work. I had a picture of this wrought-iron work I really liked with these curves. It stayed with me, so I took it in for him to look at. Later I added the flowers because I wanted a little bit of color.”

“Sexy. And knew in the biblical sense?”

She laughed and turned to him, presenting him with a bounty of new things to visually feast on. “I don’t know that I’d say that. Yes, I dated him a while. But we never…we didn’t have…” She laughed again. “We never f*cked. We messed around a little, and this is quite detailed and I’m sure you don’t actually care. But anyway. I knew him and admired his talent and he did a great job. No great meaning, I just thought it was pretty.”

He frowned. “I do care. I shouldn’t. Of course you had a life after we split up and all. But I guess I don’t like that another man got to be in your bed.”

One of her brows rose. “You were engaged to be married. Really, Nathan, Stephanie Prater?” She rolled her eyes and snorted. “I’ve seen her in town several times now, of course. She did stop to tell me what an awesome lay you were.”

Mortification rose. “Tate tried to warn me she was all wrong for me.”

“I suppose all that blonde hair and the breasts blinded you to her true nature. Really, Nathan, she’s a vile, vile creature.”

He knew.

“I know. I’m sorry she said that.” He paused. “What did you say back?”

“I told her I knew because I’d been all up in it for two years before she ever came along and I hoped I’d rendered some good training for the boring lay she must have been.” Lily smiled brightly, and he laughed and laughed some more, holding her to him.

“I’ve missed you.”

She took a deep breath and tried to move away but he shook his head. “Oh no you don’t. No more pushing me away. I know you want me, Lily. I know you like being with me. You can lie to yourself if you want, but you can’t lie to me.”

“You mesmerized me once and again with your cock. It’s like you’re carrying four rolls of quarters down the front of your jeans. How can I resist?”

He shook his head. “Baby, you and your sweet nothings will turn a man’s head. Anyway, it’s more than my apparently massive cock. Four? You like me. You like being Nathan and Lily again.”

“Look, Nathan, you’re still Chris’s teacher. In case it’s escaped your notice we live in a small town where even what kinds of birds eat at which feeders in which yard are a topic for gossip. Chris has had enough to deal with after what happened with our father. People are still talking about it. I can’t do this and make it even worse for him.”

“Thank God he’s got you.” Nathan wasn’t all that impressed with Pamela and her parenting. He understood she’d been devastated when her husband up and left, though it was common knowledge he’d been catting around for years. But that was no excuse to just stop being a mother to a teenager. He was convinced that without Lily’s intervention things would have gotten far worse for Chris.

“I keep hoping my mother will get her act together.”

“That why you decided to stay?”

She made a face, and he knew he was poking her out of her comfort zone. She didn’t like to speak ill of her family, he got it and he respected that. She’d already shared negatives about her mother and sister as well. But it was different when it was him. He wanted her to remember, to trust him like she used to.

“He’s had enough people fail him. Whatever the reason for it. I had a good mom growing up. Scattered maybe, but she was there after school. Drove me to this and that. And even then my dad was pretty good. Chris is my family. He needs me and that’s that. So this thing”—she waved a hand between them—“isn’t possible right now.”

He canted his hips, brushing his cock against her. “Oh it is. I’ve got great recovery where you’re concerned. And it is happening. It happened twice if I recall correctly. And it will happen again. You know it.”

She got up and moved to the windows, the light framing her.

“We can keep it quiet until the school year ends. He won’t be my student anymore. Be with me, Lily.” He hated that it sounded as if he was begging. But he needed her. And now that he’d had her in bed again, he wasn’t going to let that go. This was it for him. She was the one.

She turned, keeping her distance, which was a good thing because she looked so sexy and tousled he would have been all over her if she’d been within reach.

“We have to keep it quiet. I mean it. I won’t hurt him any more than he’s already been hurt.”

Now that she’d acquiesced, he relaxed into a satisfied man. “Adds some spice I say. Keeping it quiet.” And it wasn’t that much longer.

“All right. We can keep doing this part.”

“This part?”

“The sex part, silly.”

Oh did she think so? Did she think he’d look at her face and believe all she wanted was a hot f*ck? Did she think he’d ever, for one minute, be satisfied with what his parents had and then proceeded to destroy over decades?

“I’m not interested in you as a quick, furtive f*ck.”

Lily heard the anger in his voice and moments later figured out why. She moved to him, sliding back into bed and close to him again. Damn it, she still loved him. Probably never stopped. But it wouldn’t do to get attached. No. Still, she didn’t mean to hurt him. That she’d make a comparison between his drunk of an abusive father and his skank of a mother, even not meaning to, was untenable. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. You’re not him and I’m sure as hell not her. I meant we can…”

“This is how it is, Lily. You aren’t just some random woman I’m dating. I’m up front with you right now that I want something deeper. We have something deeper. We always have. So don’t insult either one of us by saying something stupid. What we have is more than friends. And that’s how I like it. We’re together.”

She sat up, angry herself. “Really? Like before?”

“I deserve that. And more most likely. But things are different. We’re different. You’re the only woman I want. Full stop. There’s no one else. Nothing else, but you. I wouldn’t be able to assert that as totally surely as I can now if I hadn’t lost it and known what it was to be without you. But secret for a little while or not, we’re together, Lily.”

Torn between wanting to believe and wanting to deny it, she said nothing as she watched him, so beautiful and male, spread out in bed like the best-looking item on any menu ever.

“I like it when you look at me that way. Say you’re with me, Lily.”

She sighed. “You broke my heart, Nathan. It took me years to get over you. Years. It wasn’t the kiss, it was the way you loved me one minute and tossed me away the next. You made me feel like absolutely nothing.” That her voice broke as she said the words should have embarrassed her, but it felt good to say. To let him know the outcome of what he’d done.

Good to remind herself that this little fun time in bed was great, but the devastation he left, that she slogged through as a result of his so-called love, had been a heavy burden for some time. She had enough burdens just then.

“All my life, until you, I’d never felt that. Being with you made me feel beautiful. Smart and strong and perfect.” She snorted a laugh. “You loved me and then you made me feel like I didn’t even exist.”

He looked stricken and for a moment she felt bad. But just a moment.

“I’m sorry.” He sat up and leaned over to tuck her hair behind an ear. “I never meant to hurt you. I was careless. Careless and selfish and more like my dad than I want to admit. That I made you feel that way when you were so much to me, I’m ashamed of that.”

“I didn’t wait to hear your explanation. I couldn’t see you there with another person. Doing with her what you did with me. I had to go. I never thought you’d…” She shook her head. “It’s gone. Done. Past and neither of us can go back and change it.”

“Will you let me earn your trust again?”

That was the question, wasn’t it? But she was here in his room, naked to him physically and emotionally already. She’d never uttered those words to anyone after they’d broken things off. Sure she talked about it on the surface, but the rejection, feeling like she was totally nothing to him after she’d felt like everything, the shock of it had sent her reeling. Her confidence had taken a hit. She wouldn’t be who she was now if he hadn’t been such a careless ass.

She’d rebuilt herself and she’d done it for her. Not for a man. Not because someone else thought it was a good thing. She’d found a way to believe in herself and she’d done it on her own. She owed that to him in a twisted way.

“I don’t know, Nathan. Maybe we can work on it.”

“That’s all I’m asking.”

She snorted. “No it isn’t. You want everything and you want it right now.”

He blushed and she found herself charmed again, by this man she’d shared so much of her life with. By this man who’d been her friend before her lover and just might be her friend again.

“I have that problem when it comes to you. But I’ll try to rein it in.” He slid the pad of his thumb over the swell of her bottom lip and sent shivers through her.

He leaned her back to the bed. “I think we should go again. I found two condoms.”