Once and Again

chapter Five



She pulled into the driveway too late to see Nancy’s car already there. Damn and double damn. Thankfully it was during the day so Chris wasn’t home. She had a hair appointment and she should have just gone straight there.

As if she were made of lead, she climbed out and went inside. It would be good to stand her ground from the start, but it was never fun to be around Nancy. Even when her sister was in a good mood, she was simply a vicious bitch. Self-centered. Lazy.

So it wasn’t a surprise to find Nancy with her feet up, smoking a cigarette. As her mother clearly hadn’t, Lily felt less than comfortable telling her sister to put it out. At the same time, one of the things Lily had just gotten under control was not only her own asthma but Chris’s.

“Hey, Nancy. Didn’t expect to see you here.” Keep it civil and brief. Over the years, Lily knew the best way to deal with her sister was to not let herself be goaded into a fight over nothing.

“I bet. I was just telling Mom that if you lived with me you’d have to do a lot more for your rent.”

But being civil didn’t mean she’d line up to be abused either. “Oh, bless your heart, hon. Guess it’s a good thing I’m here and not in your tiny little studio in Atlanta.” She smiled calmly. “By the way, please don’t smoke in the house. Chris’s asthma is just barely under control again.”

“I was saying the same thing.” Pamela looked to Lily and for the first time, she saw relief there.

“You should have said.” Nancy stabbed it out and turned her gaze back to Lily.

Before she could drag Lily into another verbal round of hurt your sister, Lily pulled her bag up on her shoulder, standing tall. “It was nice to see you, Nancy. Mom, I dropped off the stuff for the jumble sale. Merline says she’d sure love to see you on Saturday afternoons again.”

Pamela brightened a little. Lily wanted to see it more. Wanted her mother to get back to her activities and friends.

“I should call her.”

“You should. I know they’d love to have you helping over there. Caroline Cutler can’t find her behind with both hands.”

Pamela’s laugh was knowing and sadly rusty. It made it worth having to deal with Nancy just to get that response.

But Nancy didn’t want to let go of a chance to fight. “Rushing off so soon? Busy life of leisure you’ve got here?”

“Chris has an after-school thing with his tutor.” She pointedly ignored her sister. “But I’ll pick him up at four thirty from there.”

“Thank you, honey.”

“If you’re gone when I return, have a safe trip home.”

“I’m spending the night. Wish I’d thought of cleaning out the apartment over the garage. Must be pretty cozy up there.”

But that would have taken work. Effort. Never would have happened as her sister was a total loser, which went hand-in-hand with lazy.

“It sure is. Thanks for asking.” Her smile was forced, she knew, but she brushed a kiss over her mother’s cheek.

She escaped quickly, almost feeling bad for leaving their mother with Nancy. But not that bad. Anyway, she had an appointment at Tate’s salon to have Anne cut her hair, and she wasn’t going to miss that to hang out and trade insults with her sister.

“Hey, ladies. And you too, Beth,” Lily called out as she entered the salon.

Beth hooted a laugh and tossed a curler at her, which she caught handily. “Nancy’s in my mother’s living room. I need some prettifying to take my mind off that.”

Anne waved her to the shampoo station. “Come on then. I’ll massage your scalp with the pretty-smelling stuff and cut your hair. I’ve been telling Tate we should serve wine, I think this is one of those perfect examples why.”

She let her muscles relax, breathing out slowly. “I’m dumb to let her get to me.”

“Girl, Nancy wouldn’t be happy if Jesus hisself came down and handed her a five-dollar bill.” Beth sniffed and Lily laughed.

Anne draped her clothing to protect her from the water and excess hair and had Lily lean back. “Close your eyes and tell us about it.”

The shop was empty at the moment so Beth and Tate were standing nearby, listening.

The water was the perfect temperature. The scent of the shampoo was sort of tropical and lifted her spirits. “I think I love you, Anne Murphy.”

Anne laughed.

She filled them in on that day’s business with her sister.

“Why is she that way? I don’t get it. You’re not, and you had the same parents and the same upbringing.” Anne helped her up and to the chair where she towel dried Lily’s hair and began to section it off to cut.

“I don’t know. She’s always been this way. Closest to our father, so that probably explains most of it. But she’s never happy. Given the opportunity to smile or frown, she’ll frown. She will always choose to be casually vicious because I think it’s the only way she knows how to be.”

“You had a good stylist in Macon.” Anne met Lily’s eyes in the mirror. “Not as good as me, though.” She winked. “What are you looking for?”

“What do you suggest?”

“She’s got that vintage thing going and it works for her.” Tate cocked her head and looked Lily over carefully.

“Are you looking to keep it or do something totally new? I agree with Tate that the vintage thing works for you. I can take it shorter, like a chin-length bob. Keep it longer so you can do pin curls and that sort of thing.”

“I want it easy on most days with the ability to do something more when I have the time. It’s got a natural wave so it takes me forever to straighten when it’s very short.”

“Okay then. I’ve got it.” Anne began to work, and Beth perched next to them as Tate went to deal with a client.

“We’re on for Saturday night, right? I’m still pouting you didn’t come to the cookout last weekend. How was Macon?”

“Yes we’re on. I haven’t bowled in a million years so that will be my excuse for sucking. Just telling you that in advance. As for Macon? Looks like my condo is going to sell. Big relief there. Oh! I found out two of my prints sold so that’ll cover some bills. Spoke with my boss and he’s going to send some freelancing work my way again. I told him this move was permanent, and he’ll probably have to let me go to get a local. But he’s open to my doing contract work and that’s a plus.”

“Have you given any serious thought about doing portraits for people?” Beth shifted and put a mug of tea into Lily’s hands. “Not wine, but chamomile. It’ll help some.”

“I used to do it on the side for extra money. I may again. Right now, especially until the end of the school year, my focus is Chris. But then I’ll have to re-evaluate my long-term job stuff.”

She did feel better after the tea. Mainly it was being surrounded by her friends and being able to vent about Nancy. But the new haircut was good too. She felt younger and lighter.

“What do you think?” Anne stood back, holding the mirror up so Lily could see the back. She’d styled it into big, lush waves. “I know you know how to do this one. I’ve seen you in it. But even when you don’t want to do the waves, you can still do a quick style and go.”

“I like it.”

He could not be there.

But he was. Her heart skipped a few beats as she took Nathan in from the tips of his boots up to that face of his. Lordamighty he was a good-looking man.

A good-looking man who seemed to show up everywhere she was in town.

“I’d say, fancy seeing you here. But I get the distinct feeling it’s not a coincidence at all.” She cut her gaze to Beth, who busied herself tidying up.

“Don’t have any idea what you mean.” He grinned, and her panties tried to jump from her rear end at the sight. “I was just stopping in after school to say hello to all my sisters. Your being here is a bonus.”

She paid and ignored Anne’s squawking about the tip being too much. “Thank you, Murphy ladies, for the tea, the sympathy and the hairdo. Yes, Beth, I’ll see you Saturday.” She tried to rush past but he followed her out.

“Have dinner with me.”

“Nathan, we can’t have dinner. I’m due home for dinner. I’ve got to run to the school to pick Chris up, and then we’re getting a pizza to bring back home.” She should probably order extra since Nancy was around.

“Tomorrow then.”

She wanted to say no, punch him in the stones and walk away. But she wouldn’t, because the part of her that wanted to say yes was far greater.

“Look, we’ve said all we need to say.”

“No we haven’t. And it’s not about that anyway. Not entirely. I want to catch up. Talk about Chris. It’s just a dinner. The Sands? Five? It’ll still be broad daylight. Full of seniors getting the early bird special, but the pie will be fresh. I haven’t forgotten how much you like peach pie.”

She sighed. He made her weak. Made her wish for things she tried to convince herself not to want.

“It’s not a date.”

He grinned, triumphant, reminding himself to send a huge bouquet of flowers to his sisters the following day.

“Of course not. Just dinner between old friends.” He’d work on the date stuff later. But when he’d fallen for her originally, it had been after he’d gotten to know her as a friend. It had a certain lovely rhythm that he’d get to know her again and hopefully get that second chance.

“I’ll see you at five.” She walked down the steps and toward her car. “Not. A. Date.”





Feeling like an idiot, he looked at himself in the mirror for the dozenth time. He’d actually changed clothes already. Twice. This was approaching utter fail status, and he needed to get his head into the game or he’d blow this chance.

Before, when they’d been together he never would have been this nervous. She’d always felt natural to him. They’d been friends a long time and when it moved to something else, it had been easy.

But now. He checked the mirror. Now he knew just how he approached this thing, how he handled himself with all the right groveling and wooing was integral. No time to rest on being handsome or charming. She’d been there and done that.

Beth breezed in like he didn’t have his front door closed for a reason. “Hey.” She looked him up and down, ignoring his annoyance. “Nice. Don’t wear that jacket. You look like you’re going to a funeral in that thing.”

“Is your hand broken?”

She gave him the finger. “I don’t need to knock on your door because I’m here to give you some advice.”

He looked at her warily and she laughed. “Is this like that time you came to the movies and sat behind me and my date and kicked my seat the whole night?”

She grinned again. “Ah, good times. If I recall correctly, Lily was with me that day. Anyway, I’m not here to torment you for your bad choices. Not tonight at least. Look, as annoying as you are and all, you’re a good guy and Lily is a great woman and even though you screwed up big time you both deserve a second shot. If you mess it up I’m telling Tate on you.”

“Mmm-hmm. So what’s this advice then?”

“It’s that you never tried to talk to her. After she caught you with your floozie. Her freaking cousin!”

“She wasn’t my anything.” He glared but she was a Murphy and therefore made of sterner stuff. Her response was a bland, bored look. “Thank you for telling me that,” he amended.

“Don’t wear that shirt.” She headed to the closet and tossed him the one he’d been wearing first. “This one is nice on you. Makes you look handsome in that non-threatening way.”

“If I wear it will you stop pestering me?”

“Hell no. But I will for now.”

He snorted and took the shirt. “Now go or you might see something you’ll have to tell a therapist about.”

She sniffed with mock indignance. “Your scrawny chest is nothing to write home about. If you mess this up, I will be so mad at you.”

He pulled the shirt on quickly and then hugged her. “I’ll try not to be a dumbass.”

“Big challenge but you do have that big-city diploma and all.” She looked him over. “Nice. Handsome. You have all your teeth. Also a plus. I’m all about these little glass-half-full moments, Nathan.”

They walked out to his car, and she gave him a look and another warning before he drove away.

It wasn’t his first date, for God’s sake. He’d had unlawful carnal knowledge of this woman. More than once.

Heat flashed through him at the memory of what they were like together. Of what she’d been like, all curves and valleys. So pretty naked. The kind of woman who liked to laugh when she had sex.

He really needed to stop thinking of that. He walked in the diner’s front door and waved at a few people in that way you do when you don’t want to be interrupted. Thank heaven none of his students were in the place.

He grabbed a booth fronting Main and waited, totally not thinking about how he’d been the first to teach her all sorts of things.

When she came in, his heart sped and he sat up, caught in her pull. She looked like a freaking movie star off the set of an old movie. A fitted skirt to just past her knees, a blouse and then a belted coat to match the skirt. Pumps that made her a good four inches higher. That sway as she moved toward him was like magic.

Bam, bam, bam, her hips switched. Her hair was done in those big forties-style waves. Deep-red lipstick. Holy shit.

But her look was apologetic as he stood while she slid into the booth.

“I’m sorry. I meant to go back home to change but things ran late.”

“Wow. What is it you’re apologizing for? Sugar, you look amazing.”

She paused, surprised pleasure washing over her face. “Thank you.” She slipped from the jacket and folded it carefully. “A friend of mine, also a photographer, did some shots of me in some of the clothes I make.”

“Do you need a menu? Oh, hey there, Mr. Murphy.” Their server, clearly a third-generation Sands, was in his first-period AP English-lit class.

“Hello there, Derek.” Nathan looked back to Lily. “Do you need a menu?”

Lily turned her smile on the kid. Nathan nearly swallowed his tongue at how pretty she was when she smiled. “Heck no. I’d like the pot roast with greens and scalloped potatoes. Tea and what’s the pie situation? Do I need to stake out some lemon meringue?” She was teasing, not inappropriate at all, but Derek there seemed struck dumb.

The boy was simply ensorcelled by all that abundance of feminine beauty. He sputtered and gulped.

Nathan interrupted to give the kid a break. “I see you still consider pie a food group.” He grinned at Lily, who blushed. “I’ll have the chicken. Sweet potatoes and some corn bread. Tea and a slice of the pecan for me. With ice cream.”

Once the boy was out of range, Nathan turned back to Lily, laughing. “That boy might hurt himself you got him so twisted up.”

“I was going to go home but then I’d have been late and you might have thought I wasn’t coming, and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” She looked less than pleased at the last bit. But he liked it just fine.

“You make clothes?” He steered her back to the conversation they’d been having earlier.

“Oh, yes. I do. I made what I’m wearing. Anyway,” she continued as if it wasn’t an amazing thing that she’d made the clothing she wore, “two years ago I started making a limited number of outfits and separates every year. I have a consignment place in Macon that I work with. They sell my stuff there and I’ve got word-of-mouth clients.”

She sipped her freshly delivered tea before continuing.

“But Beth suggested I set up a little website. Nothing too fancy, just pictures of the items I had in stock and also some of the other pieces I’ve made in the past to be special ordered. There are different places online—crafting communities and the like—and I can have my store listed there as well.” She shrugged. “So a friend of mine, another photographer I know, owed me a big favor and today he paid up by taking pictures of me for the website. I’ll need a way to make a living here. The extra money will be helpful.”

“I guess I was wrong.” About so many things.

“About what?”

“I was just wondering if you’d be back to Macon again once the situation with Chris evened out. I figured you would.”

“I told you I was back for good.”

“You did. I misjudged you.” He paused when their food arrived.

“I missed this place.” She looked around, avoiding the subject. He let her. For the moment.

“I lived in Atlanta for school and liked it. I’ve traveled around the country and even went to Italy three years ago, but Petal is home. How’s your mom holding up?”

She sighed and forked up some potatoes. “Some days she’s close to the woman she was when I was growing up. Those are the days I think she’ll pull her head out of her behind and get her life in order. Some days she’s stuck in a bottle with a handful of pills. Christ. I don’t know what to do with her.”

“I take it your dad isn’t any help.”

“If only I happened to be a twenty-year-old looking to cash in.” Her laugh was laced in irony. “He told me to take out a loan to send Chris to military school.”

He had his own crazy, selfish, abusive parents, but hers were worse to his mind. There was no reason for a good kid like Chris to have fallen behind the way he had. No reason for it to have gone on for so long before Pamela admitted she needed some help. And for any man to turn his back on his own child so he could keep on getting some young thing in his bed? Nathan wanted to punch the guy right in the face.

“You’re making a difference with him. He’s much calmer. His work is better. Consistent. He’s not so sullen and angry all the time.”

“It’s that program you recommended, actually.”

Nathan had told Lily about an afterschool tutoring and mentoring program. It was therapeutic, the adults were experts in one field or another, and the other kids were often facing troubles at home like Chris, or worse. The older ones, the tutors, were kids who’d overcome those troubles. It was a great option. One that would have been cut had it not been for a fundraising drive Tate’s mother-in-law held last fall. Polly Chase had been able to raise enough to keep the program for two days a week—once in the middle school and once in the high school—for the next two academic years.

“Glad to hear it. Tim does some volunteer work, takes on some of the older kids who may be interested in filling journeyman positions with local businesses like his.”

She smiled at him. A real smile, like the one she’d given Derek, and it made him miss what they’d had, that easiness between them.

“Really? I’m not surprised. He’s hanging out with some kids I think will be better for him in the long run. It’s been a month or so, but I’m cautiously hopeful. I’ve been very grateful for all the support he’s received from the school.”

“Is your sister not helping at all?”

“Is that a rhetorical question? She’s still telling our mother to hold on, that our father will finish up with his little friend and come back. The worst part is, I think my mother believes it. He’s so mean to her, it would be the worst thing possible for her to go back. But…” She shook her head and ate for a while. “It’s none of my business if she does. But I think it would be bad for Chris to have our father in and out of his life. Parenthood isn’t a place you visit when you get bored.”

“You’re right. He’s lucky to have you.” And he was.

“He’s my family.”

“Yes, he is. But a lot of people don’t put the same meaning into it that you do.”

“Or you.”

Really she was irresistible.

“I was wrong not to at least try to explain what happened.”

She began to speak, but he held a hand up.

“Please let me say this.”

“It’s too late.”

“Even so. Look, I was stupid. Egotistical. The kiss was nothing to me. It was a moment, not even a moment, and I was pushing her back when you came in. I was dumb and she was dumb and she kissed me and I kissed her back. I told you while we were on a break that I’d not see anyone else and but for that moment, I didn’t break my promise. But I did break it and then I didn’t own it. And then you left and I told myself I didn’t need you because it was just a stupid thing and you didn’t even want to hear what I had to say. When really it was that I was an ass and felt guilty and resented that.

“And the longer it went unspoken, the harder it got until I just didn’t do it, and then you finished school and left Atlanta and I finished school and came back to Petal. I should have gone to you. I should have explained. I should have told you then that I was being a dick and that I was sorry. I should have begged you to take me back. But I didn’t and here you sit and I miss you, Lil. I miss you so much that every time I see you it takes all my strength not to touch you like I once did.”

She watched him, her emotions clear in her expression. He wanted to make her laugh again. Wanted her to watch him hungrily, the way she once did. Wanted her to trust him.

“I made a lot of mistakes. I was careless with your heart when I should have cherished it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I was wrong. I’m sorry because I didn’t respect you. I’m sorry because I lost you and not just as my girlfriend, but as a friend.”

She ate for a time after he finished his apology. An apology she’d have given anything to hear those years before. Never in her life had she hurt as much as she had when she saw him around after that night and he never said a word to her.

“You made me feel like what we had, like what I felt was a lie. It took me a long time to get over you. But we were broken up already. You were clearly not happy enough and we’ve both moved on.”

Ha.

“I’d like to try again. I’d like to see you, date you. We’re older now. I’m different than the jerk I was then, and you’re older and wiser too. I think we could take it slow and make it work this time. What do you say? We could start with a real date this Saturday. We could go dancing at the Tonk.”



There they sat and she liked him. Still. He was funny and charming and sweet even. He’d helped her with Chris, and his apology, though late, was genuine. She knew him enough to understand it in his words.

People made mistakes. She made them too. And she was so tired of avoiding him. But it wasn’t wise to let him back into her heart. He had too much power over her, and she hadn’t been lying when she told him it took her a long time to get over it. She never wanted to feel that kind of misery again. Ever.

“I accept your apology. But we can’t date.”

His gorgeous features darkened.

He was as alpha as they came. Used to getting his own way. It was gloriously sexy, but she had enough to manage. He was a man now, not even a young man in graduate school. He’d be even worse. Which would mean he was way hotter in bed, but she wasn’t going to think about that. Much. At all. Ever in the next ten minutes.

“You still don’t like being told no, I see.”

That broke his sour expression. “Why can’t we date?”

She was totally going to have to make up for the whopper she was about to tell. “First because I’m over you. Second, and far more importantly, because my brother is in your class. He’s got enough to deal with right now. The last thing he needs is to have anyone think he’s getting special treatment because you’re dating his sister. Or for him to worry you’ll retaliate if we broke things off.”

He growled a sigh, and her insides got all warm and gooey. She really needed to date nice men who didn’t growl.

“Do you really think I’d do that?”

“If I did, I wouldn’t have accepted your apology. But this is Petal. Gossip is as common as marshmallows in Jell-O salad. He’s had enough, don’t you think? My lands, the boy can’t even go out for a burger without people knowing his dad left his mom for a girl barely older than him. I can’t be part of anything that would harm him even more.”

“You said you were over me.”

“I am. Don’t smirk. What if your face freezes that way?”

He laughed and she did too. It felt so good to laugh with him after so long.

“I want you back, Lil. I’m telling you that up front. Just so you won’t be surprised when I get you back.”

It wouldn’t do to smile at him and encourage this silly behavior, but she did anyway because she’d clearly been dropped on her head as a child.

Pie arrived and she was glad for the interruption. And the pie of course.

“I need to get back home. I’m glad we cleared the air and all.”

She tried to pay half but he pushed the cash back her way. “I invited you, I’ll pay. I’ll walk you to your car too.”

Plenty of female attention landed on him as they made their way toward the door. That much hadn’t changed. It used to leave her feeling a little smug. That he was hers and they could look all day long but he wanted Lily Travis, not any of those other bimbos. And then she was wrong.

“I can get it from here,” she said once they’d arrived outside. The evening air was cool, and without even asking, he helped her into the coat.

“I’m sure you can. Where are you parked?” Bold as you please, as if she’d never spoken.

“Around the corner. On Ash.”

“Why you parking back there?” He held his arm out and she took it automatically. Once she’d done it, it would have been silly to let go. “It’s dark back there.”

“It was daylight when I parked. This is Petal. Main was packed.”

“You have a cell phone. Next time, text me and I’ll come get you.”

It was dark but quiet, and the moon overhead was beginning to rise. “I’ll do no such thing. And there won’t be any next time, Nathan.”

He took her keys and unlocked the door for her. “Just keep telling yourself that if it gets you through the day. But we both know that’s a bald-faced lie.” He stepped closer and her back hit the car.

She was looking for some stern words when he leaned that last distance between them and brushed his lips across hers.

All her stern internal reminders swept away when he pressed his body against hers and she found her fingers in his shirt, holding him to her. His hands slid up her sides, coming to rest at her back, just above her ass.

Her mouth opened on a sigh, and he swallowed the sound, his tongue slipping between her lips like a thief and then he owned her as if they’d never been apart.

She gave in and ran her fingers through his hair as he slid his tongue along hers. He tasted of tea and pie and man. She was lost in the sweet sensation of that kiss until he sucked on her tongue and her nipples hardened to the point of pain, throbbing in time with her *.

Up the block, someone shut a door, and it was enough to reclaim her senses and put her hand on his chest to push him back a bit.

He broke the kiss and stared at her lips for long moments, his chest heaving as he struggled to breathe.

“I want more of that mouth,” he murmured, bending to kiss the side of her jaw.

“I have to go home. I promised Chris I’d watch a movie with him.” Her voice was rusty. She licked her lips and he groaned again, putting some distance between them.

“Go on then. I’ll see you soon, Lily. We’re going to be friends once more, if I can’t have friends and then some.”

He’d have to be satisfied with that, she told herself as she drove home, because that’s all she had to give.