Once and Again

chapter Six



Lily heard whispered talking and sat up in bed, listening hard.

Quickly, under cover of darkness she got some shoes on and pulled a robe over her pajamas.

It was Chris, on his phone.

She crept closer, not wanting to intrude, but damn it all, the boy had lied to her so often she wanted to be sure it wasn’t something she should worry about. And it was after midnight anyway.

“I can’t.” He paused. “No. Dude, she will totally hunt me down. No, not my mom. She’s so doped up half the time she wouldn’t even notice. Lily, my sister. Yes, yes the one who jumped the fence.”

Lily cringed at his words about their mother. Pamela had her good days, but she struggled through some bad ones too. It wasn’t right that Chris saw it enough to know what was happening.

“Are you f*cking kidding me? No way. She’d hunt me down!”

One of her brows rose of its own accord as she listened to Chris arguing and wondered what it was over. Also, the F word? No. She wasn’t going to get worked up over a shit or damn here and there, but nuh uh no way.

“I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow. No, I have to go. The school calls Lily and she’ll find me.”

What he didn’t know was that she’d hooked him into her family phone network and could locate him that way. A friend in Macon kept track of her teenage daughter that way. If he cut school again she’d totally not only track him down, but drag him back to school by the scruff of his neck and not feel a damn bit bad.

He stood there under the moon until she made some noise and got his attention. “Why don’t you come up?” She pointed to her door, and he was about to argue but didn’t. “You want some hot chocolate? I got the kind with mini marshmallows.”

He nodded as he sat.

She fiddled around with the stove and got the milk heating before she turned her attention to him again. “Something you want to talk to me about?”

“What? Me? No.”

“Like say, why you’re outside at twelve thirty on a school night?”

“I needed some air. I didn’t leave the yard.”

“You’re not in trouble.” She brought out two mugs and got the cocoa ready for the hot milk. “I just thought you might want to share. I’m not entirely bad, you know. I might be able to help with whatever’s got you so wound up you need air so long after your bedtime.”

“I’m fine.”

She poured the milk and stirred, hoping she wasn’t messing the whole thing up.

Once she’d settled in at the table with him, she took a sip and forged ahead. “Mom’s sometimes a little influenced by her medication.”

He rolled his eyes. “She’s stoned. I’m not an idiot. I know what it looks like.”

Lily couldn’t argue. “And that makes you feel, what?”

“What are you a shrink now?”

“Nope. Just a girl whose mom is hurting like hell because her husband left her. A girl who sees her mother take too many pills just to make it through the day.”

He cut his gaze to her as he sipped the hot chocolate. “I suppose you’re going to say it’s okay for her to do it because she’s an adult.”

“No. I’m going to say I hate it. I think it sucks. I hate that she checks out, and I feel totally alone and helpless. I feel like I’m messing up with you. I resent it and I resent that Dad seems more interested in his teenage girlfriend than us.”

Chris blinked his eyes several times, clearly overcome with emotion. “Will she stop, do you think? Or will she be like this forever?”

“I hope not. It’s not getting worse, but not better either.”

“She fell yesterday and asked me not to tell you.” His bottom lip trembled and she hugged him.

“Would you like it if I talked to her about it? I mean, I’m here for good. I was thinking of buying a house here, but I think for now I’ll stay in this place. I’m fixing it up already anyway. That way I can keep an eye out. Maybe…well maybe we can get her help. Have her talk to someone. I don’t know. I’m flying blind too.”

“Would you? I don’t want to make her upset. He makes her upset enough. I know he was here with the girlfriend.” His lip curled and Lily couldn’t help but laugh.

“I call her that too. Yes, he was here. But don’t worry about it. I handled it. He loves you, Chris. It’s just…he’s not a fully formed person. He doesn’t do this stuff to deliberately hurt anyone.”

“He just does. Which hurts more. He doesn’t care enough about us to stop it. Well, maybe Nancy.”

She barely managed to stop from rolling her eyes at the mention of their sister’s name. “No, he hurts her too. She just handles it differently.”

“She told me I was a way for Mom to hold on to Dad. That’s why there are so many years between you and me.”

“Nancy is dumb. You know that, right? I think it was that Mom was new to mothering and has no siblings so she dropped Nancy on her head a lot. It’s really the best explanation I can think of. She wants more love than she wants to work for. I don’t know why she’s that way.”

“She’s mean to you.”

That was a way of putting it. “It’s her way and that’s why she’s alone. Don’t be like her, baby. She makes a choice to be that way. It doesn’t make it hurt less, she just makes other people hurt along with her. Don’t let Dad or Mom or anyone make you feel like that.”

He put his head on her shoulder, and she laid her cheek against his hair. “I’m here for you. I know you get mad because I push you so hard, but I’m doing it because I love you and I want you to succeed.”

“I know,” he mumbled, straightening. “But it still sucks.”

“Can’t win ’em all, kid. You want to sack out here on my couch?”

“You’d be okay with that?”

“Yeah. But I get up at six, just FYI.”

He groaned, but went to grab some blankets and a pillow from her linen closet just the same.

She was going to have to talk with her mother after all. Maybe she’d take a trip over to the counselor’s office that week to get some advice. But she was clearly the only adult working on all cylinders and it had to be done.





“Hey there, Mrs. Travis.” Beth walked up the sidewalk toward where Lily was working the flowerbeds with her mom and Chris. “Chris, you keep getting taller and pretty soon you’re gonna bump your noggin on the doorway.”

Chris ducked his head on a blush and a mumbled hello. Beth looked bright and lovely that day.

“You’re supposed to be at Tate and Matt’s right this very moment.” She put her hands on her hips, and Lily thought absently that she should get down to the salon to get a manicure that pretty.

“You are?” Her mother looked up from where she had Chris dividing some plants. “Why are you still here?”

Lily stood, dusting her knees off. She was still here because her mother had gone off on a little woe is me story about how she was alone all the time and how Nancy said Lily should be with the family more.

But if her mother wanted to play around, she’d take it. “I did call!”

“Yes, yes. But Tate made fried chicken, Lily. Do I need to repeat that?”

“Oh. Well then. I just need to get cleaned up. Take me ten minutes. Mom, why don’t I give you a ride over to church? They’re having that plant sale and I bet your help would be really appreciated.” They’d asked her a few times, including that morning at church, but she’d been embarrassed. Her friends really did appear to miss her though, and Lily knew that they’d help her get past this mess if Pamela would only let them.

“I think you should, Mom.” Chris stood and helped their mother up. Lily smiled at the sight of the kid she sometimes wondered if she’d lost forever. Plus she knew he hated yard work.

“Well, maybe so. It does tend to get busy after lunch.”

“Great. Why don’t you go get cleaned up and I’ll take you over when you’re ready.”

Pamela smiled and agreed before disappearing into the house.

“Good call,” Chris told Lily.

Lily looked her brother over. “You want to come with us to Tate’s? They’re having a big Sunday barbecue.”

“Fried chicken. Oh and Polly Chase is there so you’re guaranteed a delicious everything. There are other young people around, and I’m pretty sure one of the men would let you do something dangerous near the coals or something.”

“So helpful.” She sent an exaggerated smile Beth’s way.

“Yeah, that’d be cool if it was all right with you guys. Maybe after I could stop by the Shack?” The Shake Shack had been a Petal institution since it opened in the mid 1990s. Kids from the high school often hung out on weekends and evenings. But it was well lit and the wildest thing they got up to was hollering at each other as the cars drove in.

“You’ve been a pretty solid kiddo for the last few weeks. I think maybe a few hours at the Shack would be a good reward.” And the kids he’d started hanging out with would be there. His little ruffian friends would be at the convenience store on the other side of town. She liked keeping them apart.

He shot off inside, and Beth followed her up to her place so she could get changed.

“Nathan’s going to be there. You should wear something that shows off your boobs.”

“He’s seen them a few times. Also, I don’t know why you keep bringing him up. He’s a friend and Chris’s teacher.”

“Whatever. I’ll pretend I don’t see how you two look at each other then.”

“Fine. I’d do the same for you.”

“It’s inevitable. You two are made to be together.”

“I thought we weren’t talking about that anymore. All those chemicals have scrambled your brains.”

Beth laughed. “You’re full of crap.”

“Yeah? Well, you kissed Ricky Crandall. And you let him touch your boob.”

Beth turned bright red. “I can’t believe you took that out of the vault.”

“I had to change the subject. I’ve got loads more. You want to go?”

“Girl, you were no angel yourself!”

They both laughed. “Yes, but you totally let a guy with a mullet feel you up. I win.”

“Feel me up! He just touched the outside. He didn’t even touch the nipple. It doesn’t even count.”

“You just keep telling yourself that.” Lily took one last look in the mirror and then headed out.

“It’s inevitable.” Beth sang it as they headed back down to collect Chris and Pamela.





She knew Nathan would be there. Beth didn’t have to tell her that. First, he seemed to be everywhere she was these days. Lily cut her gaze to Beth where she stood talking with Tate. Those Murphy women were part of it, she knew. Funny how every time she was scheduled to be somewhere with any of them, Nathan just happened to show up.

And second, this was a family event so of course he’d be there. When they’d first gotten together, it had been that connection to his siblings that’d drawn her to him the most.

As if he knew she stared, he looked up from where he’d been engaged in a cutthroat game of cards with his brothers and Matt Chase. His grin sent all sorts of naughty and inappropriate signals pinging through her body.

Boy howdy he was pretty.

“Lily Travis!”

She turned to catch sight of Polly Chase click-clacking over. Even at a backyard barbecue she wore toweringly high heels. She was a lovely, if slightly scary woman Lily had known most of her life.

Polly opened her arms, and Lily went, hugging her right back. “Mrs. Chase! It’s wonderful to see you. Mom was just talking about you and the project you and the historical society did for the old library. I wanted to tell you that if you needed the services of a photographer I’d love to help.”

“Aren’t you sweet! Thank you, honey. I most surely will. I’m glad you’re back. I know your momma has had a hard time of it. Your brother’s looking better than I’ve seen him look in a long bit of time. Nathan and Beth both tell me it’s all down to you.”

“Well that’s what you do for family.”

“No, that’s what you do for family. Most people wouldn’t have bothered. You know, I consider Tate and her brothers and sisters part of my family too. She sure has been good for my boy. A good woman does that. She makes a man want to be better. Be he a boy trying to make his sister happy, or a man like Nathan, who made some big mistakes. You’re a good woman, Lily. Make Nathan a better man.”

She blushed, but held back her immediate comment. She hadn’t been raised to sass an elder. “Nathan already is a good man. And he’s Chris’s teacher. And our history is complicated. He doesn’t need me to be a better person. He’s doing just fine.”

“Bullpucky, girl. He doesn’t need you so he can be a better man. He wants to be a better man because of you. See, that’s how you know it’s real. They’re all good at talking a woman right out of her drawers.” Polly waved that away and then called out a hello back to her husband Edward. “He’s the biggest scamp of them all. Why do you think all my boys fell so hard when the right woman came along?”

“You talking about me, lamb?” Edward Chase shook his head as he smiled toward his wife.

She wanted that. More than she’d ever wanted anything. Wanted that sort of connection with someone that made her light up.

Maybe she should try one of those computer-dating things. She deliberately didn’t look at Nathan that time.

“I most assuredly am. But it’s all good. I save the bad stuff for when I’m mad at you.”

Lily laughed and patted Polly’s hand where it laid on her arm. “I’ve always admired what you and Mr. Chase have built.”

“Thank you. It’s been work, I tell you. I’ve had my own share of times when I despaired of the man I loved. Wondered if I made the right choice. Wondered if I could forgive something he did.” She raised her shoulders briefly. “Any other man on the planet, I’d have probably run from. That one though? He’s the one for me. He lets me natter on and on. Nods his head. Remembers the big days. He’s a great father and grandfather. A good, solid man who also happens to have great buns and a face that still turns my head. A woman needs that. Needs that to keep her place, you understand what I’m saying?”

“My place?” She’d never had this sort of conversation with her own mother, Lily realized.

“Oh none of that nonsense about a woman’s place. A woman’s place is wherever she chooses. No, I mean the place you’re meant to be. People like to think on marriage or love as something that weighs you down. Holds you back. Marriage is an anchor, but in the best ways it can be said. You’re a beautiful, smart woman who cares about her family. Right there makes you better than three-quarters of the people on this old earth. Love takes work. Oh sure, you can love someone without trying. But when things get rough, if you don’t love someone right down to your toes, it’s way too easy to up and leave when they muck things up. And my goodness, they’re men, it’s part of who they are.”

Anyone else and that statement would have seemed dour and maybe even bitter. But from Polly Chase it made sense.

“He’s Chris’s teacher.”

“He looks at you like you’re the best thing he’s ever seen. I’ve been knowing that boy some time now. I’ve seen lots and lots of ladies.” She paused a moment and then snorted. “Females, don’t know about ladies. Anyway, I’ve seen lots of them sniffing around or on his arm. I’ve never seen him look at a one as if he knew every single detail of her face when he closed his eyes. That’s how he looks at you. Anyway, school year will be over soon. And then what’ll your excuse be?”

That was a good question.





She had a great time, as did Chris, she noted. He played with the younger kids a while, but once the men invited him to play cards, he was totally happy. It’d do him good to have some strong, smart men in his life.

“He looks like he’s having a good time.” Beth approached with a soda and handed it Lily’s way.

“He does. Heck, how can he not be? He eats nonstop, and the combo between Tate and Mrs. Chase’s cooking is magic. Hell, I ate so much food I’m just content to sort of sprawl here on this chair and digest until he’s done and wants to go look at girls and have another meal.”

Beth laughed and sat next to Lily. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“Me too.”

“You don’t miss your life in Macon?”

“I miss having my own house, yes. Having to live with your mother is not always special and fun. But I have some privacy and I’ll look for a place of my own once summer arrives and I can judge Chris’s school progress on my own. It’s important he knows I’m here for the long haul.”

“I can see that. I can run Chris over to the Shack if you want to stay here.”

“Oh, so I can make out with Nathan in the middle of the yard there?” Lily pointed.

Beth laughed and swatted her hand down. “So you can talk with him. He’s dying to get you all to himself. But do you see how well he’s doing by not sniffing around after you while Chris is here?”

When Nathan had first discovered his little sister’s best friend was a woman instead of an annoying girl—he’d charmed her. Overwhelmed her with the hottest seduction she was sure she’d ever experience. But this lying-in-wait thing he was doing now was even hotter. She knew he was keeping an eye on her. Tracking her as she moved through the party. He’d sat in whatever group she’d been in multiple times, but he’d not done anything overtly romantic to her in Chris’s presence.

But he’d sat extra close a few times. Had brushed past her, trailing his fingertips down the back of her arm. Driven her all sorts of nuts. And he knew it.

Chris turned and looked to his watch and found her. Lily stood and went over to where he was. “Hey. You still want me to take you over to the Shack?”

“That’d be cool. Thanks.” He unfolded his long lanky self to stand and took a moment to look around. “Thanks, Matt, for having me over today.”

Matt Chase smiled. “Of course. Any time, Chris. And remember to talk to your teacher about the internship thing. I’m happy to sponsor you if you decide to check out firefighting as a career.”

“Thanks! Mr. Murphy, see you tomorrow I guess.”

“Definitely.” Nathan’s smile warmed up all sorts of places.

“I’m going to go say goodbye to everyone,” he told her.

“Good idea. Thank-yous too. I’ll get my purse and meet you back out here in a few minutes.”

He was gone before she finished speaking, and she said her own goodbyes on the way to the house. Where Nathan waited in the dark quiet of the guest bedroom which just so happened to also be the place her purse was. Lying in wait. Sneaky.

She jumped, startled. “Jeeezalou! You scared the crap out of me.”

“I’ve been watching you all afternoon.” He stepped to her and her heart pounded.

“You have? Why?”

And then his mouth was on hers. Again.

This kiss wasn’t sweet and slow like the one outside her car. This one was hot and wet. A gnash of teeth and lips. His tongue owned her mouth. His hands on her skin, hauling her closer as he kissed her senseless.

He nipped her lip, and she moaned at the sharp, shock of sensation, the pleasure bordering right on pain. A shiver ran through her as he deepened the kiss, pulling her close, his cock at her belly.

It’d been a long time since she’d wanted someone this much. She wished…well she wished a lot of things, mainly right then she wished they were in a place where she could reach down the front of his pants and grab his cock.



The bed was so close. And yet so totally not going to happen. Nathan had to shove all that desire away and force himself to step back before anything went any further and they were discovered, or it went too far.

He sought words as they both stared at each other in the low light.

“You keep doing that.” Her voice was a strained whisper.

“I know. And you keep liking it.”

“I know. But you can’t do it anymore.” She grabbed her bag and moved to the door.

“I can and I will, Lily. I’ve watched you all day. I watch the way you move, listen to the way you talk. You smell good. You feel even better. This is meant to happen. You know it and I know it.”

She groaned and moved from the room quickly while he struggled to regain his composure. Want had him fisting his hands to keep from touching her again, to keep from running after her. This had to be step-by-step or he’d mess it up. He could wait. Because they would end up in bed. It was going to happen whether she wanted to admit it to herself or not. He just had to be patient.

But she was so gorgeous and soft. Fire in her eyes, kindness to her brother in her words and deeds. Patience was a challenge like never before. It wasn’t as if he came by it naturally. God knew his parents had none. They did what they wanted whenever they wanted it. And he wasn’t that sort of man and Lily sure as hell wasn’t that sort of woman.

And so he’d wait and bide his time. She was worth it and so was he.

When he joined everyone outside some minutes later, she’d left with Chris. He felt her absence. He wouldn’t have a month ago. But he did now.

“So, you know what I noticed?” Matt asked as Nathan rejoined them at the card table.

“No. But you’re going to tell me, so let’s get it over with.”

Shane snorted a laugh.

“You were gone at the same time Lily went in to get her stuff.”

“I said goodbye to her inside.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you did.” For some reason Shane thought this was hilarious.

“You want her back, obviously. Oh don’t get that look on your face, of course Tate told me about before.” Matt laid his hand down and everyone groaned at the cards. “I saw my momma talking to her earlier. Your Lily. I’m going to take a guess that it was a push toward you. She’s good at that.”

“Your mother is a force of nature.” Nathan looked at his hand and then back up to Matt. “She cornered me a few days ago. Asked me what my intentions toward Lily were and that I shouldn’t toy with a woman as fine as Lily if I didn’t mean to be with her for good.”

“Course she did.” Matt looked to his brothers, who all shrugged back Nathan’s way. “She was instrumental in the wooing plan for all us boys. So you plan to woo Lily then?”

“She’s not a woman prone to rash decisions. And her reasons for holding me at bay are good ones. Especially when Chris is in my class. The boy has had enough to deal with and she’s right to put him first. Lord knows no one else in that family has.” He looked at his hand and tossed two cards down to exchange. “Wooing is a good term. She needs a slow seduction because I messed up before. She doesn’t trust me all the way.”

“You the same guy you were nearly seven years ago?” Matt asked.

“Neither of us are the same people we were then. She’s matured a great deal. Grown into herself. She’s a confident woman. I like that. She’s got a strong sense of what she needs to do and I respect that. I’m older and hopefully wiser. The truth is, I was an idiot before. We were broken up. I didn’t truly appreciate what I had. And then she was gone and my life went on and so did hers. Now she’s back here in Petal and we both have so much to offer one another.”

“So you were friends before? I mean before you ended up together the first time?”

“She was my little sister’s best friend. She had Beth stay over at her house a lot. I saw that as a way to keep Beth safe from my father. So mainly I just thought she was a nice kid and all. Until I saw her later. In college. She’d grown up.” He grinned. “Filled out. We started going out after a pool party a friend had planned. When she came out of the water, glistening and wet…she had on a blue bikini. I can still remember it. Polka dots. Christ. Anyway, no more thinking of her as my little sister’s friend. We were friends and then we were lovers and then we were nothing and I’ve missed her over the years.”

Matt nodded. “The power of seeing those boobs in a bikini would be an awesome one I bet. So you gonna be her friend then first?”

“That’s the plan. But I can’t seem to stop kissing her every time I get her alone. I don’t kiss my friends. Not like that. So yes, I want to be friends again and then lovers, but the not-kissing part is impossible.”

“Here’s what we’re going to do.” Matt laid his cards down again much to everyone’s annoyance. “I know the Murphys are in on the whole woo thing. I know my momma is too. I propose the Chases and the Murphys unite and make this happen.”

Nathan laughed and leaned in. “All right. Here’s my general plan.”