The instant his lips touched my lips, I tensed.
He kissed me. It was perfectly nice.
But there was no tingling.
I felt the burn of tears in my nose and in the back of my throat and I abruptly broke the kiss. I looked up, horrified by the wet in my eyes, and apologized to his neck since I couldn’t meet his surely befuddled gaze. Hurrying away from him, I pushed through the crowds of partygoers in Cole’s flat and hurried out into the chilly stairwell. It was cold, but it felt nice against my burning skin.
“What the hell was that?” I murmured to myself, brushing my hair off my face with a trembling hand.
As if in answer, my phone rang.
That was a surprise. It was nearly impossible to get through to someone on New Year’s since the networks were so clogged with calls. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I almost dropped it when I saw the caller ID.
It was like the no-tingle kiss had conjured him.
Marco.
Feeling the breath whoosh out of me, I stared at the phone, unsure what to do.
Then, as if someone else had taken over my body, I pressed the ANSWER button and held the phone up to my ear without saying a word.
“I’m sitting here” – he started speaking, and the sound of his gravelly voice in my ear caused me to close my eyes in pain – “and for the millionth time I’m wondering what the fuck went wrong.”
Still I didn’t speak.
“I want to know what’s going on, Hannah. What’s really going on? I keep going over it and over it in my head, and no matter what my brain tells me happened that day, I refuse to believe the person that broke up with me was you. There’s something you’re not telling me. There’s got to be something you’re not telling me.” He sounded desperate, and the pain in his voice was like a fist twisting in my gut. “My head’s a fucking mess.” He sighed, his voice lowering to a rumble. “I miss you.”
Frozen, his words like a vise squeezing my lungs, I couldn’t say anything in return.
Marco waited a while.
Then he hung up.
I dropped my head, wondering why I suddenly felt like a coward. “I miss you too,” I whispered.
CHAPTER 20
A
week later school had resumed and it felt good to have something to bury myself in again. Morning classes had gone quickly and I’d now settled at my desk to do marking while I had a free period.
When the phone rang I didn’t think anything of it. I answered it and got Neil at Reception.
“Hannah, we’ve got a Cole Walker at Reception for you.”
Wondering what the hell he was doing there, I tried not to let my mind race with the worst possibilities. “Send him up.”
I put the phone down and quickly scrambled through my bag for my own phone. Had something happened to Jo? She was past due and maybe…
It seemed to take forever for my phone to come on and when it did I had no new messages or missed calls. I shoved it back in my bag just as Cole came through my doorway and slammed my door shut.
Slowly, nervously, I stood up.
Cole was furious and I had not a clue as to why. “What’s going on?”
The muscle in his jaw flexed while he looked me over, seeming beyond frustrated and angry. “I bumped into Suzanne half an hour ago.”
My stomach dropped.
“Marco has a family?” he asked in disbelief. “A kid? A wife?”
“No.” I hurried toward him in denial. “He has a son… Cole, we can’t do this here.”
“Just tell me what’s going on and I’ll leave.”
I wasn’t sure I could get through an explanation that would work without breaking down, but I attempted it. “I found out that Marco got someone pregnant when he came back to Edinburgh four years ago. She was an old friend of his. They’re not together. But they have a three-year-old son.”
He frowned at me in confusion. “You broke up with Marco because he has a child?”
The incredulity in his voice made my anxiety spike even more, but I nodded, hoping my expression didn’t give me away.
Unfortunately, the trembling in my hands did. Cole caught the shaking as he scrutinized me from top to bottom, and as soon as he saw it, he stiffened. Understanding flitted through his eyes and he pinned me to the spot with the force of his realization. “It was him,” he said hoarsely. Renewed fury roiled in his gaze. “It was fucking him. You lied? It was him! He got you pregnant and fucked off!”
“Cole —”
But he was already marching out of the room.
Panicked, not sure what he might do, I grabbed my bag and ran out of the classroom after him, struggling in my stupid heels. By the time I caught up to him he was striding across the parking lot toward his beat-up old car and he was talking on his phone to someone.
“Cole!” I shouted, but he ignored me and got in his car. “Shit.” I hurried after him, chasing him as he pulled out of the school gates. As soon as I hit the main road, I scanned the street for a taxi.
My phone rang. It was Adam.