“Ok . . .”
“It starts tomorrow.” My stomach dropped and my eyes widened. “If you still plan on testifying, you have to be there.”
“But, Mattie . . .”
“I know . . .”
“I can’t leave her . . .” My head shook back and forth feverishly.
“Shh . . .” he said, pulling me against him again.
“Porter, I can’t leave her.”
“You don’t have to.”
I did though. If I wanted to make sure Jason Ramie was put in jail, if I wanted my chance to tell him and a jury exactly what he’d done to me, I would have to leave her.
“What am I going to do?”
“You’re going to do whatever you’re comfortable with and I’ll support you either way.”
The door to the hospital room opened and Megan and my mother walked back in. Both of them stopped in their tracks when they saw us, clearly noticing something was wrong.
“Oh, Ella. I didn’t mean to upset you,” my mother said walking to me, obviously thinking I was still upset over our argument. She placed her hand on my back and I turned to her, wrapping my arms around her, suddenly needing the comfort of my mother, regardless of how angry I had been with her just ten minutes ago. I cried into her shoulder as Porter explained the situation. All the while I felt my mother’s hands rubbing up and down my back, continually calming me, letting me know she was there for me.
“Fella, whatever you need, just let us know.” Megan’s voice was soft from across the room and I gave her a weak smile over my mother’s shoulder.
“Truly, Ella. If you want us to stay with her while you go to the trial, we’ll be here, no matter what. Or if you just want us to help you while you’re here, we’ll do that. And if you decide to take her home, like the doctors said, I’ll help you with that too. Anything, Ella.” My mother’s voice was filled with emotion and I knew she was apologizing for what had happened earlier.
“Thank you, Mom.” I pulled away and wiped my eyes, feeling like the breakdown had passed for the moment. I looked to Porter and saw his eyes trying to gauge what I was thinking. My eyes drifted to Mattie next and I took in a deep breath and let it out loudly.
I spent the next few hours just holding Mattie, rocking back and forth in the uncomfortable chair the hospital provided, nursing her, kissing her, feeling her satiny hair beneath my fingers. I listened to Porter interact with my family and I tried to add a word in every once in a while, but I was busy loving on my daughter. No one seemed to notice or mind. Eventually my mother and sister left, kissing us both and giving Porter hugs, telling him to let them know what I decided to do.
Sometime that evening, as I held Mattie in my arms and spoke to her about little lambs and curds and whey, the door slowly creaked open and I was surprised to see Brittany poke her head into the room. Her face was painted with hesitation and worry, instantly setting off my internal alarm—something was wrong.
“Hi, Brittany, come in,” I said quietly, not wanting to wake Mattie. Porter stood and opened the door all the way for her and she shyly made her way into the room. When she made it fully in I saw that she carried a bouquet of colorful wildflowers. She set them down on the counter and twisted the vase so that the most beautiful and colorful flowers faced us.
“I wanted to come and see how Mattie was doing,” she said timidly. My eyes flitted downward and I noticed her hands were trembling. Something wasn’t right. Brittany took the few steps that brought her right next to me and she looked down upon Mattie and a smile grew wide across her face. “She’s so beautiful. Is she going to be ok?”
I nodded and looked down at her as well. “The doctors say she’s through the worst of it and can go home soon.”
“That’s fantastic,” Brittany said, but her voice didn’t match the sentiment. Tears welled and she trembled.
“Why don’t you sit down,” I said, standing up and offering her my chair which she took quickly. “Porter can you go and get her some water?” He was up and heading towards the door instantly.
“No, wait, he should be here for this too,” Brittany said, halting him.