“That night…” I start, but hesitate so I can think about my words carefully. We’ve never spoken about the night he broke up with me. The night that ruined my life, albeit temporarily. “Mason…” I can’t bring myself to say it without choking up. It’s too hard to speak about him because he’s missing so much.
Liam pulls me to him, resting his forehead against my chest. I hold him there, moving my fingers in and out of his hair. When he kisses my stomach I want to cry for the child we both desperately want, but are unable to conceive.
“I want to give you a child, Jojo. I’m so sorry I can’t.”
“You already gave me one,” I remind him.
“I wasn’t there, but Mason was.”
When Liam looks up at me, tears overcome me and are matched by his own. Using the pad of his thumbs, he wipes them away as fast as he can, leaving his own to fall onto his bare chest.
“I saw him go to your room. I waited in the parking lot, but you never came out. I told myself if you did, I’d stay or take you with me, but he showed up instead. Why didn’t you come after me?”
“I knew it was over.” The finality of my words, even years later, weighs heavily on my chest. I gasp for air and Liam’s face shows concern as he holds my arms above my head until I can breathe.
“How’d you know when I didn’t even know that myself?”
“You called me Josephine.”
“Are you going to miss my baseball championship?” Noah asks, as I rummage through my side of the closet, pulling out enough clothes to last me a while. With Linda, our full-time housekeeper, staying here I’ll be on my own to wash my clothes. It’s a chore I’m not very good at so I figure if I pack enough to last me, I should be okay.
“Are you going to make it to the championship?”
Noah scoffs, looking at me as if I’ve asked the dumbest question ever. Confidence is one trait he’s gotten from me tenfold. If he tells me he’s going to walk on water, I’ll believe him. He’s determined to succeed at everything.
“Of course we will. Nick says we’re the strongest team in the state and have an excellent chance at making it to Williamsport.”
I want to be a petulant child and roll my eyes at the mention of Nick, but I’ve made promises to my son and wife. I’m playing nice. I’m sharing, even when I don’t want to. I pause and take a good hard look at Noah and conclude that he is light years ahead of where I was at his age in maturity. He has faith in his coach to lead them to the coveted prize of the Little League World Series. And if he does, if Nick comes through with these kids, you can bet your ass I’ll be there.
“When playoffs start, I’ll be home,” I tell him, but he looks skeptical. He shouldn’t look at me like that even though I know I’ve earned it. Here I am trying to build a life with him and Josie, only to leave when she’s going to need me the most. Noah should remember that the second I found out about him, I wanted to be a part of his life. Has it been easy? No, it hasn’t. He and I walk the line on who’s the boss and how much authority I have. It’s hard to be the mean guy when you’re ten years removed from the situation.
Noah picks up his acoustic guitar and strums a few lines. When he asked me to teach him to play, I jumped at the opportunity. I also asked him if he wanted to learn the drums, piano, Karate or take dance lessons. The latter earned me a dirty look. I refuse to be like Sterling and make him only play football. Noah’s a damn good pitcher, as well, and it makes me proud that he’s not specializing in only one sport. That’s what Sterling wanted and achieved with me. I think his proudest moment was when the huge sign was perched in our front yard declaring the house as my residence. I hated the sign, but never said anything because it wasn’t my place. I was just a pawn in Sterling’s life, one that let him down completely.