My Kind of Forever by Heidi McLaughlin
To all the fans who have stuck with
Liam & Josie, Harrison & Katelyn and Jimmy & Jenna,
I thank you!
Liam’s eyes go wide when the whoosh of the baby’s heartbeat echoes throughout the room. He stares from the screen to me and back at the screen again. He missed this with Noah so it was important for him to be here when we found out the sex of the baby.
“That has got to be the coolest sound ever. No wonder JD listens to it all the time. I should record it too.”
He takes out his cell phone and holds it right next to the speaker on the monitor. Watching him take all of this in without reservation is such a relief. It’s one thing to become an “insta-dad” to a then ten year old, but it’s entirely different when you’re part of the entire process from the beginning. Liam missed everything with Noah but hasn’t missed a single step this time.
“Mr. and Mrs. Westbury, would you like to know the sex of the baby?”
I look at Liam who smiles so brightly it makes me love him even more. We need this, not because we’re struggling, but because I know he feels incomplete when it comes to being a dad. When Eden is with us, he’s the doting uncle that does everything for her, even rushing to change her diaper. She has Liam wrapped around her little finger and I don’t think he’d want for it to be any different. Liam wants to experience the midnight and two a.m. feedings, the walks in the park, and the first babbling words. I want that for him as well.
Noah, on the other hand, doesn’t want a sibling.
“Do you want to know, Jojo?”
There they are the words I’ve been waiting for... he wants to know but is leaving the decision up to me.
“Yes, I want to know.”
“Perfect,” the sonographer says. “If you look right here, you’ll see his penis.”
“It’s a boy!”
“He has a penis!” Liam shouts, silencing the room.
We look at him and burst out laughing. Liam blushes when he realizes his outburst and turns his attention back to the sonogram on the monitor. He studies it as if there’s a test at the end of the visit and I silently wish I had my camera or phone with me so I could take his picture. I want to believe this is how he would have been when I was pregnant with Noah, but my heart tells me otherwise.
It’s hard to understand why he left, especially the way he did, but I accept it. We were young and na?ve about what the future held for either of us. Life is rainbows and roses when you’re eighteen and blinded by your first love. My life was planned around Liam’s. I was going to be his wife, be his constant cheerleader as he played in the NFL. I was going to be the doting mother of two children in our big fancy house inside a gated community. I was going to be the wife who was in love with her husband no matter what.
Instead, I ended up being pregnant and alone. I ended up being a distant memory, an annoying mess of the person he once loved at the other end of a voice message, screaming how much I hated him but never blurting out the words that could’ve changed everything.
I often think back to those bleak days of being forced fed by Mason and Katelyn. Sleeping between my two best friends because they feared I would do something stupid. The only stupid thing I wanted to do was find Liam and tell him face-to-face that we were having a child.
When I went to his parents, desperate and scared, I knew it was a long shot. I knew if I could just talk to Bianca, she would reach out to Liam and tell him to call me. She’d tell him to come home, but it wasn’t meant to be. Sterling refused to acknowledge that I was carrying his grandchild. To them, I was nothing but trash hell bent on trapping their son. To them, Liam leaving me was the best thing he could’ve ever done.
They were right because had I told him, he would’ve come home and we would’ve gotten married. That much I’m sure about. Liam’s a good man and he would’ve done the right thing. But I don’t believe I’d still be with him today. Liam was right when he said we’d be divorced. I can see it play out in my mind. With a child and no college education, he’d be stuck in a dead end job. He’d sulk, sitting in front of the television drinking beer each night. His friends would have all achieved what they set out to do, leaving him behind. He was right to leave and follow his dreams. Even though it killed me to not have him by my side when Noah was born, I have him now.