I knock once before twisting the knob and pushing his door open enough to peek in. He’s lying on his bed, tossing his football in the air. He looks so much like Liam at this age - even though he and I weren’t friends back then, I still saw him around town. Katelyn and I used to watch him and Mason play football on Saturdays, riding our bikes over to the park. Then, high school changed everything for me.
Noah doesn’t stop when I sit down on the edge of his bed so I do what any mom would do; I lie down next to him and catch the ball. I think it’s funny, but he doesn’t and lets out a huge overdramatic sigh.
“Life sucks, doesn’t it?” I hand him back his football, knowing he likes to feel the leather against his fingertips.
“No.” I pause, wondering if he’s being truthful or sarcastic. At this age, it’s hard to tell.
“Noah, I’d really like you to give me full answers. I came up here to talk to you. I know you’re going through a lot of changes and if you don’t want to talk to me, you can talk to your dad.”
“I don’t want to talk to him.”
I roll onto my side and turn his face toward me. His blue eyes glisten with tears. “Why not?” I try to keep my voice stoic because he can’t know that I’m falling apart on the inside.
“He wants to replace me.”
“Oh Noah,” I cry out with my hand covering my mouth. “That isn’t true. Your dad loves you so much. This baby isn’t going to change that.”
“Yes, it will. He’ll want to be with the baby instead of throwing the football around or coming to my games.”
I shake my head. “You’re his best friend, Noah, and a baby isn’t going to change that. It’ll be years before he can do the things that you guys do together and when the baby is ready, you’ll be off in college.”
“Why do you want a dumb baby anyway?”
“Because this family has a lot of love to give to someone who needs it. His parents don’t want him and I don’t know about you, but I bet it feels really bad to not be wanted.”
Noah looks at me for a minute or so. He has a few tears falling onto his pillow, but I don’t bring attention to them. He’s a big boy now, almost a man according to him.
“It’s a boy?”
“Yeah. I’m stuck with another Westbury man. I’m never going to win any battles.”
Noah laughs and wipes at his face angrily. “Can you promise me that nothing will change?”
“I promise, Noah.”
It’s moments like these that make me despise Sterling even more. If he had been a better father maybe I could handle the situation with Noah better. I’m flying by the seat of my pants with each problem that arises. That’s not the way to raise a child. I could probably benefit from some classes or maybe even therapy to get over the issues I have with my parents. Either way, shit with Noah has to change. He has to know I’m here for him no matter what, even when I’m on tour or locked in the studio recording. He’s my priority in life.
So is Josie, and that’s why I need to tell her about this ridiculous book that is coming out. I understand that people have the freedom to say as they want, but you should never profit off ruining another person’s image or potentially their life. Writing a book about me, my band, or anyone else for that matter, without their consent, should be against the law. I don’t know what I’m more pissed about – the fact that this journalist was able to get her hands on Sam’s diaries and Mr. Moreno allowed it, or the fact that shit happened in my life that I never intended to tell Josie about. The Sam shit I can deal with, but I’m not so sure that Josie will be very keen on finding out about the other stuff and how much of a douche I really was.
I start preparing dinner for everyone. Over the past year or so I’ve become a self-proclaimed master with the grill. No one tells me my skills make their food taste nasty, so the title stays. Josie is my dessert maker. She makes a mean chocolate cake. It tastes even better when she’s not sharing it with my friends.
At least once a week we’re eating at each other’s houses. I believe there’s some sort of secret agreement that we switch, but I can’t confirm. I just do what I’m told and go where directed. It’s best to not ask too many questions. The only time I need to be prepared is when we’re going to Nick’s or he’s coming over here. I respect his relationship with my son, but that’s as far as it’s going for me. I can tolerate him, but I adore Aubrey. She’s a firecracker for sure... and a lifesaver.
Small, yet strong arms wrap around my waist causing me to put the knife that I’ve been using down. After wiping my hands with the nearby towel, I turn and pull Josie closer to me. She’s been crying and as much as I want to cup her face and smooth out her frown lines, the last thing she needs from me are remnants of meat on her skin.
“Everything okay?”