He hustles through the crowded hallway moving no differently than when he’s on the field, dodging the residents who are coming at him. I try desperately to call his name to no avail. My voice is gone, broken. The words I need to say to him are either caught in my throat, or nowhere to be found. Bearing down, I scream his name until people are looking at me. My new friends, classmates and neighbors stare as make-up runs down my blotchy, tear stained face. Liam ignores me and continues his pursuit away from me. Why? Why is he doing this?
Mason can catch him. That’s what I tell myself as I dial his number. Again, I can only speak in wails and broken sentences. “Liam” and “gone” are the only recognizable words I know. The dial tone in my ear tells me to hang up, but I hold the phone to my ear, crying, begging for Liam to come back.
The pounding on my door causes me to drop the phone. I run as fast as I can across my small room, only to find Mason standing there instead of Liam.
“What’s going on?”
“He… he’s… gone.” I can hardly utter the words and fall to the floor. Mason is there to catch me before I hurt myself. The pain I’m feeling in my chest - it’s unbearable. I sob in Mason’s arms, barely able to catch my breath. He rubs my back, urging me to calm down, but I can’t. The love of my life has cut me open with a jagged knife and ripped my heart out before slamming it back into the open wound.
“Are you hurt, Josie?”
Am I hurt? I’m not sure how to quantify the pain I’m feeling as hurt. Hurt to me is a paper cut, or a sliver. The suffering I’m experiencing goes far beyond that. What I’m feeling now is irreparable. I’m inevitably broken.
Mason carries me to my bed, setting me down softly. He picks up the phone, but my sobs are too loud for me to hear who he is calling. I can’t stop crying, but I need to because I can’t breathe. The pressure on my chest is suffocating. My body feels like I’ve been battered, tackled by a three hundred pound lineman.
Gentle arms wrap around me, cocooning me into a bubble of warmth and love. Quiet words of reassurance are spoken, meant to guide me down a path of healing, but I’ll never heal from this. Deep in my heart, I know he’s not coming back. Katelyn barks orders at Mason, who leaves, slamming the door behind him.
I close my eyes and when I do I see Liam, standing at my doorway, refusing to come in. I should’ve known something was wrong. He shied away from my touch. The only other time he did that was after our fight the night of graduation. Let me have a do over. Let me ask Liam what’s wrong before he runs out on me.
“Can you talk?” Katelyn asks
My whole body shakes, refusing to acknowledge what just happened.
“Did you lose the baby?”
The baby. Our baby. My forearm shields my abdomen as if to protect the tiny bean growing inside of me.
“No,” I mutter through tears. “Liam.”
“What?” Katelyn sits up abruptly, almost knocking me into the wall. “What’s wrong with Liam?”
“Liam?” Mason says his name as he comes back into our room with a bottle of water and two white pills. He hands them to me slowly.
“What happened, Josie?” He’s in front of me, on his knees and pleading for answers. He thinks something awful has happened to his best friend.
Just thinking about saying his name again brings tears to my eyes. I can’t control the sob that moves through my body. I try, but to no avail and I’m quickly hyperventilating.
“What the fuck happened to Liam?”
“He…” I hiccup, trying to catch my breath, “left me.” I finish with a shudder.
The room grows silent. They also know that Liam is gone and not coming back. If there was a chance I thought he was, I wouldn’t be like this. The finality of his words, the way he said my name, has given me no hope.
“Did you tell him?” Katelyn asks, only for Mason to speak up.
“Tell him what?”
“I’m pregnant.”
Mason grits his teeth and his hands turn into fists. He looks from me to Katelyn before storming out of our room again, slamming the door behind him. It’s only a matter of seconds before the roar of his truck echoes back to our room. Katelyn sits down next to me, her fingers combing through my hair.
“Mason will find him and when he does, he’ll bring him to his senses.”
I don’t want to tell her she wrong because deep down I’m holding out hope. Hope that Liam is outside, realizing the mistake he’s made and wanting to fix it. Hope that I’m not going to raise this baby alone.