“I don’t know! I’m a dude. Dudes always have mustard in their fridge!”
“There, is that better?” I ask, tossing the towel into the sink and holding my arms out.
“Yes, much better,” he tells me with a sigh as he moves back toward me.
He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me up against him. Just as soon as our bodies touch, he pushes me away and takes a step back.
“Nope, not better. I can still smell it. Oh Jesus, it’s so mustardy!”
His hand is covering his mouth at this point and he’s bent over at the waist. In an angry huff, I turn around and march back to the fridge, flinging the door open and grabbing random items. I take the lid off of the first bottle in my arsenal, whirl around, and start pitching it in his general direction. A-1 sauce rains down on his head and all over the kitchen floor.
His head jerks up as I empty the bottle and then toss it to the side, flipping up the lid on the squeeze-bottle of ketchup tucked under my arm before bringing it up above my head in both hands.
“You wouldn’t.”
“Oh, I would,” I threaten before squeezing hard on the bottle. An arc of ketchup flies out and hits Gavin right in the chest.
He blinks at me in shock and then charges. Squealing, I throw the ketchup bottle to the ground and turn to run, but my foot slides right through a ketchup/A-1 mixture and I slip across the floor, landing right on my ass. Gavin jumps over me and opens the fridge, quickly turning around and dumping a jar of black olives and all the juice on top of my head.
“Eeew, eew, eew! Black olives are disgusting!” I screech.
“Yeah, how do you like it now, bitch!”
I stop screaming and glare up at him.
“Oops, my bad. Please don’t kill me,” he pleads.
“Gavin, you seriously need to get your mailing address changed. I’m getting tired of bringing over your—”
Uncle Carter stops at the doorway to the kitchen and looks back and forth between the two of us. I quickly pull the chef coat closed and avoid looking at him while I button it back up.
“Hey, Dad. So, what’s new?” Gavin asks casually as he leans against the fridge.
Reaching over, I smack him in the leg and hold my hand out to him with an angry glare. He quickly grabs my hand and pulls me up off of the floor, moving me behind him so I’m not standing in front of his father, half-naked and covered in black olive juice.
“Well, at least you’re not naked with Tyler again,” Uncle Carter says with a sigh.
Gavin looks at me and whispers. “Don’t ask.”
Uncle Carter turns and walks out of the kitchen.
“Follow me,” he shouts back to us.
Gavin and I stare at each other for a few minutes before he shrugs and grabs my hand, pulling me into the living room behind his dad. We find him sitting on the couch with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped. I’m not going to lie, I’m a little freaked out right now. Uncle Carter is usually never this quiet. Is he going to yell at us? Be disappointed that we’re kind of sort of together and haven’t told the family?
“I was really afraid of this happening,” Uncle Carter finally says with a sigh as we stand in front of him with our heads bowed like two kids at the principal’s office.
Oh my God, here it comes. He’s going to tell us what a bad idea it is for us to be together. He knows Gavin doesn’t love me and that it’s only going to end in disaster.
Uncle Carter raises his head and looks back and forth between the two of us. “Be honest with me here. How long has this been going on?”
My heart is racing a mile a minute and I kind of want to cry. I can’t believe this is happening.
“Um, like a week? Or something,” Gavin mumbles.
“A week. Okay. Okay, we can fix this. That’s not enough for any long-term damage,” Uncle Carter says reassuringly.
Except I am NOT reassured. I am not reassured at all. What kind of long-term damage is he talking about? It’s official. I’m going to have to marry my fake, gay boyfriend and spend the rest of my life never having awesome sex with the man I love ever again.
“I don’t think we’ll need hypnosis. Maybe just some mind-altering drugs. I wonder if acid would work. I’ve never done acid. It should be perfectly safe in small doses,” Uncle Carter tells us.
“Dad, what the fuck are you talking about? I love Charlotte. We’re not taking acid and nothing needs to be fixed,” Gavin argues.
Wait, what the fuck?!
“I know you love her. Love has nothing to do with this,” Uncle Carter complains.
I say again, THE FUCK?!
“Love has everything to do with it!” Gavin shouts.
“Gavin, I don’t think you understand the seriousness of this situation. Look at the two of you. You’re so young. It’s not a path you want to go down.”
“Dad, are you high right now? Seriously. Has Tyler been to your house? Did you eat any little pieces of chocolate he might have left behind?” Gavin demands.