Chapter Twenty-Six
Our Own Routine
I was going to kill my mother. She needed to leave and soon.
I could do nothing right where she was concerned. I held Vivi too much. I needed to let her sleep in her crib more instead of the bassinet in my room. I didn’t burp her properly. I didn’t dress her warmly enough. The list was endless really.
Add to that the fact I was up every few hours to feed the baby. Grant had been working overtime, so he and I still hadn’t determined how this co-parenting thing was going to work. All of it put me at my wits end.
Six weeks had passed since we brought Vivi home. Grant had worked his magic and had a whole nursery in light pink and pale green set up in the bedroom next to the master bedroom, which used to function as his home office. The furniture was all high end and white in color. It was a dainty, girlie room. I could sit in there for hours, rocking her and enjoying the aesthetics.
My room was down the hall from Vivi’s, which meant she was sandwiched in between both her parents. Grant said he had wanted her close to him, and my heart melted at a seemingly masculine and virile man being putty in his daughter’s hands.
I didn’t really need much, but the room I was in was luxurious just the same. The bed was large and comfy with expensive, soft and silky sheets on it. Grant had a television mounted on the wall for me to watch. And Madison was nice enough to put a bassinet in my room.
I hadn’t left the apartment since we arrived. Maya was taking on any of the reduced duties that we had, which meant her salary was being covered, but that was about it. I wasn’t even sure I could continue to pay the health insurance I had now that Vivi was on it too. I figured I would worry about that later, after my mother was long, long gone and not trying my patience.
Even Grant was getting sick of having her here. I could tell by the way he looked at her and the tone he often used with her. Last night, she was harping on him about the way he was powdering Vivi’s butt when he changed her diaper. Grant snapped and told her to mind her f*cking business. The look on my mother’s face was priceless. I decided to stay neutral so as to not hurt either one’s feelings.
“Mom, are you still going home tomorrow?” I asked over dinner that night. My mother had made lasagna and the three of us sat at the dining room table while Vivi slept in her seat next to me.
“I’m glad you brought that up actually. I know you said you needed to get back to work, so I was thinking I could stay and be your live in nanny. That house upstate is too much for me anyway. I think I could be of more use to you here.” She took a bite and looked proud of herself for that reason.
I choked on my food and quickly washed it down with milk.
Grant spoke up before I could, “I’ll hire a nanny. Or you can stay home. It’s up to you, Elizabeth.”
“Why would you hire a stranger to take care of my grandbaby when I’m perfectly capable of doing it?”
“Because I don’t want you living here. We need to get on as a family with our own routine. Whereas I enjoy your company most of the time, I think it would be best if you went home.”
“Mom. I think what Grant meant was that as parents, yes, we need to get our own routine, but also I want for my child to be able to visit Nana and spend time in the home I grew up in. You are more than welcome to come visit and I’ll always make a point to come up and visit you.”
She huffed, and her face was mottled red. “Fine. Kick an old woman when she’s down.”
“It isn’t like that Mom and you know it. Please don’t make this harder on me. I’m a grown woman who needs to stand on my own two feet, not rely on my mother.”
“You’ve been taking care of me for a long time, Elizabeth. I want to return the favor.”
“I am who I am because of you. Never think differently. I’m happy to take care of you when I can.”
“Thank you, sweetie.” She turned and gave Grant an evil eye. “I’ll be leaving tomorrow. Are you going to have that nice man drive me home?”
He smirked at her. “Yes. George will drive you home. Do you mind watching Genevieve tonight so that Elizabeth and I can spend some time together? I have some things I’d like to discuss with her.”
I swallowed hard and instantly felt nervous about spending time alone with him. My pulse raced, not knowing what he wanted to talk about. I was still waiting for him to chew my ass about the decisions I had made.
“Of course. I would love to. I’ll just clean up in here and then Vivi and I will disappear for the night. I’ll even take the baby monitor to bed tonight so you two can get your sleep.” She winked at Grant and grabbed a few plates and headed towards the kitchen.
Grant’s eyes were gleaming when he looked at me and I sucked in my breath. I hadn’t seen him look at me like that since before our breakup.
“I’m just going to jump in the shower, if you don’t mind.”
“Be my guest. I’ll meet you in the Great Room when you’re ready.”
I left a sleeping Vivi with her father and grandmother when I raced off to get ready to spend time with him. I told myself it wasn’t because I still loved him, but rather because I needed to wash the smell of baby puke off of me.
?????
I adjusted the V-cut sweater that showcased my cleavage. Maybe I should change. Grant had said that he wanted to talk, not shove his tongue down my throat and his cock inside me, which is what this shirt was begging him to do.
God, I was an idiot.
I brushed out my hair for the tenth time and reapplied my lip gloss. I bent over and shook out my hair, flipping it back over and turning this way and that in the floor length mirror. I considered changing out of my tight jeans and putting on something that was more figure flattering. I had at least fifteen pounds that I needed to lose still.
Maybe a skirt would do. Grant always did like my legs. No, that was just ridiculous. I wasn’t going out there to seduce him. I was going out there to talk to him like two single parents looking to raise their child together.
I dug through the closet looking for a scarf to tie around my neck and hide some of my cleavage.
Now I was just stalling. I needed to man up and go out there and have a civil conversation without losing my cool.
I took a deep breath and walked out of my room towards the other end of the apartment.
Grant was sitting on the couch with his head resting on the back, and his eyes closed. He wore a black dress shirt, unbuttoned at the collar, and charcoal gray suit pants. Frank Sinatra was silently crooning in the background. It was quite a seductive picture.
I had to fight the urge to climb on top of him and profess my undying love to him before f*cking him good and hard. It had been far too long since I had a good f*cking. Grant ruined me when he got me used to fabulous, mind blowing sex on a regular basis.
I cleared my throat, and he opened his eyes. His face split into a wide smile when his eyes raked up and down my body.
“You clean up nice,” his low voice slid across my skin and gave me goosebumps.
“Thanks. You wanted to talk?” I settled on the opposite end of the couch and angled my body towards him.
“I do. First of all, I want to talk about you going back to work. I would ultimately like to see you raising our daughter full time, but–” He held up his hands to silence my protest. “I know how important your job is to you and how much you enjoy it. If you want to start working again, I’ve already interviewed a few nannies that came highly recommended. I can have Madison set up interviews for you as well. I want you to feel comfortable with whomever we choose.”
“Yes. I’d like to meet them. My plan is to take on enough work in order to earn enough money to cover health insurance for now. Then maybe slowly increase my time away from her.”
“That’s another thing. I have the insurance issue taken care of. Vivi is now on my plan. You can call your company tomorrow. So if you want to hold off longer, you can.”
I was taken aback that he did that without consulting me. His plan probably had better coverage than mine, but I would have liked to have been consulted first.
“I still need to pay for my insurance,” I snapped at him.
“Then we’ll get married and you can come on my plan too. Nothing to worry about,” he said nonchalantly.
“We’ll get married? Are you crazy?” I shrieked at him.
“Yes, married. It makes sense. You won’t have to worry about anything. You’ll have health insurance and I’ll be able to offer you security.”
“I can’t believe you!” I cried out, jumping from the couch and pointing my finger at him.
How dare he pose a marriage of convenience? If I was going to get married, I’d want to because he loved me, not because it made sense.
“I will not marry you. And as far as proposals go, yours sucked! Let’s just pretend we never had this conversation. I’ll go back to my life and you can go back to yours. We’ll parent Vivi together, but other than that, I have nothing else to say to you.”
I stomped off to my room and cried myself to sleep while watching a Lifetime movie. I wasn’t sure how things got so royally f*cked up. All I knew was I was living with a man whom I loved, who didn’t love me. He probably hated me, but felt like he had to be nice because of Vivi. He wanted a marriage of convenience just so it would benefit our daughter. Things just kept getting better and better.
A few hours later there was a soft knock on my door.
“Elizabeth? Are you awake?” Grant’s soft voice filtered in through the door.
I laid in bed and debated answering. Eventually, I got up and opened the door.
I heard him hiss in a breath when he saw my sleep shorts and tight tank top. My nipples were poking out of the top. My breasts definitely grew since having Vivi.
“Hey,” I murmured lowly so as to not bother the baby in the next room.
“Hey,” he murmured back. “I didn’t like the way we left things. I know your autonomy is important to you. I’m sorry for the way I approached things tonight.”
“Thank you. And I’m sorry how I reacted.”
We both stared at each other, neither of us sure what to say.
I bit my lip and said, “I’m just going to get some rest. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
He leaned in and kissed the tip of my nose, and my heart skipped a beat.
I shut the door and leaned against it. I really needed to get past my reactions to him or else living together was going to be more difficult than I imagined.
?????
Two nights later, I stirred and looked at the clock. Surprised to see it was three o’clock in the morning and Vivi hadn’t woken me to eat, I rolled out of bed, visited the bathroom and then walked down the hall to her room.
I gently pushed her door open and was met with the most endearing sight I had ever seen.
Grant was in the rocking chair in the corner of the room. Vivi was tucked inside his white dress shirt, lying on his bare chest. An empty bottle was on the table next to him, and they were both sound asleep.
They were the two people that I loved the most in the whole world.
It was so damn sweet seeing him with her. He looked so soft and vulnerable. His face was peaceful, and I could see so much of him reflected in Vivi’s face. Her dark hair was definitely his, and so far her eyes still hadn’t turned from blue.
Her little pink mouth suckled in her sleep, and her fist was curled around his finger.
I gently picked her up and carried her to her crib. I covered her with the blanket and kissed my fingers before bringing them to her cheek.
I turned back to Grant and debated about leaving him sprawled out in the chair or waking him up. Deciding that he’d been working so hard lately and trying to help me as much as possible, I chose to let him sleep. I covered him with a quilt and kissed his mouth softly before heading back to bed.
The next morning, Vivi and I walked into the kitchen and found Grant reading the paper. I handed her to him and began preparing breakfast.
“Hungry?” I asked as I cracked eggs in a bowl.
“Famished.” I turned my head at the tone in his voice. His eyes were dark and hooded. I swallowed hard and turned back to my task. It had to have been my imagination. Or lack of sleep. There was no way Grant would want me. And if he did it was just for sex seeing as how he hadn’t gone out at all since we brought Vivi home. He couldn’t possibly still love me after everything that had happened. I still hadn’t set him straight about what happened with Travis. For all he knew I was still a whore.
“I’m assuming you put Genevieve back to bed last night?”
“I did. I also noticed you were doing Kangaroo care with her. I didn’t know you knew about that.”
“I may have done a bit of research. I picked up a great book on bonding and I thought I’d try it. She didn’t really get to know my voice like she did yours so I thought it was important.”
Tears filled my eyes, and I tried to wipe them away without him noticing.
One strong arm went around my waist and his mouth went to my ear. “Don’t cry. I didn’t mean anything by that. It was just a fact I was stating.”
“I’m so, so sorry. I can’t say it enough.”
“Just answer me this. Would you have told me after she was born?”
I bit my lip and turned my head away. Fresh tears went down my face.
“I see.” He stepped back and I instantly missed his warmth.
“I can’t answer that, Grant. I don’t know what I would have done. I’m sorry.”
“That’s fine. Look, I need to get into the office early today. I’ll put her seat here for you to watch her. See you later.”
I watched him walk away with my heart in my throat.