“Whatever you're most comfortable with. I don't endeavor to disrupt your new world. She looks very precious in there and deserves all your attention and love. Let's not prolong this cloud hanging over our heads.”
“Azmir, the only person predicting rain is you. Tell me,” she cleared her raspy voice. “What will happen when she turns out to be yours? Have you given any thought to that?”
“Sure, I have. I'd be the best father I could be with whatever necessary lifestyle adjustments it would take.”
“Including your new girl toy, the dancer?” Evidence of my hunch, Tara was still as bold and fiery as ever.
“Who I date isn't up for discussion and has no bearing on my potential role as a father.”
“Will she agree with that?” she fired back.
“My personal life is none of your business and that's final.” I was losing my patience. Ill or not, Tara was about to get cussed the fuck out in her sick bed.
“It is my business when it concerns my child...your child.”
“If the test result yields such facts I will handle the affairs of my life while you stay in yours.”
Her head jolted as her eyes grew. I knew that was a low blow. Tara still wanted to be together and I could tell she thought my feelings would change once this baby had arrived. I needed it to be clear that they wouldn't right away. I looked at my pocket watch for the time.
“I have to go. Is there anything I can get you or the baby?”
She was still dazed and through her eyes I could see she was processing my question as my previous comments weighed on her mind.
“A car seat.” She murmured, lost in her ruminative thoughts. “The one I got from my shower has been recalled. I just sent it off yesterday with the intentions of replacing it but I had gotten so tired that I went home to rest thinking I had plenty of time…” her voice trailed and her eyes fixated on some distant object.
“Indeed. You’ll have it today. Call me if I could be of any help. I’ll wait for you two to recover before expecting the test, but I do suggest getting it done not long after.”
I rose from my chair and grabbed Tara’s hand as a means of being kind. No matter what our differences, she had meant a lot to me over the years. Our time had come to an end but my general respect for her was still present. She was Big D’s daughter, giving us a sort of agnatic connection.
She placed her left hand on top of my right. “Why can't we work things out?” Her voice was drenched in desperation and diluted in regret. “Is it because of your new friend?” She referred to Rayna as she frantically searched my eyes. “If that's the case, I can be patient, Azmir. I’ll stand back until you work your way out of it with her.”
Was she consenting to being a side chick? Tara was far more unhinged than I'd given her.
“You’re not accepting responsibility. You’re more culpable in this than you’re willing to admit, but know this one thing, T; you can fool a lot of people by not disclosing your blunders but when it’s just you and me in a room, alone with no outside influences, you cannot withhold them from me. Your indiscretions will never be forgotten, but let’s not allow your denial to get us to a place where we can’t be cordial. We have too much history not to be. Your dad doesn’t deserve a war between us,” my voice was low yet steady.
She heard every argument of my message, based upon her reaction. I peered directly in her eyes for seconds before leaving her room.
Big D was in the waiting area, in the corner on the phone when I made it back. I didn't interrupt him because I didn't want the questions, so I left out instead. Ray was waiting outside as arranged.