I sobbed and sobbed. I mourned love lost, that which was unexpected and even that which was uncharted and yet undiscovered. I felt pain in every hollow place deep inside that Azmir filled physically and emotionally. I wept, pitying myself for opening up in ways that were past my emotional limits. I grieved for the pending nights that I wouldn’t have his lush touch, lighting the torch of my body. The touched I craved and had become desperately needy for. The one that could amend for scores of offenses.
I cried until my abs hurt. What have I done to myself? I knew that I simply had to ride out the pain and one day it would all dissipate. As much as I knew in my heart of hearts that I’d always love Azmir, I knew that in due time my wounded heart and soul would heal. I did it before…well kinda, but this time would be different because we blended our lives and had shared a bed.
In due time this will pass. It would just be hell getting through the first phase of it.
My self-preservation mode was in full effect.
The next morning, I got up and out early to catch my session with Tyler. I’d spent all night debating if I should go considering Azmir paid for his services. I told myself that if it came to it, I’d see about taking on the expense alone. Tyler provided results and was worth every penny he required. He worked me over some kind of bad when we sparred that morning. He said it was because I hadn’t seen him in over a week and my muscles needed a reminder. I focused my mind and went hard, having a lot of frustration to get out.
When we were done he said with an unknowing smile, “You did well, Brimm. Let’s see if your man can measure up.”
“Huhn?” I asked, confused and completely flustered by the Azmir reference.
“Divine…he’s my next client. You must have left the house before he woke up this morning,” Tyler falsely surmised just before taking a swig of his bottled water.
“Oh,” I said and gave a contrived chuckle.
So, Azmir’s in the building? I was surprised. It was a weekday and I guess I assumed the possibility of him being out of town on business. I was sure to maintain a swift stride to the showers to avoid running into him. Adrenaline coursed through my veins when I turned the corner, just feet away from the women’s locker room entrance and heard someone greet, “Good morning, Mr. Jacobs!”
“Good morning, Paul,” Azmir replied less enthused. My heart trembled at the sound of his silky vocal chords.
I calculated he was maybe a yard away, around the corner. I dashed into the opening of the locker room, praying that he didn’t catch my backside. I really wasn’t prepared to face him so soon. It made me consider if I should switch around my workout schedule. That idea was quickly dismissed when I remembered Azmir worked out with Tyler at various times of the day, depending on his schedule.
Crap! My life sucks!
I arrived to work and greeted Sharon when I walked through the door. Upon giving me a synopsis of my schedule, she reminded me of our full staff meeting that we would have to host next Monday because the only other conference room large enough to fit the Smith, Katz & Adams staff was at headquarters and that room was currently under construction. I volunteered hosting, knowing Azmir had several conference rooms next door that would provide ample space. I cleared it with Azmir’s people weeks ago and in that moment I wished I hadn’t. I should have let Dan Smith cancel it until their conference room was complete!
After speaking in limited details about the food for that meeting, Sharon handed me a Vibe magazine edition and beamed, “It’s the latest issue and I’m sure you know that Mr. Jacobs is featured in it, but you can never have enough copies of your boyfriend in a nationally publicized magazine!” She was all teeth and gums.
“Thanks, Sharon,” was all I could manage. Of course, she wasn’t aware of our split. But then, I never told her he was my boyfriend either. I would decide on my clean up method at a later time.
I had no clue about Azmir being featured in Vibe. My curiosity was piqued, so I headed straight to my office and closed the door. The title was The Top Richest Black Eligible Bachelors and Azmir was number two on the countdown. His write up was only about a paragraph like the other mentions, but what stung me was that they listed his estimated value at over a half a billion dollars.