I shook my head at it all.
“If you want a lasting relationship with this man you must be transparent about your issues. He needs to know your strengths and your weaknesses. This will help guide his approach to you. It sounds as if Azmir is asking you to need him, to trust him enough to make him feel needed and well-placed in your life. Men need that. It’s in our genetic code, how God made us. You can not ask us to be anything other than what we were created to do. It is simply unnatural. Some of us are more persistent in needing our women to give us that. Azmir seems to be in that group. You have to find a way to give it to him.”
“But it’s too late.” My lips quivered as the tears wouldn’t halt. Pastor Edmondson smiled and said, “I hardly believe that. Just take some time to think about how you can improve on making Azmir feel trusted by you. You never know how things will take a turn in course.”
Pastor Edmondson asked if I’d prayed since the ordeal. I was dumbstruck because not at one time did I consider it. Crap! I thought I had gotten better in my walk. We sat in prayed for my peace of mind and heart during this learning period of my life. It was a calming experience. I’d just wish it had immediate effects. I knew that I was in for the long haul.
My ride home was reflective. The more I tried to consider Pastor Edmondson’s words, the more I recalled that Azmir had not tried to reach out to me since the night I left the marina. This didn’t help lift my self-preservation manner. I turned up the volume and allowed Blu Cantrell’s Blu Is A Mood to flow through my speakers; because although the blue she sang about was beautiful and positive, the mood that I’d taken on during this whole madness was melancholy-blue in spirit. I guess I could call this a “Blu Cantrell breakup.”
I pulled into my driveway with the same song blasting and as I got out of the car, I noticed the same car about two houses up that I’d been seeing for the past two days. What made the experience creepy were the tinted windows. Why? I made a mental note that I would call the cops if the car ever parked closer to my house.
Not thinking much further about it, I changed into my workout gear and took to my dance room where I tried out a few moves that came to mind while rocking to Blu Is A Mood. This was the only time I didn’t feel pain, when I moved freely and creatively to the jazzy tune. I must have been in there for two hours before assessing that I was tired enough to shower and fall right to sleep.
Who needs to eat? Let’s rush time by!
The following day was hell and tested my separation endurance. Thank goodness it was Friday and I could go into a weekend cocoon that minimized the likelihood of me running into Azmir. There was still no word from him and I held mix feelings about that. What was worse was Sharon handing me a package that was hand-delivered by someone on Azmir’s staff just before I’d gotten in.
Once retreated into the privacy of my office, I opened it to find my iPad. I got lightheaded for a brief moment. Why would he send this to me? I’d had a wardrobe fit for a troop in his closet, but he returns my iPad? I was so baffled. I didn’t even power it on, just placed it in a desk draw and shrugged it off in anger.