I was in my office, in the mix of my day when Sharon peeked her head in my door, informing of Azmir being here to visit me. I thought it was strange considering I wasn’t expecting him back in town for a few days. Did I worry him that much about not answering my phone?
I nodded, gesturing for her to let him in. Within seconds, Azmir’s tall frame rounded Sharon and gaited in his usual, sexy manner into the room. He was laced in a gray suit with a stalk white dress shirt sans the first few buttons attached, and black oxfords. His heavenly scent preceded his proximity as he neared the front of my desk. Sharon closed the door shut after dismissing herself, leaving the two of us alone. My heart raced and my mind spun. What was up with this impromptu visit?
Something was wrong. Azmir kept one hand in his pant pocket and the other at his mouth, gnawing at his index finger. This was something he did only with me when he was nervous about a pending topic, which was rare. My gut has proven reliable recently where he is concerned, so I braced myself. This didn’t look good. At all.
God, please!
Azmir cleared his throat, preparing me for what was to come. My body had tensed so much that my thighs ached in my stance.
“Rayna,” he shrieked, voice devoid of its usual baritone nature. “We need to talk. Some things have come into play that has changed the course of our…friendship.”
Friendship?
So I am just a friend to Azmir? My limbs gave out on me, and I found my body slamming into my chair, thankfully missing the floor. My chest heaved. My vision suddenly distorted. The weight of my being left me as I laid sprawled out on the chair.
Azmir cupped the back of his neck. Whatever he was about to deliver, it was difficult for him. And yet it was already killing me. I couldn’t speak to tell him to get on with it. The suspense chopped at my breathing.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’ve re-thought this thing and I don’t think it’s best for us to be together anymore. I thought I was prepared to share my life with you, or at least try it out…” Another pause.
And another death I’ve died.
After another tentative pause, Azmir continued. “I think it’s best we see other people. And if we’re going to do this, it’s also best for you to move out of the marina.”
My head jolted back and my neck, unable to hold it, snapped it forward. I knew it! I knew Dawn Taylor would break me. Her existence marked the death of my holdings in Azmir’s life. I no longer held his attention.
“Dawn Taylor,” I breathed, unable to find my diaphragm for much sound.
“Yes and no,” he murmured on an exhale. “I just don’t think you’re cut out for what I need. I thought you were, but you’ve made every indication that you aren’t capable of being what I need. I’m sorry, Rayna, but I think it’s best for us to end it here and now. I can’t wait on a change that may never come. A promise that is a probable impossibility.” Azmir spoke in all of his CEO mien as though it was a business that we were dismantling instead of my heart being slaughtered. My life being cut short.
“I-I…I…I-I…” I couldn’t speak.
I was panting from my stomach instead of my chest. My body suddenly felt empty. Hollow. If I’d ever thought my heart was unavailable, it was nothing compared to my essence being robbed, my soul being snatched right out of me. I could feel nothing, no pain, no chills, no cold-sweats. Nothing but air in my head being pushed out of my empty body.
Azmir barely looked at me. I knew this because with panic in my eyes from feeling that death was upon me, I cried through them for help. I was quickly losing the ability to breath. To live. This couldn’t be happening. I couldn’t be losing Azmir. He was my ray of sunshine. An endless source of strength. Loving arms to hold me up and push me into my journey of learning who I am, how to love myself. He was my next breath.