“Azmir, I’ve lost my footing here. You know I’m on a journey of repairing my deficiencies...and knowing my place in relationships is important to that process.” I get stumped at my words, but know that I must forge ahead as I give a deep sigh, “I guess I’ve been feeling a little insecure about our relationship.” I thought about what I’d just said and thought to clarify. “I mean, I’m not demanding anything by saying this, but more...definition would be appropriate, I think.” I'm feeling reduced because I can’t find my articulation. It doesn’t help that Azmir is looking at me and the waiter and the food as he eats as he listens. He still hasn’t responded. Is he leaving me hanging? How do I rebound from this?
“I got you,” is all he retorts and I’m furious. He wouldn’t have found that response from the Washington guy he was chewing out earlier acceptable. So why should I? Once again, I fight back the tears.
“Try the Mahi-Mahi,” Azmir says as he brings a forkful to my face. I clear the contents of my mouth and then rinse it down with Pinot before tasting his fish. It was mouthwatering.
“Succulent,” I mutter sardonically. He wasn’t getting it. I wasn’t getting through to him.
“That’s how I would describe you.”
I gasped. As much as it is flattering, if Azmir thinks he can placate my concerns by way of flirtation he’s got another thing coming!
“Yeah, about that...” 5-4-3-2-... I do my count and brace myself. “Sex with you doesn’t help my tumult state. It furthers my bewilderment.”
“So what are you saying, Rayna?”
“I don’t know...you know...” I look down at my plate, trying to unravel my feelings. Looking out at the water, I notice the sun has finally set and darkness is fully upon us. That’s what my mood had settled into—a dark place. “Maybe we should slow that part of our relationship down...just until we’re at a place where we both are comfortable and want to be.”
Azmir laughs and does so unapologetically. This goes on for nearly two full minutes. He eventually drops his fork and knife and sits up in his chair.
“Are you going to finish your food?” he asked calmly with a trace of a smile on his lips. Lips that I am finding very hard to ignore right now. I have to be strong I can’t think about food right now. He snaps his fingers to call on the waiter.
“I'm sorry the humor in that missed me,’” I hiss.
Ihu arrives.
Azmir’s eyes are glued to mine as his smirk quickly disintegrates into darkness and he leans into me to say, “You cannot and will not ever deny me of you. I can have him empty this table, close these curtains, and I’ll throw your ass on it and have you for dinner instead,” without a flinch. It’s similar to the look and time he gave Brian Thompson that night in San Diego. Once again, I’m face-to-face with the dark side of Azmir. His eyes are cold and I can feel my goose bumps rising.
“I’ll finish my food,” I squealed petulantly. I was at a loss, now even more so.
Azmir spoke to Ihu in almost a whisper. It was clear he didn’t want me to hear. I knew I’d pissed him off. I’d just hoped that he wasn’t going through with his threat. I don’t think I could’ve survived that. Azmir the CEO was present as ever. This man could sure switch it up lately. This time he’s doing it to me. How could I blame him with all the attitude I’d been giving him. Justified or not, he doesn’t know. And the bottom line is, I don’t know how to tell him.
Azmir goes back to eating his food in silence as do I. Something deep down inside told me I needed to calm down, that my worries were unfounded and self-inflicted.
Minutes later, once we’re done eating, Aata visits the table and asks Azmir, “Mr. Jacobs, would you and Ms. Brimm like to retreat to the open beach lounge for dessert or would you prefer it here?”
I had no room for dessert. I was stuffed and frankly preoccupied. Azmir gazed at me and slowly said, “Open beach, Aata.”
“Okay, great. This way please, sir, ma’am.”