“Since I’ve left Jersey for Duke, do you know how many times my father reached out to me?” she murmured. I didn’t have an answer for that. As her eyes finally reached mine, she let out another shaky breath. Rayna jerked her neck, another technique she used when edgy. I found myself holding my breath.
Finally, she continued, “Everyone believes zero because I’ve never shared that he called me during my first semester of grad school. I got excited.” A mirthless smile formed on her beautiful face. This was news to me. I thought the bastard fucking forgot all about her. “I thought I’d finally have my moment. Finally have closure on his reclusive neglect. I was wrong. He asked if I’d taken my mother’s wedding rings with me when I left for North Carolina.” Rayna snorted, “Can you believe that? He said the set belonged to his grandmother and he needed it to propose to his girlfriend. He said they were expecting a baby and asked about another heirloom; my christening necklace…something that was purchased for me when I was an infant. My dad said he figured I didn’t need it anymore and it would be generous and responsible of me to turn it over to my new baby sister.”
Fucking prick.
“I never told anyone.” Rayna softly shook her head. “How do you tell people that not only did your dad up and leave you, your mom, and siblings without looking back, but his one opportunity to speak to you after the pain he’d caused, he requested sentimental heirlooms from you to bequeath to his pending family? How do you rebound from being told that you were not good enough to love from someone who created you? If you’re not good enough for him, then who else would want you?”
She gave a rueful smile. I wanted to launch and console her, but I knew my touch recently hasn’t been as delicate as she needed in the moment.
“It was almost like being on a conveyer belt—the ones I used to see in Woolworth as kid—or a carousel, displaying product. Being picked to love then cherished, taken care of…made felt special. Then out of nowhere being determined useless, damaged…and having your owner go back to the conveyor to return you and pick again for your replacement.” Rayna shook her head, clearing from the image she’d just articulated. I stood, witnessing her forlorn gaze as she went silent again. I felt helpless. If only I could hold her. Soothe her.
Her eyes shot over to me and after a beat she murmured, “You kissed her. You picked me. I didn’t come knocking on your door. I was fine just getting by, flying beneath the radar. You selected me, took me off that carousel, wined and dined me…made me feel like nothing in this world mattered to you but me.” My heart tore as I saw Rayna’s eyes redden. She was trying to fight the tears. She didn’t want my pity, just my understanding. I fought to remain in my stance. “Then you saw my flaws. My damaged heart. When you saw a different prospect…fresh and glistening, you threw me away and selected her as your new.” My nose flared and chest expanded at the revelation of her analogy. “You kissed her. You chose new.”
My breath caught, like a blow to the fucking gut. That’s not what I’d been feeling at all. That’s not what was happening between Rayna and me. Not what happened between Dawn and me. If I could only get her to see that. I couldn’t find my voice to speak. She made me live her fears, her pain from the moment she learned I kissed Dawn.
“My father made have manufactured my body, but you mended my heart; manufactured a spirit in me that was new.” The first single tear dropped. Before I could garner the strength to raise my arm to console her several streams followed as she tightened her lips.
“You are no different,” she whispered through tears.
Fuck!