I throw Britni a warning glare. I must admit, I’ve been having a great time with them. Who knew! I don’t want to ruin it with any scandalous-like talk of Azmir.
“I know what it’s like being with a man of power,” April informs, wearing a Cheshire cat’s smile. “It makes you suck up his seeds and procreate, even when you’re not trying. Men with power are so hot!”
She and Britni squeal like schoolgirls. Despite myself, I smile hard, fighting my own sputter of laughter. Her statement makes me think of two things: my description of what intimacy is like with Azmir the night of the Mauve event, and the possibility of what’s in my belly.
The rest of our dinner goes surprisingly well, with me finally laughing mindlessly with April and Britni, something I never thought was possible.
~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning, I make my way into Dr. Barnes’ office. I find myself waiting again. I’ve been here for over five minutes and my patience is starting to wear already. I’ve taken more time off work to wait. This is unacceptable. My phone goes off and I answer. It’s Brenda, Amber’s partner.
“Hey, Brenda. Is everything okay?”
“Hi, Rayna,” she returns warmly. “Everything’s fine. I’m calling because Amber and I have run into a scheduling conflict for today and tomorrow. I know it’s short notice, but do you think you can swing by and pick up Erin from school? Amber will be home tonight at six to get her from you and tomorrow, I’ll be in at seven to receive her.”
“Oh, sure. I can swing that,” I agree to it feeling a bit of satisfaction that I’m needed in Erin’s world when Amber’s in a jam. All I want is to be viewed as a stable figure for her. “I’ll likely drop her off a little later than seven tomorrow. We’ll be out to dinner, celebrating Azmir’s mother’s birthday. I can have her in right after though.”
Brenda exhales into the phone. “Thank you so much, Rayna. This is such a relief for me. I appreciate it.”
“No, problem. It’s my pleasure, Brenda…really,” I assure her. “Just text me the address of the school and I’ll get her.”
We’re saying our goodbyes when Dr. Barnes walks in, clinking her designer heels. She waits for me to disconnect before speaking.
“Rayna, I’m so sorry for my practice’s lapse in organization over the past few weeks. It’s really been crazy here.” She offers a regretful smile as she scoots her stoop underneath her and sits.
“It’s okay,” I grumble because I’m lying. “As a practitioner, I know the rush.”
“Okay,” she flips her bone straight hair over her left shoulder, licks her freshly manicured middle finger and fingers the pages of my file. “I won’t keep you long. I just want to tell you that Patti did find your urine and processed your test—”
“And?” I sputter anxiously.
Her long and thick lashes flip up. “Okay,” she sighs as her shoulders sag. “I know this isn’t in your plans, but you are indeed pregnant, Rayna.”
I cup my mouth. The tears fall. My body trembles.
She gives me a moment before she clears her throat and forges ahead. “So, given the first day of your LMP, your missed pill days, and the days you were on the antibiotic, I have a delivery date of November 11th.”
I still don’t speak. I have no idea of what to say. I mean, I knew it was a strong possibility. I know my body has been off…but I always thought if I’d gotten pregnant unexpectedly, Azmir would learn of it before I was able to figure it out. What is he going to think of me?
“Rayna,” Dr. Barnes gently calls out to me. “I see you need some time to settle this in your mind. I’m not going to inundate you with information, but I’ll write you out a prescription for prenatal vitamins and will have Patti make you an appointment for at least one week from today for the first monitoring of the heartbeat…”
That’s all I heard before I mentally tapped out.
I go through my day in a fog. I see my afternoon patients with less vigor than I’m known for. I almost forget to eat. Almost. I’ve been starved a lot lately, I guess like April was last night. Before I know it, it’s time for me to head over to Erin’s school.
On the drive there I ride in silence only hearing the voice of my navigator, my self-loathing thoughts play the background music in my head. Pregnant. I have to show my I.D. and sign in to Erin’s school before being directed to her class. When I walk in, I’m met with toddlers running amok all through the colorful classroom. It’s the end of the day and I assume the two teachers in the room have depleted energy levels.
God, help me! I don’t know how I’ll handle just one of these little creatures.
“Hi!” one of the teachers greets. “Who are you here to pick up today?”
“Uhhh…Erin Smith.”
She turns and calls out, “Erin, it’s time to go home, honey!”