I agreed to being friends with Jenna last fall. It wasn’t that big of a deal to me. I’d never had fantasies of her in my bed when I met her. She was cool and low maintenance when we’d chill after discussing my case. She kept clinical with regards to her emotions and that suited me just fine. So, hanging out with her outside of the premise of work didn’t seem like a stretch. I soon learned that Jenna wanted to hang a lot, and I mean doing dinners, movies and other activities with a semblance of dating. I honestly didn’t mind because it still hadn’t felt like anything official, and in all honesty, I genuinely enjoyed her. That was until I met her mother and Jenna referred to me as her boyfriend. I didn’t correct her or make a big deal out of it because it still didn’t feel weighty, and soon I realized, with the assistance of Ezra, it was because there was no intimacy involved. I was okay with it.
More recently, Jenna told me she didn’t want to have sex because she needed to know she was more than just another conquest to me. She wanted to be sure trust was totally conquered before we ventured to that next step. I had a sneaking suspicion she was still celibate because she could see that I wasn’t overly attracted to her. If I were the man Jenna needed, by now I would’ve done things to prove her feminine allure, to validate her attractive qualities, but I hadn’t opted for that in her life. I just needed a break from Erika’s high profile ways. I needed privacy, low maintenance, and a bit of the intellectual stimulation that Zoey had locked me out of when she withdrew from my life.
Now she wants to fuck! Unbelievable!
I’d only had sex twice since Zoey and before Jenna presented me with the new label, and the names of those broads escaped me because the acts were meaningless. It was just something to do. Since then with Jenna there was no pressure for sex. There was no pressure to be famous. There was no pressure to have kids. There was no pressure for marriage. She was just great to talk to and fun to hang out with. She was older than me and settled in life. A private life. She was also an articulate woman. I knew sex would come. I’m a man; I’m not opposed to that, but it had honestly been nice to free my mind of those messy things sex brings about in women, who I knew I could offer no more than my ear and cock to. This was because my heart had still yearned for Zoey.
Now, I would be charged with keeping at bay the expectations of another woman I had sex with. Engaging in these relationships, only served one purpose: to keep me occupied while I waited for Zoey. I strategically decided on women I could easily handle. I knew I could never give my heart to a woman like Erika, she was shallow, self-centered, and too image-conscious. For her it was all about stunting. For Jenna it wasn’t about celebrity ego, though. With Jenna it was about something with more substance, like conversation and ideological pushback, but nothing deep that ran and flowed like the river of emotions I had for Zoey. Still.
Zoey began communicating with me again around the holidays, but she wasn’t ready. I’d hurt her too much. Jenna may have been ready, but I didn’t think I was. And that could have been due to being in Zoey’s presence here in Rio de Janeiro.
After letting Jordan nap for an hour or so, we headed out for a bite then back to the beach for kite sailing and more swimming. Before I took him back to his villa with his mom that evening, we had dinner and I made sure to pick up something for Zoey, not knowing if she’d slept the afternoon away.
I bathed Jordan and put him to bed. When I went toward Zoey’s door, I found it cracked. She was sprawled across it with her bikini still on. The back of her head was facing me, and I didn’t know if she was sleeping or not.
“Zo,” I called from the door frame. “JR is sleeping in his bed. I fed and bathed him.” She didn’t speak or move. “I brought you dinner. It’s on the bar in the kitchen.” I stood there waiting for confirmation. Nothing.
I turned toward the front of the house to leave. On my way there, I couldn’t shake how something felt so fucking off.
~~~~~~~~~~
~Zoey~
I woke abruptly to a heavy knock at the door. My head popped up from the pillow. I heard the banging again. I quickly grabbed my robe and headed to the front door. It was an anxious Jenna.
Tightening my robe around my frame, trying to hide my shakiness, I asked, “What are you doing here at this crazy hour?”
She plucked an eyebrow. “I’m looking for my boyfriend!” She tossed her head to the side, challenging me.
Was I missing something?
“And you’d start here?” I wrinkled my forehead, now annoyed. She could have disturbed my child.