I didn’t date anymore. When I had my run at that game, I timed out quickly, trying to navigate those who wanted my body, Stenton’s child’s mother, or Stenton the athlete himself. After I made the decision to leave whatever it was that we’d started last summer when we spent those four glorious days together, I shut down and focused on Jordan, work and school. I told myself that was all I needed. I could hold out on those things until Stenton came around to wanting me again. Secretly, I thought no matter how perverse the invitation of this trip—because I knew Jenna would be here—it was a hopeful step towards regaining a connection. Foolish me.
And no sex with Jenna? Should I have waited before plunging deep into a sexual relationship with Stenton? Did I move us too fast? Had I not seduced him that night and just let the vibe we’d created flow organically, perhaps we would’ve made it to seven months where he was with Jenna now. My love affair with Stenton had had a short shelf-life. These questions, thoughts and revelations carried me into slumber.
The next morning, we were down at the beach doing rough play. It was great to experience the contentment Jordan showed as I had often seen with his father. We’d been out there for hours, allowing the time to roll over us. When Stenton first arrived, I noticed he was alone. Once I’d caught some consciousness of the time, I became curious. Again.
“Hey, Stent,” I call over to him as he tossed Jordan in the warm water for the umpteenth time. “Where’s Jenna? It’s almost noon.”
He shrugged. “She was helping Maggie rest for the day as her doctor advised. Resting for Maggie means being waited on hand and foot by Jenna.”
“Oh.” That was strange. You come here just to nurse your mother? I shook my head. “But you came here with them…I-I just don’t understand. I’m so confused by this whole trip.”
I think I caught Stenton rolling his eyes. “Maggie has, apparently, wanted this surgery for a while…even saved for it. When she was ready to finally do it, she asked Jenna to tag along. Jenna jumped at the idea of being here and invited me. I declined. She begged and begged and I came up with an idea of how it would work for me to come.”
“But—”
“I wasn’t coming to Rio de Janeiro without you, Zo!” He’d rushed to his limit. After moments long, he continued. “I never forgot about my promise to you when Jordan was four months old. I knew you’d enjoy it and I figured out a way to come out here with my son. And that meant his mother, too.”
And there it was. That was what the underlying struggle was all about: the promise Stenton made to me during such an intimate act. Him making good on it played on my emotions, wrecked my brain. This was wholly inappropriate. I grabbed the back of my neck, now frustrated by the confusion.
“I just don’t under—”
“Damn it, Zo!” He growled and Jordan froze in place. “Jordan is my legacy, making you my family. What about that is so hard to understand?” He turned to the water to collect himself. His face was set in a glower. “I know things have been crazy for us over the years, but I did not want to be in Rio de Janeiro with Jenna and her mother. I wanted to be with my son and his mother. I don’t know what explanation can be clearer than that.”
I dropped it. I knew he was done with explaining himself and I didn’t want to exasperate him, or scare Jordan. We never fought in front of him. Stenton and I never fought. I watched for a while as they continued their horseplay, taking it all in.
“I need to use the bathroom,” I called over to them as Jordan was on his dad’s shoulders, trying to get him to collapse in the water. Such a futile practice, son. “I’ll be back.” Stenton gave me the thumbs up without breaking from their play.
When I returned, I stood at a distance, not wanting to disturb them. Instead, I pulled out my Nikon to capture Jordan wrapped around his father’s left leg as Stenton walked zombie style into the water. I then thought of how Jordan would need a nap. He’d missed it yesterday while I had him about the town, touring. It’s about that time.
“Hi, Zoey,” I heard from just behind me.
I turned to find Jenna smiling softly.
“Hey,” I greeted, caught off guard somehow, even though I’d been questioning her absence earlier.