“You’ve been cold since Jenna showed up on the beach yesterday. What happened, Zo?” I also caught the flare in his nostrils.
“How was your first time with her last night?”
I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t help myself. If Jenna was so open to share, why couldn’t I at least let Stenton know that I was aware of him having sex the night before while my son and I were arbitrarily here with him and his lover?
“Huhn?” Stenton’s head angled and forehead wrinkled.
“With Jenna…how was it?”
Stenton seemed lost for a few seconds before he caught on to the activity I was alluding to. “I didn’t have sex last night, Zoey.” He then pinched the bridge of his nose. “Oh, that’s what that shit was about last night,” his tone turned revelatory.
I didn’t know if he was referring to Jenna showing up with guns blazing, thinking she was about to bust us, or her finally having sex with him.
“Which part?”
“The eagerness to fuck all of a sudden,” he muttered while still pinching. Then he looked up at me. “Listen, Zo, I’m sorry you were exposed to this shit while out here. I’m sorry you were brought out here without full disclosure. One thing that I can tell you is Jenna is an attractive woman and all, but I won’t be fucking her with you and Jordan out here. That’s not why I invited you.”
“Then why did you?” My voice was clipped and elevated. “You don’t get it; I don’t understand you. I don’t get how you view me, or what exactly I am to you. You’ve always confused me about me…about us.” I exhaled. “Just like when we returned from Cayman and you said you weren’t breaking up with me and then you did just that! You don’t want me, but you keep me within arm’s reach. I never understand your decisions. I thought I was the only person who understood you, but I now see that isn’t true. You play with people’s heads. Mislead them. Look at this beautiful and intelligent woman you have here, wanting to give herself to you, but you invite me under false pretenses; the woman who, for some reason, holds on to the possibility of there being a future between us. But I get it now. There will never be. I am not good enough for you for some reason, and that’s okay.”
I saw Stenton’s jaw clench. “That is bullshit and couldn’t be further from the truth, Zo—”
“No, it is the truth and I get it now. And I will get over it. I have to stop doing this, Stenton. I have to move on!”
“What the fuck do you mean?” he nearly growled.
“What I mean is, I thought you needed to grow…you know, sow your oats. So, you got with Erika. I get that. But it’s been three years”—I gestured behind me in the villa to reference Jordan—“and you still haven’t gotten whatever it is that’s preventing you from noticing me and loving me, out of your system. Now, you have a classy woman with education, dignity and sex appeal and you’re still struggling with commitment.” Putting my fist to my mouth, I tried catching my breath.
“Jenna feels she’s missing something. She asked me about why we didn’t work and hell, what could I say? I’ve never felt suitable enough for you. I’ve never been that one for you.” I found myself looking out to the water while pausing. “But I have to get over it. I can’t secretly wait on you, hoping that one day we’ll be the family that I’ve craved to be since day one. What you said yesterday about us being your family isn’t true. You and I are Jordan’s family, but I’m not your family, Stenton. I need to work on getting a family. I need to move on.” I paused again. A part of me wondered what was taking Jordan so long; I didn’t want him hearing this.
“Every time I think I’m strong, you fly into my life and do things like this to weaken my resolve. I don’t know what to do! I have to move on!” I whispered forcefully.