"Okay." He takes a couple bites of his dinner and then, "Also, you need to get on birth control. I don't want to use condoms with you."
I pause, a bite halfway to my mouth. Alrighty. "I'm already on the pill. I have bad periods. It regulates it. I've been on it for years."
He stares at me silently for a second and then, "Okay, good. Now finish your dinner."
Totally bossy. But totally sweet. And totally hot. But...
"Um, Jake, if we're not going to use condoms, I should probably ask…"
"I'm clean. I've always used condoms and I get regular check ups. I can show you paperwork if you want."
I'm silent for a second, "No, I trust you."
After dinner, Jake drives me back to my apartment and we make out in his car for a few minutes but then he groans and pulls away, muttering, "Killing me," and comes around the car to open my door for me. I give him one last kiss, open my building door and practically skip inside.
CHAPTER 18
Evie is 13, Jake is 15
I heft my backpack up on my shoulder as I walk down the street towards Leo's foster home. I stayed late for a study group and so I'm not walking with Willow like I usually do.
Leo started high school several months ago and not having him at the same school anymore has been hard. He hasn't had to stand up for me for a while, kids started ignoring me after the Denny Powell incident, but just seeing him in the halls would brighten my day. Sometimes he would reach out and brush his hand against mine, pretending not to see me as we passed in the hall, or he would leave funny little notes in my locker. It made me smile. And I can use all the smiles I can get.
As I turn the corner to his house, I see a lone, familiar figure sitting on his porch stairs. I stop and stare at him for a minute, knowing he doesn't see me, apparently lost in thought, his elbows on his knees, his head bent foreword.
I head in his direction and as I walk towards him, his head comes up and he looks up at me, his face breaking out in a smile.
"Hi," I say, smiling, "What are you doing out here?"
"Just thinking," he says, looking more serious now. "It's so damned loud in there," he gestures backwards with his head.
I take a seat next to him, nodding. "Whatcha thinkin' about?"
"I was thinking about Seth, Evie." He pauses. "I was wondering where he is, how he's doing… wondering…," his voice breaks and I instinctively reach out for his hand, bringing it to my cheek, rubbing his knuckles against my skin.
His eyes dart to me and his lips part slightly. My eyes go to his mouth and I stare for a minute, wondering what it would be like to kiss him.
Oh my God! Did I just wonder what it would be like to kiss Leo? He's always been like a brother to me. But lately… I think about him in ways that I never have before. I find myself wanting him to hold my hand, to sit close to me when we watch television together at my house in the front room. I shiver when he accidentally brushes against me.
I love him, I already know that. I've loved Leo McKenna for so many years… but am I falling IN love with him?
When my eyes meet his, there is an intensity there that I've seen before but never knew what it meant. I know now. I probably have the same look in my eyes, too. A single thought pops into my head, "Kiss me!"
"Wanna walk?" he asks.
I let go of his hand and stand up, "Sure."
We walk together in silence for a couple minutes and then he takes my hand and looks shyly at me. I smile at him as warmth seems to spread from our joined hands, up my arm to spread through my chest. He smiles back and squeezes my hand tighter.
We turn into the park and walk to the swings. I sit down on one and he pulls it back and lets it go so that I giggle. He leans against the support pole a few feet away.
Leo grins, showing me that adorable gap and says, "I love to hear you laugh."
I tilt my head as my swing slows, "You do?"
He comes closer until he's holding both chains on my swing and I have to tilt my head to look up at him. "Yeah, Evie, I do. It's the only thing that makes me truly happy."
We both grow serious as he gazes down at me and I feel like my heart dips into my stomach. But then he moves back slightly and stuffs his hands into his pockets. I blink and swallow nervously.
"I was wondering… I know it's a girl ask boy thing. But, well, I wanted to know if you'd go to that Sadie Hawkins dance at my school with me." His cheeks flush slightly as he waits for my answer.
"I'd love to go to the dance with you, Leo. Only, I don't exactly have anything to wear. It's not like Jodi will buy me anything for something like that." I look down and my cheeks heat, too.
He nods, looking at me thoughtfully, probably realizing that he didn't think about the fact that we'd need dress up clothes. "Then we'll say we're going to the dance and instead we'll come here and dance under the stars. No dressing up required for that. Our foster parents will never even notice that we're not dressed right for a dance." He smiles a little sadly at me but I know he's right about that. But then he smiles bigger, "I just want to be with you. I want to hold you close."
"Where will we get music?" I ask quietly.
"I'll bring my hand held radio." He grins.
I can't help but to grin back. "We'll probably get arrested and spend the night in juvi."
"I'll risk it."
I tilt my head to the side. "Okay. It's a date." I smile hesitantly as he grins back at me.
He stares at me for a few seconds and then says very seriously, "Someday, I'm going to buy you a whole closetful of the most beautiful clothes money can buy."
I smile up at him. "I don't need fancy clothes, Leo. I just need you."
"You can have both," he says smiling back.
I stare at this boy, my Leo. How did things change so quickly? Did I fall for him so slowly that I didn't even notice while I was falling? As he grabs my hand and pulls me off the swing and we start walking back, my heart starts beating wildly in my chest. I think dazedly that falling, whether to the ground or in love, is always at least a little bit scary, even if you do it slowly.
CHAPTER 19