Killing Me Softly(A Broken Souls Series)

An eternity passes before he speaks again. I’m finished crying, just a random hiccup escapes my throat every now and then.

“Holland, look at me,” Tate wipes my hair out of my face. “I know we’re taking things slow and a lot has happened to you. I still want to take it slow, but I want you to live with me. Before you give me fifteen reasons why you can’t, let me give you some reasons why you can. I have plenty of room, you can have your own bedroom decorated however you want. If you want clothes all over the floor, that’s fine. I know this is fast, and if you don’t want to consider it as living together, you can just say you’re staying over.”

What did he just say? Live with him? My heart leaps to my throat and tears sting my eyes. “Tate, I don’t know.” He sits down on the bed next to me. Reaching for my face, he takes his thumb and wipes away a stray tear. I want to say yes, but what will happen if I do? My lungs are trying desperately to figure out how to breathe again as I actually mull the idea around in my head.

“Holland, there are so many things about you that I never thought I’d find in a girl in Oklahoma. Who would have thought I’d find someone who understands me and makes me feel at home? When I’m away from you, I can’t think about anything else but you. I want to give you the world, and protect you from the Boogie Man. The way you shiver when I give you little kisses on your nose, or the way you stretch when you first wake up. Those are the things I want to have in my life every single day. Just think, we could work on music and then crash to the floor and grope each other until one day we take it to that point. I’m already at the point, the one of no return. Holl, I almost lost you, and that thought is always at the forefront of my mind. You’re MY Andy, and it would devastate me to lose you. Holland…I’m hanging off the edge with every beat of my heart. I love you. I love you and every aspect of who you are. Please say you’ll move in with me.”

There I go, toppling over the edge he was hanging over, and I freefall into oblivion. He said the four letter word that my heart has been screaming every time I see him since I woke up in the hospital. My love for him was the only thing that kept me alive. Andy promised me that he felt the same way and it wasn’t time to go with her. Here he is in this crappy dorm room saying the words I’ve been dying to say to him. My jaw slacks open and I search for the way to say the words that are clinching my heart. Once I relinquish my heart to him, I’ll be rendered helpless.

“You’re right, Tate. This is really fast. Your house is something you bought for yourself, I don’t want to make you obligated to me.”

“Really fast? Holland, has anything gone normal in our relationship? Everything about us is unconventional. Our music, the way we keep saying we’re going slow, but I see it in your eyes, we’re full speed ahead. I don’t want to be without you. I want to do everything with you. One day, you’ll give yourself to me and we’ll make passionate love until we’re spent. My heart is yours for the taking. I love YOU and the way you’re blushing a deep crimson red.”

Why is it so hard to say back to him? I don’t want to lose him. “I love you…there I said it out loud.” Without warning, Tate jumps up and scoops me up and twirls me around. He’s squeezing me so tight that I think the pain in my rib will make me pass out. Instead, I laugh like a crazy girl as he kisses my neck and nibbles my ear.

“You said it out loud!” His mouth comes down hard on mine. The desperation of the kiss is almost too intense to take. “I was so afraid of losing you after the accident. I told you a thousand times in the hospital that I loved you and promised to say it to you once you were awake. Now tell me you’ll live with me. You can live in your own room or in my room, I’m good either way.” He pulls back and sucks in his upper lip, a habit he does when he drives.

“Yes, I’ll move in with you, but I’ll have my own room and cable.”

“Cable? I was planning on keeping you entertained,” Tate whispers and we flop down onto the bed. We cuddle under the huge down comforter until we can’t keep our eyes open any longer and sleep steals us away.

***

We moved into the house three days ago, which consisted of two coffee mugs, one coffee maker, two fold up lawn chairs, and my bins of clothes. We’ve made three trips to Markson Brothers Furniture Store and Lively Linens. The more I complain, the more money Tate spends. If I even glance at an object, he mistakes it for something I want. Not even Andy had the need to spend money like Daddy Warbucks, aka Tate.

Thankfully, the furniture store delivers the same day and they put everything together. The only thing on back order is some furniture for the dining area.

“The fire pit and my guitar are calling out our name,” Tate says as he walks past me to the kitchen.

I set down the owner’s manual to the front-load washing machine. I’ve been trying to figure out how to make it wash a load of clothes for the last twenty minutes. I don’t have stains, or bad odors, and nothing is delicate. They don’t have a button for a regular load of laundry. I growl and stomp off towards the kitchen. The contraption for my leg was removed a couple days ago. The wound is healing and doesn’t look so bad when the bandages are on it.

Tate is out at the fire pit adding some logs to the fire. The swimming pool hasn’t been completely installed yet. The pool is in, but the equipment hasn’t been set up. Carrie will be here in a week and Tate is hoping the whole house will be set up by then. She’s going to sleep in my room and I’m going to stay in the room with Tate.

I open the French door and shout out to him, “Do you need me to bring anything out?”

“No, just you.” Just me, is on my way. I notice a tray with graham crackers, marshmallows and chocolate bars sitting on the glass table. This guy is for keeps.

He reaches up for my hand, and tugs me down to his lap. “I’ve been working on a song, I want to teach you how to play it on the guitar.” He picks up his guitar and maneuvers us until the guitar is up against my abdomen. I put my fingers on the strings, and his hand clasps around my hand. We strum the guitar together and soon we’re singing the song he sang me in the hospital.

In her eyes I see the way she looks at me

Her heart is on the surface for me to take

She makes me be the best man I can be

What I’d give to see those eyes again, to know she’s awake

To let her know she’s the only one for me

The only one I’ll ever need

We’ll overcome the darkest of nights within loves embrace

Show me your love

Bring me your love

Fight your way back to me

Fight your way back to me

Fight for us

Please fight your way back to me…

“You realize, I’m alive because of you,” I lean back to him and say out loud. “I was in a fog a lot, but when I would hear you sing, I’d relax into your words.”

“Your vital signs would always improve when I was singing to you. I knew you were in there and would live. I’m so glad you did. On to bigger things, are you going to sleep with me in that giant king sized bed of mine? Hands off, I promise.” Tate’s crooked smile melts my giant NO away.

“Hands off? Too bad, I was going to let you have your way with me tonight. Looks like another cold shower for you!” I say and attempt to kiss him and jump up from his lap. He holds on so tight that the chair tumbles backwards, taking us with it. He pins me to my back.