I hear you. Even when I can’t be near enough for your voice to reach me, I still hear it. Your sound makes me smile, it makes me laugh, it enrages me at times, and it makes me weep at other times. The pain you can convey in nothing more than your tone can bring me to my knees. And the joy it can impart is enough to give me everlasting peace. It’s a signature, much like the taste of you, which defines your existence to me. And I hear it so loudly.
I feel you. In every part of me, I feel you. My heart beats, it flutters, it drums, it pounds in desperation for you every time I’m near you and even when I’m not. It sends electric waves of warmth through my body along with my blood, and the very physical way I feel your presence inside me as a result is incredible. I feel it just as I feel the softness and warmth of your skin under my fingers when I touch you. I feel it to the same intense degree I feel your wetness coating my lips when I lick your *. I feel it like I feel the tightness of you around my cock when I’m making love to you. I feel the presence of you coursing through my veins every day. You touch every part of me in a very physical way. And I feel it.
I see you. I see the very visual parts of you—your incredible smile that always makes me want to kiss you, your amazing wide eyes that wake my senses up, your small breasts that I’ve become addicted to, your slight curves that I can’t seem to stop touching, and that beautiful warm place between your legs which gives me immense pleasure and has all but banished the dark memories of what I did to you from so long ago. But there’s more of you to see than just that. I see the hidden parts too that only you and I know about. I see your pain, I see your nightmares, I see your strength. I also see your heart. It’s breaking right now, but it’s still the most incredible part of you, because it has the capacity to love me and that’s everything to me. Baby, I see you so clearly.
In summary, you’re an experience of the senses to me. I experience my love for you in something far more profound than a mere thought. It’s in everything I feel, see, hear, taste and smell every day. That, in a nutshell, is how a posteriori knowledge affects my life.
It is my life.
My Sweet Hell,
I’d really like to see you tonight. I will understand if you can’t, but please let me be close to you one more time.
Yours,
Kane.
“Professor Hess…”
I hummed. It was kind of a response, but my mind was just a bit too far away to fully engage with the speaker.
“Professor Hess…”
“Mm-hmm…” I finally glanced up, looking around the room in confusion for a moment.
“Are you okay?” It was Abby, the sweet girl from the restroom.
“What?” I asked, suddenly noticing there was a small stack of tests on my desk and a good third of the students were already gone. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Well, it’s just…” Abby pointed to her cheek. “You’re crying.”
I reached for my cheek, brushing the tears away. “Oh, no. No, no. I just… allergies.” I said, and I forced myself to smile.
She didn’t look sold, but she smiled back, finally setting her test on the desk. “Have a good night.”
“You too.”
I quickly flipped through the rest of Kane’s test. Completely blank. I sat there, gnawing on my thumbnail for the next thirty minutes, and when it was down to the last five students, my knee started bouncing too. Patience was becoming nearly impossible, and I packed up my things and stuffed tests haphazardly into my briefcase before the last two students were even done.
The very moment they walked up at the same time, I reached for their tests, snatching them from their hands as they both stared at me in shock.
“Tha… Thanks,” I spit out as I snapped my briefcase closed. I grabbed the apple off the desk, and then I ran from the room. I didn’t slow when I hit the hallway, and I passed other students by, none of whom were moving as quickly as me. The farther I ran, the faster my feet moved, and by the time I hit the exit door, I was sprinting. Students were staring, their eyes following me as I ran, and I didn’t stop until I was yanking my car door open.
I climbed in, panting and gasping for breath as I tried frantically to fit the key into the ignition, and as I pulled out, my tears started falling. “Goddammit,” I spit out through my tears. I lowered the front windows, letting the cold air rush through my car, and I inhaled and exhaled as deeply as I could, forcing my body to calm and my lungs to work.
Part IV: A Future Reborn
Chapter Forty-Two
Kane
I opened the door for her when she knocked, and she stood there, her eyes wide as she stared at me. She looked near panic, and I started to panic too. This wasn’t supposed to be panic inducing—not right now.
Her focus traveled down to my neck, and her eyes finally softened as a quiet laugh escaped her lips. She reached out and touched the knot of the tie I was wearing. It was dangling loosely from my neck over the T-shirt I still wore. She finally looked past me and into the dimly lit living room. It was still empty, of course, but I’d started a fire in the fireplace that cast a warm light across the room that flickered softly.