He nodded slowly. When he opened his mouth, he closed it again. He bit his lower lip nervously. “My lawyer said…” He inhaled a deep but shaky breath. “…a couple years best case scenario…” He struggled to swallow for a moment. “But it could be longer. Ten years … more…” He didn’t bother trying to finish that, and he studied me with the most terrified look on his face. “I can’t ask you to give up part of your life for me. And I… I don’t want to be responsible for you losing years of yourself—”
I reached up, touching his lips and stopping whatever words might have come next. “I don’t have a life without you.”
I stared at him, waiting to see some glimmer of understanding. When his expression remained blank, I sat up. His eyes drifted down to my breasts. It wasn’t overtly sexual though—even when he reached out and gently stroked the back of his finger over my nipple. I waited for his hand to drop and for his attention to return to my eyes.
My heart was racing when I spoke again. “Have you ever noticed how your existence can feel so normal and familiar that you just assume it’s who you are and it’s who you’re supposed to be…”
He studied me.
“But then … something comes back to you that you thought you’d lost, something that was always supposed to be yours, and…” I shrugged even as tears filled my eyes. “…things change. You suddenly can’t remember why or how life ever felt normal before, because such an integral part of who you are was missing.”
His lips pulled up slightly even as they tremored.
“And you know, beyond all doubt, that there is nothing more important in this world than hanging on to that thing you lost once upon a time. Because going back to what you once assumed was your life is simply no longer an option.”
He bit his lip. “I’ve taken ten years of your happiness already—”
“You’ve given it all back to me—”
“And I’m going to take more—”
“Only for a little while longer. Just of a little while, remember?”
He watched me for a moment, but then he nodded.
I did too, and as I did, I leaned to him, resting my forehead to his. “We deserve a future,” I said quietly. “We deserve to be happy.”
“Yes, we do,” he whispered.
We were silent for a while, and I laid back down against his chest and snuggled up to him as he wrapped his arms around me.
“My lawyer will be here at eight. He understands he’s not to pressure you into giving a statement about that night. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to. I don’t have to mention your presence—”
I shook my head, sitting up again. “I’ll give a statement.” Even saying those words sent a tremor of panic through me.
He reached up, brushing my hair from my forehead. “It’s going to be hard to talk about this.”
I nodded. “This isn’t a secret we ever should have kept.” I was silent for a moment. “I’m sorry. You tried to stop me from bathing. You knew I shouldn’t, and I…” I looked down at his chest.
He shook his head, clutching my cheeks in his hands and pulling my face back up to look at him. “No,” he said forcefully. “No. We were just kids. We didn’t know how to deal with this. Promise me you won’t blame yourself for that.”
I nodded. I wasn’t sure I could keep that promise.
“I’ve decided not to sell the house,” he finally continued. “I may need to at some point to pay for legal expenses, depending on how it goes, but now that my father has passed away, there’s no immediate financial necessity.”
He’d finally given me something to smile about. “I’m glad to hear that.”
He smiled. “I’m glad you’re glad. Because the second part of that statement is … that I’d like you to move in here.”
I just stared at him like an idiot as he waited for me to respond. The thought of being here without him was painful. He was a part of everything around me, and I couldn’t imagine walking through that front door every day and not being reminded of how much I was hurting for him, missing him.
“It’s a good place for our life to start.” He was still watching me expectantly. “I want you to make it ours.”
“Okay,” I finally said.
He pulled me back to his chest and held me in his arms. I closed my eyes again, listening to his heart beat and letting the steady rise and fall of his chest comfort me. I couldn’t imagine that this was going away. I couldn’t imagine that in only a few short hours this would be a memory—an unattainable memory.
But I couldn’t imagine not waiting for this man. I would wait for him.
“I’m so glad to finally meet you, Helene. I’m Ross Bernstein, Kane’s attorney. Kane has told me a lot about you.” The man held his hand out to me, and Kane touched my lower back.
I shook the man’s hand. “Good to meet you.”