“You’re just going away for a little while. Can’t you tell me that?”
I nodded. “Yes. Just a little while,” I whispered just as softly as her voice. I was still holding her cheeks, and I brushed more tears away as I watched her.
“Tell me you’ll come back to me after it’s over.”
I smiled, but it crinkled my eyes and a tear ran down my cheek. “I’ll come back. I’ll stay back.” I studied her for a moment. “You own this life, okay? I just need you to let it go for a little while. Then it’s yours again for however long you want it.”
“Forever?”
“Forever.”
She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. And then her hands moved again, gently gliding lower as her fingers toyed between the cheeks of my bottom.
“It’s okay. You can touch.”
Her fingers trembled as they moved lower, but then she was there, softly brushing over that part of me. I let my forehead drop to hers, and I closed my eyes as I released a deep breath against her lips.
I kept my forehead to Helene’s, letting her touch me. She was so exceptionally good at touching. It was always perfect, always gentle, always intentional and with purpose. She was the only person in the world I wanted to touch me inside and out, and I let her willingly now.
I didn’t open my eyes until Sade’s voice drifted off into silence. I kissed her, running my hands down her shoulders to her back and then farther to her bottom. I lifted her to straddle my hips, and I walked toward the bedroom. She clutched at my shoulders, and I could feel her breath on the side of my neck.
I laid her on the bed, putting her under me. She clung to my neck for a moment, holding me there, but the second she let go, I pushed up and kneeled between her legs, giving myself a moment to let the panic pass as I sank back to sit on my heels. I looked down at her, and she studied me patiently.
I laughed nervously even as my fingers fidgeted with the tie still hanging loosely around my neck. “God, I feel like such a kid with you,” I breathed out the words as I stared at her. “Figuring out how to fuck all over again.”
She sat up, resting her hands on my hips, but she didn’t pull me toward her. She kissed the center of my chest, placing one kiss after another on my sternum and then over to my nipple. It was gentle, sweet, the innocent type of kiss that could soothe as much as incite. When she kissed up higher to my throat, I bent down, resting my lips to the top of her shoulder. She let her lips brush and linger gently against my earlobe, and I closed my eyes tight as I listened to her breathe.
“I’m ready,” I finally said. “Lay back.”
I watched as she did, and she parted her legs even wider. My knees were wedged under her thighs, and I ran my palms over her raw and scraped kneecaps. She looked away for a moment, but when my hands grazed over the insides of her thighs from her knees toward her *, her attention returned to me.
She was glistening pink, and when the path of my hands brought my fingertips to her lips, I parted them farther, studying the way she looked. I could see where I’d been eleven years ago. I could see what I’d hurt. It was also exactly where I was going to be now, and it amazed the hell out of me that I had her permission, her desire even—that I’d somehow earned it. The arousal of seeing what I was going to invade—the very spot I would stretch open with my cock—mixed with the emotional aspect of what this meant for us, and it was so fucking intense. She always winced and whimpered when I penetrated her, but her legs were still parted wide, unafraid of whatever that pain felt like, and I knew she felt all of this just as powerfully as I did. How fucking incredible was that?
I leaned over her, and my body trembled pathetically like a leaf ready to crumble and break apart into a million pieces. God I wanted this, but there was something about seeing her hair splayed out messily around her on the bed, something about the firm surface behind her body, and something about the way her eyes watched mine that sent a chill up my spine even as my body begged to invade.
I nudged, using my hand to guide my cockhead to that spot I’d been staring at so intently moments before. I nudged harder, feeling the bulbous tip pop past her tight skin. And there was the wince. I stilled for just a second, and then I watched her lips part as I pushed in and she cried out quietly. The warmth and wetness were consuming me, and when I was fully seated within her, I let my head drop to her shoulder.