Just One Song

chapter Fourteen





We stop and pick up my favorite pad thai on our way home. I smile again at the memory of just a few weeks ago. Was it really only six weeks ago I met Zack? It feels like a lifetime. So much has changed since then.

“God it’s good to see you Nicole.” He swoops me up into a large hug as soon as we get back to my condo. It feels so good to have this lighthearted moment after the tense and emotional afternoon.

“It’s good to see you, too.” I pull him tighter and look straight into his eyes. “I love you.” It’s the first time I say it to him directly.

I mean every word.

Our kiss is tender when he leans down and presses his lips to mine. I want to treasure it and remember it with every fiber of my being. Neither of us pushes it any further. It’s a simple kiss, but speaks of promises, and forgiveness.

“I love you too,” he whispers into my ear when he pulls away.

We eat our dinner and he tells me about the rest of the tour. I know there’s more to talk about, but for now, it feels good; normal, to talk about regular life. Even though his life still isn’t normal. This is close enough. When I ask him about Ethan, his eyes flash in anger.

He shakes his head. “I didn’t want it to end that way. But he got bad, really quick this time. He spent a couple nights at a hospital there in detox and then I fired him.” He looks almost ashamed to admit he fired Ethan. I think he had to, even if it was hard. “I told him he could come back if he goes to rehab. He told me screw off – well, a bit more harshly than that.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shrugs like he’s okay with this even though I know he’s not. There was tension between the two; but Zack cares too much about the guys in his band to simply not care about Ethan. “I’ll probably have to find a new band member when we head back to the studio.”

He eyes me speculatively for a split second and then he goes back to eating. When we’re done eating and the kitchen is cleaned, we go to the living room with a glass of wine and snuggle up next to each other.

“I saw Natalie Linscum this morning, before you got here.” Had that really been today? It feels like so much has happened. He furrows his eyebrows and I realize he doesn’t know who I’m talking about.

“She’s the governor’s wife. I wanted to see her, to tell her that I forgive her and Sarah for everything.” I take a sip of my wine, slowly, in an effort to remain calm.

“Do you?” he asks with widened eyes.

I shrug and then wipe my hand across my forehead, before taking a deep breath. “I do. It’s hard, but I just don’t want to be afraid anymore. Or bitter and angry. Forgiving them is the only choice I have.”

He pulls me closer to him and rests his chin on my head. We sit silently for a few minutes when I decide to tell him more.

“Sarah wants to speak at some high schools about her story. She wants to tell other high school students so they’ll be smarter about the decisions they make.”

“That sounds really brave of her.” I let out a soft sigh at his gentle tone. He comforts me. How could I have ever thought to let this man go? “How do you feel about this?”

“At first, I was really angry. But then, I don’t know, something changed. If she can save one person from experiencing what both of our families have gone through, it’ll be worth it. I guess I’m okay with it. I have to let go of my fear of this. I don’t want it to define me.”

Zack’s hand rests slowly on the back of my head and pulls me down onto his shoulder.

“Thanksgiving is next week.” The change in conversation startles me a bit. “And then, the Saturday after is the Fan’s Choice Music Awards.” I know about this show. Chase asked Mia to go with him when she was in Philadelphia and I know she’s already bought a dress. I also know that Zack is presenting the award for Best New Artist of the Year, an award he won several years ago, and is nominated for Best Album of the Year.

“Will you come with me?” His voice shakes nervously. And I know why before he can even explain about the paparazzi. “My mom and Sammy are coming over Thanksgiving dinner. I want you there, and I want you at the show with me.”

I don’t even have to think about it. If I’m going to be with him, and truly move on, I need to get over my fears and what better way than to be thrown directly into the shark tank. I’m surprised at my own bravery and I say a quick prayer it doesn’t leave me anytime soon.

I have a feeling I’m going to need it.

“I’ll go.”

He flashes me that sexy grin. It’s the same confident smile the day I showed up at his bus, like he knew I would say yes just because he asked. “You sure?”

I simply nod. “I’ll go wherever you want me to, Zack. Am I going to be scared? Absolutely.” I lean in and give him a quick kiss. “When do you want to leave?”

He shrugs. “Whenever you want.”

“Tomorrow?” I smile. I can buy a dress in L.A. and call my parents anytime. I want to see his home and get there before I can worry too much about anything else.

Zack instantly takes his phone out of his back pocket and presses a few numbers. He’s smiling. It makes me smile. “What are you doing?”

He simply winks at me. “Calling the airlines before you change your mind.”

While he’s on the phone making travel arrangements, I clear our wine glasses and suddenly realize how late it is. It’s almost midnight and I’m exhausted from the long day. I need to go to sleep, but I don’t want to say good night to Zack. I want him with me.

He clasps his hands together with a large smile on the face when he finds me in the kitchen. “Flight is booked. We leave tomorrow afternoon. You sure you’re okay with this?”

I am. I absolutely am. I turn back to the sink and feel him come up behind me.

His arms wrap around my waist, pulling me against his back. I lean back and rest my head on his shoulder. “I’m okay with that.”

He leans down and rubs his nose again my temple. “Good. I can’t wait for you to meet my mom and Sammy. And see my house. I want to share it all with you.”

We stand there silently for a while, while I feel the beat of his heart against my back and know I don’t want to be alone; not with him so close right now.

“Take me to bed?” I ask softly when I turn around to face him.

I almost smile when I watch him swallow slowly. I take his hand and pull him into my room and offer him a toothbrush as we take turns using the bathroom, getting ready for bed.

When I come out of the bathroom, I’m dressed in a light purple pajama set; short boxer-style type shorts and a fitted camisole top; its cotton; nothing too sexy, but I see the flash of want flicker across Zack’s eyes. I inwardly smile knowing I affect him. I also smile, because his arms are above the covers so I know he’s not wearing his shirt; and I’m guessing underneath the covers he has nothing on except boxers. The image in my head is so overpowering, I feel….hot. My entire body and face flush with heat at the thought of soon, being so close to this perfectly sculpted man.

I remind myself quickly that I’ve seen him without a shirt on. I’ve even shared a bed with him before wearing similar outfits, but this time – he’s in my bed. In my room at my house and suddenly it seems much more real than it ever did on tour.

I also remember freezing like a fool the day he played his guitar without a shirt on and staring so hard I almost drooled. I force myself to walk, to move my feet and get into the bed so I don’t make the same mistake again. I’m thankful the only light on is by my bedside table because I’m standing in the dark where he can’t see me blush. A part of me wants him, for more than sleep.

Zack leans on his side, watching me climb into bed. I feel like a middle schooler full of nerves at their first co-ed party when I get in and lay directly on my back. I turn to face him shyly.

“Come here.” He practically growls it out with a low voice. I wonder if it’s taking as much self-control for him, as it is for me to not do what I suddenly feel like doing. He slowly, gently pulls me to him so my head is resting on his chest. Our bodies fit perfectly together. I feel his sculpted muscles all along the front of my body and swallow deeply.

He chuckles softly as one hand plays with my hair. I lift my head so I can see more clearly.

“What’s so funny?”

“I’m in your bed, Nicole.” I look at him, confused. “I just can’t believe I’m here. I was so worried on the plane here today that you would make me leave. But you told me you love me. I have never been happier.” He leans down and lightly kisses my forehead. “Go to sleep, love.”

“I love you.” I lay my head back against his chest, feeling it rise and fall with every breath.

I’m almost a sleep not two seconds later when I hear him whisper the words back to me. “I love you too.”

***

I wake up in my bed alone. I rub my eyes trying to figure out if everything that happened was just a dream. But I smile when I roll over when I see the faint impression on the pillow next to me and the covers are wrinkled where Zack slept. I slept with Zack. I am filled with so much happiness at the thought of being with Zack I want to get up and dance across my room. I want to call Mia and squeal until her ear drums want to burst.

I want to get out of bed and go find the man who’s missing.

That is definitely a priority. I grab my robe from my closet and wrap it around my waist when the faint smell of coffee hits me. Wonderful, I think and smile to myself. He’s made me coffee.

I’m not prepared for the sight in front of me when I see Zack this morning. I don’t know what’s different. When I hit the kitchen, his back is to me, his arms braced against the countertop. His favorite ball cap is on backwards and he’s wearing the same jeans and t-shirt he wore yesterday. Did he even bring luggage with him? I smile when I realize he didn’t. The thought of him being so desperate to see me that he hopped on a plane as soon as he could - just to see me – gives me all sorts of really unexplainable, but wonderful emotions.

I wrap my arms around him when I reach him and breathe him in. He smells like soap and sleep and, just him. I love it.

“Good morning,” I whisper as I press my cheek in between his shoulder blades.

“Good morning to you. How’d you sleep?” He smiles when he turns around and returns my embrace.

“Hmmm…perfect.” This way is even better. Now I get to press my cheek against his chest which is just how I fell asleep last night. “Better than I have in who knows how long.”

“Me too.” He playfully tugs a lock of my hair and smiles. “I made you coffee.”

“You’re the best.” I walk over to the coffee pot and pour myself a cup, black. It’s the only way I can drink it. I don’t need my coffee sweet, I just need the liquid fuel it gives me to wake up. There’s a feeling of peace in the air. A calmness that wasn’t here before, even with Zack. I want to breathe it in and enjoy it for as long as I can.

We’re changing.

Well, I’m changing. I didn’t realize how hard yesterday was for me, but now I understand how necessary it was. Forgiving the Linscum’s and spilling my guts to Mark and Zack has given me a sense of peace in my spirit that I haven’t had since the accident. I want to say it was long overdue, but considering Zack is standing in my kitchen, smiling at me like he wants to ravage me for breakfast, perhaps the timing is absolutely perfect.

“You need to pack,” he says, pulling me from my thoughts - mostly of breakfast…and him.

“How long should I pack for?” It occurs to me that I wasn’t in the room when he made the tickets last night. He’s invited me for Thanksgiving and the FCMA’s on Saturday. Will I only be there for a few days with him? I have nothing to rush home for since I still haven’t scheduled any new photography appointments.

“Forever?” He sounds teasingly hopeful.

My breath catches at the thought. Move to L.A. forever? He has to be joking. Surely he’s joking, right?

“When is my return flight scheduled?” He says nothing.

“Zack?” I ask him again. Surely he’s scheduled me to return at some point.

He shrugs unashamedly with a cocky grin on his face. “It’s a one-way ticket.”

I don’t know what to say to this, because I still can’t believe he would think moving to L.A. is the right thing to do right now. It’s too soon, obviously. We’ve just been back in the same state for less than twenty-four hours. I’m not sure what to do with this information. “I’ll just pack a bunch of stuff and we can figure it out when I get there. Okay?”

He makes a face. “Fine.”