I turned around. “Well, how convenient. He brings mystery and subterfuge into his personal life as well. Aren’t I lucky?”
Cecilia looked at me. “I know this isn’t easy, Elizabeth. It’s not easy for me to see two people I’m fond of hurting either. Can you try and remember that?”
Instantly, I felt terrible. I sat down and reached for her hand, my eyes once again filling with tears. “I’m sorry, Cecilia. I’m just so … overwhelmed and scared.”
She squeezed my hand. “I know.”
She smiled sympathetically at me. “Dr. Tate will be here any minute. He is going to do a quick exam and add a few things to your ‘records.’ Trevor had some things to take care of and then he’ll join us. When he gets here, we’ll go over everything one more time and then ...” she drew in a breath, “your husband will come and get you.”
“He’s been contacted?” I asked, my voice trembling.
She nodded. “He has. He thinks you are being brought here later today. Did you want to go shower before Dr. Tate comes? I brought you some things.” She leaned over and handed me a small bag.
I nodded and went into the bathroom, more for the quiet and chance to be alone than the desire for a shower. Again, I did as I was told and stripped and stood under the spray. My thoughts were a chaotic symphony in my head. The pain of leaving Joshua, the fear of meeting Brian, the uncertainty of my future. How did I face this man, my husband, after the past weeks with Joshua? Go back to a life with someone I couldn’t remember, when the person I loved was somewhere else, living a different life? Could I do that? Would I remember Brian and would Joshua become what he said he would? Just a quiet memory of someone I shared some time with?
I had studied the pictures of myself on Joshua’s computer and read snippets about me. From what I had read and seen, my life was very much one social event after another. Fancy dinners and charity events seem to be the mainstay. I was terrified of the kind of person I was before Joshua. I liked the one I was when I was with him. What was I like with Brian? Was I kind and loving? What was our relationship like? Was he what he portrayed in the news? How could I completely block out someone I was supposedly so in love with?
Wearily, I shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, not feeling any more refreshed. I dried off and changed into the new undergarments and pants Cecilia had thoughtfully provided, but slipped Joshua’s shirt and hoodie back on. They were all I had left of him and I wasn’t giving them up. I brushed my wet hair and squared my shoulders. I could hear voices in the next room and knew the doctor had arrived. I opened the door and went to find out what was next for me, dreading every single second.
I sat curled into the corner of the sofa, my stomach in knots and wave after wave of nausea hitting me. Brian would be here any minute. Dr. Tate had been very kind, insisting on me calling him Daniel. He checked me over and used some sort of portable x-ray machine on my head and ribs. He made additional notes on my “chart” and made copies which he had handed to Trevor when he arrived.
Currently, he, Trevor and Cecilia were sitting, quietly talking. I could feel them looking over at me every so often, but they let me remain silent for the most part. I had asked Trevor about Joshua as soon as he arrived and his sad smile told me more than his brief ‘it’s been a tough day all around’ did. He filled me in on the fact that he had contacted Brian’s lawyer and told him of my being discovered and between them had made these arrangements. He also told me Brian’s lawyer had insisted this be done quietly without any media, as per his client’s wishes. I was grateful for that fact since I didn’t know what my reaction would be when I saw him.
I shut my eyes as another wave of nausea raced through me. I wasn’t a good liar. Joshua teased me about that all the time. How was I supposed to look this man in the eye and pretend to be something I wasn’t? Feel something I didn’t? Pretend like the last few weeks never happened? Just the thought of being touched by a man other than Joshua made me cringe. How was I supposed to…
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a firm knock on the door. I stood up and fled to the bedroom. I wasn’t ready. Shaking and desperately trying to stop the tears that were flowing down my face, I sat on the edge of the bed rocking myself. “I need you, Joshua,” I whispered brokenly into my hands. I could hear the timbre of a deep voice talking quickly through the door. I listened but nothing stirred in recognition of the voice.
I started when a soft knock came on the door, but relaxed a little when I saw Cecilia slip in. She knelt in front of me. “He’s here and wants to see you. You need to come out now, okay? We’re all here, Elizabeth.”