“I don’t understand.”
“The care home is privately run by a good friend who is a doctor. Trevor contacted him and he agreed to do this for me … as a personal favor. And, in turn, the care home will get a much needed cash donation.”
“And that’s it? It’s over? Done? I don’t get a say?”
“And what would you say? You want to stay here? You don’t love your husband or miss your life? You don’t know that, so you can’t say it.”
“I know what I feel for you,” she whispered.
The pain was like a punch in the gut. “You’ll go back to your real life, Elizabeth, and I’ll just become a memory you can think of every so often.”
She stood up, anger rolling off her.
“Is that what you think, Joshua? That I’ll just carry on and everything will be fine? I’ll forget about you instead of him? That I’ll just pick up where I left off? You think my feelings for you aren’t real? That’s how shallow you think I am?”
I shook my head. “No … Rabbit. I know you feel something for me. I just don’t think it’s based on reality. You’re still confused and grateful. It will fade once you are back where you belong.”
“It will fade? Where I belong? Fuck you, Joshua,” she hissed.
I stared at her, my mouth agape. She so rarely swore or expressed anger.
She turned and walked away, slamming the bedroom door behind her. I sat down on the sofa in utter shock. I looked at Bear in astonishment, and then quickly averted my eyes as I saw his expression.
I was pretty sure if he could talk, he’d tell me to fuck off as well.
The sound of Rabbit crying out woke me from my restless sleep on the sofa. Immediately, I ran to the bedroom where she was sobbing in her sleep, twisting restlessly in the blankets. I sat beside her and gathered her in my arms, hushing her, waking her from her nightmare. Once fully awake, her arms tightened around my neck and her sobs started again.
“Don’t, Joshua. Don’t make me leave you. Please,” her shaking voice pleaded, tearing at my already aching heart. “I love you ... I love you …” her voice trailed off in a deep sob.
I couldn’t speak as my own tears finally rolled down my face, soaking into her hair. I kept rocking her, making soft noises until I felt her grow heavy against my chest, pulled back into sleep with exhaustion. I laid her back down but her arms remained locked around me. Sighing, I lay beside her and pulled the blankets up around us, wishing I could make the world go away as easily by hiding under the covers.
The first things I saw when I woke up in the light of the morning were Rabbit’s eyes gazing at me solemnly. The pain I saw in them reflected my own agony back at me. I raised my hand and stroked her cheek gently.
“You’re sending me back, aren’t you? No matter what I say?” she whispered.
I nodded. “It’s the right thing to do. I can’t keep you … no matter how much I want to. If the roles were reversed …” I shuddered, thinking how I would feel. “We have to do this.”
“Do you want to?”
“I love you, Rabbit,” I said simply.
Her eyes closed for a few minutes. When they opened, she looked at me with resignation. “I won’t fight you, Joshua. You’ve made your decision. Part of me knows you’re right. But I want something.”
“What?” I’d give her anything.
“I don’t know when I’m leaving. I don’t know if it’s in two hours or two days, and … I don’t want to know because it will be all I dwell on. But until I do, I’m Rabbit. Your Rabbit. Give me that. Please.”
My heart hurt so much I was sure it was about to explode. I stared at her precious face, trying to commit it to memory. I knew what she was asking and I would give it to her. I nodded slowly and pulled her to me. I captured her mouth with mine and kissed her deeply, my body already responding to her plea.
“Mine.”
The pain we were both feeling was sensed no matter how we tried to ignore it. Rabbit clung to me and I hated even being in a different room than she was. She encouraged every touch, every kiss, to become more and I gave her everything she wanted. I needed her as much as she needed me.