She approached me slowly and I pulled her back onto my lap. I could feel the tremors flowing through her body with the shock. Even though I was feeling the pain as well, I needed to comfort her.
“It’s okay, Rabbit. I’m still right here,” I said softly as I held her tightly.
I brought up the images of her again and we were both silent as I flipped through them slowly. I watched her again for reactions, but she remained impassive as she looked at the pictures. It was as if she was looking at images of a complete stranger.
I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. “Does this ... trigger anything for you …” I drew in a deep breath, “Elizabeth?”
She stood up. “Don’t! Don’t call me that!” she cried and turned around, fleeing down the stairs.
I looked after her, dumbfounded.
I had to follow her.
I knew that.
But what was I going to say?
How was I going to stop her heart from breaking when mine was breaking right along with it?
I walked into the bedroom and my heart immediately clenched. Rabbit was curled up on the floor, her head buried in the chair, sobbing. Bear stood beside her, his head cocked as he observed her pain. One great paw was on the chair beside her head and his stance was protective.
I patted his head and leaned down, scooping Rabbit up. I sat down and held her on my lap while she sobbed. Scrambled thoughts fell out of her mouth between sobs.
“I didn’t know… you told me … I can’t … what to do … I can’t … how to face him … how to explain … don’t want to … Joshua … can’t leave …”
I let her cry and ramble, rocking her, my own thoughts jumbled and chaotic. Slowly she calmed and became limp in my arms with exhaustion. I tilted her chin up with one finger and gazed at her. Her pain and conflict were clearly visible in her eyes. I drew in a painful breath.
“No, you didn’t know. Neither of us did. We knew it was a possibility though, Rabbit. And now you do know. You have a life waiting for you. Someone who appears to love you; who is looking for you,” I spoke slowly, trying to keep the tremor in my voice from coming through.
Her eyes widened. “What are you saying?”
“If you were mine, Rabbit, and you were taken from me, I wouldn’t stop until I found you. It would drive me mental if I couldn’t find you. Your husband has to be going through hell.”
Her voice was barely a whisper. “I thought I was yours.”
I had to close my eyes at the pain that hit me. I struggled to keep my voice even. “I only borrowed you, Rabbit. We both know you were never mine to keep.”
There was total silence in the room.
Rabbit pulled away and stood up.
“What happens now?” she whispered, choking back sobs.
I stood up. My arms ached to drag her to me and tell her we did nothing. That she could stay here with me and forget about what we had seen. But I knew that was impossible. She had a life waiting. Someone who cared. A chance for a family. For a real life.
Not a life spent stagnating on a piece of property with someone who could never take her anywhere. Who couldn’t give her a family or offer her a life outside these walls. Who, over time, she would grow to resent.
“I’ll figure it out,” I assured her, quietly.
She turned away.
My heart broke.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Joshua
I sat down in the chair, my head in my hands. My mind was full and I longed to be downstairs with Rabbit. I wanted to hold her and keep her close, but I knew I couldn’t. She wouldn’t even look at me when I left. Bear stayed with her.
My mind raced. Was he telling the truth? Who would make up such an elaborate lie? I watched the newsreel over and over again. If his story was fabricated, it could so easily be torn apart if Rabbit’s memory was intact. Why would he risk that? I stood up, pacing and thinking, my mind weary but my body tense and anxious and not able to settle. I found myself, wishing more than ever, that she could remember something. Something that would tell me what I needed to do.
Time passed and I was still in total chaos. I found myself back in front of my computer staring at the pictures of Rabbit. I couldn’t think of her as Elizabeth. The difference between the two women was vast. The one on the screen was a stranger to me who lived in a world I no longer belonged in. The one downstairs I knew and loved, but didn’t belong in my world.
My mind and my heart were at war. I knew what I should do, what I had to do, what was seemingly the right thing to do. My mind was very clear on that. My heart screamed at the injustice of the decision my mind was making.
It was getting dark when I finally picked up the phone and called Cecilia. She answered on the first ring. “I need your help. And Trevor’s,” I said without any preliminary greeting.
“He’s already here,” she informed me. “I thought you might need him. Do you want us to come to the house now?”
My stomach lurched. “Yes.”
I hung up.