She turns to me and smiles. It looks like there are tears in her eyes. "You were right," she says back to me. "They really are amazing."
We both watch them play, me enjoying their show again and Mia enjoying it for the very first time. It’s hard to know which one of us enjoys it the most, but at one point when Luke starts playing a cover of a song which he dedicates to Mia, smiling at her as we stand at the back of the room, Mia grips my arm as the crowd around us goes wild, and I somehow know exactly what she’s thinking.
When they come off stage, Mia launches herself at Luke telling him over and over again how fantastic they are now. I can’t help but smile as I watch them. She eventually lets him go, hugging the rest of the guys in turn and Luke comes over to me.
"Thank you Ash, you know, for hanging out with Mia, for looking after her tonight," he says.
I look up at him and smile. "It was no drama Luke honestly. Mia’s really, really nice." And she is. She’s just like him.
He clinks his beer bottle to mine and leans down to whisper, "Well in any case, I owe you one Asha."
A shiver runs through me as I think really, it’s probably me that owes him. A lot.
When he pulls back, I can’t stop myself from staring at him. He looks back at me in a way that’s similar to how he was looking at me when we watched his friend’s band play last weekend, and I get the sudden feeling he wants to say something to me. I wonder what it is, but before he gets a chance, he’s distracted by Ben who grabs his arm for something. I watch as Luke turns away, resisting the urge to reach out and stop him, ask him what he was going to say to me. And then, Mia is by my side and this time she leans over to speak quietly to me, like she doesn’t want the others to hear. "See, crazy about you."
I turn to her suddenly. "What are you talking about Mia?" I whisper fiercely.
"He can’t take his eyes off you Ash. You’re all he sees," she says. "He’s just waiting for you to see him," Mia continues, sliding her arm around my waist as though we’ve known each other for ages.
"How do you know all this stuff?" I ask her, frustrated.
She smiles at me, pulling me tighter against her and whispering, "Everyone can see it Ash, everyone but you."
I’m suddenly flooded with a thousand different sensations all at once; lightheaded, hot, dizzy, scared.
"He’s worth it you know," she continues, as if to reassure me. "Don’t be scared by him, by how he feels about you."
It feels like the room is slowly spinning now. I take a sip of my beer, relishing the cold liquid as it moves down my throat and sneak a glance at Luke. He’s still talking to Ben and isn’t looking at me. I wonder if he knows what Mia’s telling me, if he knows what she’s just told me. I wonder what he would think if he knew she had told me. I wonder what it was he was about to say to me before, whether he’ll try to tell me later. I’m still staring at him when he suddenly looks up. His dark blue eyes meet mine for the briefest of moments, but this time I see it.
This thing with Luke.
Mia’s right. He does feel something. I don’t know why I didn’t notice it earlier. I don’t know if I would’ve done something different if I had.
I don’t know what to think or feel about any of it, except scared. But strangely enough, it’s not him I’m scared of anymore, it’s me.
By many, eight is regarded as lucky, yet by some it classifies you as crazy
∞
Playlist:
1. Lay it down – The Rubens
2. Girls like you – The Naked & Famous
3. Bloodstream – Stateless
∞
I feel like I’m going crazy, really going crazy. I don’t know why I didn’t notice this was all happening. Why I didn’t realise what he was doing to me or even what I was starting to feel now too.
This time around it was so different, but still.
I should’ve recognised what it meant when it all started happening again.
∞
When I eventually told Sam about me, he suggested maybe I should talk to someone.
"Why, because you think I’m crazy?" I asked angrily.
"No Ash," he said, immediately trying to calm me down. "I just think after everything you’ve been through, losing your friends, your aunt and stuff, that maybe talking to someone about it, would be a good idea babe."
I turned away from him, embarrassed. "I thought I could talk to you," I answered quietly.
"Ash," he said gently, pulling me into a hug. "You can always talk to me babe. But I’m scared I don’t know the right things to say. Scared maybe you need to talk to someone who understands all these things, tell you it’s ok to feel all this." His hands brushed my hair back as he kissed me. "I’m afraid I could make it worse."
I smiled at him. "You don’t make it worse Sam, I promise. You’re the only person I’ve ever felt I could tell this to. You’re the only person I’ve ever told and to be honest, I can’t believe you’re still here, especially after hearing it all."
Sam tightened his arms then, pulling my head onto his shoulder. "Ash, I’ll always be here babe, always."