"Well I had no idea where you were Ash," he slurred back at me. "No idea what had happened to you!"
"Doesn’t look as though you cared too much," I yelled back at him. I was probably being childish, but I’d left the party over two hours ago and he hadn’t tried to stop me or even rung to find out if I was ok. I wondered if he even noticed I was gone until he went to leave.
"What the hell was wrong with you tonight?" he slurred again.
"Sam, I had a shit time ok. I didn’t know anyone and you barely talked to me all night. I just wanted to come home."
Sam threw his hands up in the air. I knew what was coming next, it was always the same thing. "Ash come on, you gotta try babe, try and talk to people ok, make some friends."
This is what always happened every time we started this argument, although we weren’t usually drunk and in the middle of the night. Sam always wanting me to try and meet people, try and make friends with them. Me unable to do it, unable to do the small talk part or let people in. It’s a miracle Sam was still around really.
"You know I can’t Sam," I said to him. "You of all people should know that."
Frustrated, Sam shook his head, crawling into bed and pulling me into his arms. He said nothing more to me, just crashed still fully clothed, not even taking his shoes off. But at least his arms were wrapped around me and I knew that meant the fight was over.
The next morning I woke up and I was hungover, more than I thought I’d be. Sam was still passed out so I dragged myself up and got dressed, heading out to get some fresh air and grab a coffee to chase away the headache I’d fallen asleep with.
Ironically when I came home hours later to wake Sam up and talk about what’d happened last night, I found him already awake and our fight seemed like the last thing on his mind.
When he told me that my Dad had died, our fight became the last thing on my mind too.
∞
Ever since Luke’s party I haven’t spoken to Liam at all. He hasn’t spoken to me and I’ve noticed that Luke doesn’t talk to him anymore either. After what happened I can kind of understand and although a part of me is secretly glad about them not speaking, I also feel that none of this ever would have happened if it wasn’t for me.
But Liam’s words, the things he said, they are still there, ringing in my ears. I don’t know how much Luke heard, maybe all of it and I don’t want to think about that either. I don’t want to think about Luke’s reaction to his words. That I was fucked up, carrying a bunch of shit around. I didn’t want to think about how true that all was.
But for whatever reason, tonight, just before we close is when Liam decides we’re going to talk again. Tonight, he decides to follow me into the cold room and supposedly apologise.
"Ash?"
I stiffen in response to his voice and suddenly become acutely aware of the fact that we are trapped together in this tiny room, the one place I used to go to escape the rest of the shop. I don’t say anything.
"Ash, come on, you gonna ignore me forever?" he asks, a slight hint of anger in his voice.
I take a deep breath, turn and face him. "Yeah Liam, I think I will," I say, my voice firm, despite the nervous energy running through me. "I really don’t want to talk to you and I really don’t want you to talk to me."
"Ash, come on, isn’t that a bit over the top? You know I was just drunk the other night," he sneers, incredulous that I could dismiss him this easily. "It’s not like I meant to scare you or anything."
I walk purposefully towards the door, unsure if Liam’s going to let me pass. He doesn’t move, but he doesn’t stop me as I storm out into the kitchen.
"Ash, come on, don’t be such a bitch," he continues, following me out of the cold room.
I turn and face him. My nerves have turned to anger now as I say, "Actually Liam, I think you’re the one being a bitch. And a fucking asshole too and I don’t ever want to speak to you again." My blood is boiling right now and I’m glad it’s late and we’re out in the kitchen, because I know Robert would be pissed if he saw us doing this in front of the customers.
Liam and I are squared off against each other and this time I’m not showing my fear to him. I stand my ground when he takes a step towards me, refusing to back down. I meet his angry stare as I say again, "Stay away from me Liam, I mean it." I barely recognise my own voice now, but before Liam has a chance to respond, I hear another voice. A voice I stupidly hadn’t even considered would be here to witness this.
"Get away from her Liam," Luke says with a voice that sounds like steel.
I turn to look at Luke and see the anger radiating from him, his face set like stone, his dark eyes glaring at Liam. His whole body is tensed and I notice his hands are clenched into fists by his side, like he’s trying to hold himself back, trying to stop himself from lashing out.
Liam doesn’t move, he’s still staring at me.