“‘Suit yourself.’ The Commander smiled and searched for my eyes. ‘Begin. And don’t stop till you’re told.’
“Instantly, my body froze. I don’t know what came over me, but I turned to the Commander and said, ‘I’m done, sir. He’s made it quite clear he’s not going to say anything.’ He wasn’t going to suffer by my hands any longer. All I knew was this was wrong. And I was done following through with this torture. The Commander said, ‘Soldier, you’re dismissed. I’ll deal with you later.’
“I was taken back to my barracks and waited for my own punishment, but before I left, your father caught my gaze. His eyes, like yours, pierced my soul. He nodded at me, and even in his pain, he thanked me.” Tears stream down Cole’s face, and he crumples to his knees.
“He said to me, ‘There’s still hope for you yet.’ After I closed the door, I heard his screams echoing down the hallway.” Cole completely breaks down, his hands covering his face as he gasps for air, sobs wracking his shoulders. “I can’t take it back, and I want so bad to erase the memory, to erase what your father had to endure. But, Lexi, I can’t, and it’s killing me.” He looks up at me with bloodshot eyes and tries to grab my hand.
I hold up my hand to stop him. “Don’t touch me. Don’t come near me.”
“I’m so sorry.” He chokes on his words. “I would do anything to go back and change what happened. I don’t want … your father’s blood on my hands.”
My cheeks are wet with tears, and I have to hold my fists at my sides to keep from attacking him. “How … Why didn’t you tell me before? Didn’t you think I had a right to know that you knew my father? That you tortured him? And to think, all the times I said to you that I wished you could’ve met him. And you already had. And yet, you still said nothing.”
He lips part as he tries to catch his breath, and he closes his eyes. “I was trying to protect you.”
“By lying to me?”
“By avoiding causing you pain.”
“What the hell do you think you just did!”
“Lexi … ”
“You took my father away from us—from me.”
“And if it wasn’t me, it would’ve been someone else. Either way, it was going to happen. Your father knew it. That’s why he didn’t fight me.”
“How dare you! If he had any idea he was going to be arrested, he would’ve taken us and ran. He would have protected us. Protected me.”
“No, he wouldn’t have run.”
“Oh. And you knew him better than me, huh? You think a couple of hours torturing an innocent man means you know it all.”
“Your father was a smart man. He was well aware that if he didn’t come willingly, we would’ve been ordered to kill his family. He was protecting you.”
Of course he was. My father always put his family first; I know that. But that doesn’t ease the burning anger building in my chest.
“I trusted you,” I say, as I step away from Cole.
“I warned you I wasn’t worthy of that honor,” he says. He slumps against the wall, looking small and weak and broken.
“I can’t believe I allowed myself to be so duped into thinking you were better than any other guard. You’re no different than Wilson!”
“Please. Don’t do this.” His voice sounds defeated. I feel nothing but rage.
“Right now, you are the last person I want to be around.”
“But …” His voice cracks.
“Hey, guys, everything okay?” Bill asks, his voice slicing into the tense air between us.
“No, we’re in the middle of something,” Cole says.
I clench my fists. “Actually, we’re quite done,” I say in a shaky voice. With tears spilling down my face, I try to hide in the shadows. But judging from Bill’s raised eyebrows, he already knows something’s not right.
“I came for Lusty, but if you’re busy—”
“I’m not.”
“Lexi,” Cole begs.
“What’s going on?” I ask Bill.
“Amber’s in a lot of pain, and I don’t know what to do for her,” Bill says.
“Okay, let’s go,” I say.
“I’ll meet you there,” Bill says. He practically runs away from me.
“I know it’s selfish to ask, but please forgive me,” Cole says.
I wipe tears away with my fists as I turn to Cole. “Forgive you for lying to me about my father? And what you did to him? He was everything to me, and the man I love was the man who took him away. I need time. I need time to process this, and I’m asking you to give me space.”
He nods, the shadows dancing on the dark pits below his eyes. “All right. If that’s what you need,” he says, his voice weak. His Adam’s apple bobs, and he rests his head in his hands.
I can’t feel pity for him. I won’t. “It is.”