“Lusty, please go get some sleep. I’ll watch her,” Bill says.
“For once, I agree with Bill,” Cole says. “It’s been over twenty-four hours since you’ve slept. You’re coming back with me.”
I answer without opening my eyes. “All right. Thank you, Bill.”
“Sure thing.”
“Roméo, what happens after the hallucinations?”
“Go rest. You’re going to need it to deal with the next phase.”
I nod my head and take a deep breath. Cole scoops me into his arms, and my head collapses on his shoulder. I’m spent in every possible way.
When I open my eyes, the warmth of Cole’s body surrounds me, enveloping me in safety. A dim light from the hallway shoots a sliver of light into the training room, barely illuminating our area. Around us, everyone sleeps with blankets piled over them. Zeus snores, and his nails tick against the floor as he dreams. Cole’s hand grasps mine for a minute, and I place my hand over his, tracing the veins that spider over his fingers. Spinning my body around, I face him. When his eyes meet mine, they look pained.
“Hey,” he says in a whisper.
“Hey.”
He runs his hand over my face and breathes softly.
“So are you ready?” I ask. His forehead pinches together, causing me to feel dread. He isn’t ready.
“Ready for what?” he asks.
I sigh.
He knows exactly what I’m talking about, and he’s trying to think of a way to get out of it again.
“I don’t want to talk,” he says. His voice lowers with his eyes. “Right now.”
“You don’t have a choice.”
“Fine … but we should take this elsewhere.” He flips the blanket off us, the chilly air hitting my body with a shock.
“The hallway?”
“Wherever. It doesn’t matter.”
We tiptoe through the room and into the hallway, and he stands with his body barely touching the wall, his hand running over his head, sweat coursing down his face.
“Telling you this is by far the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do,” he says. He slowly turns my way, and his eyes drop to the floor.
“Why?” I ask, my voice starting to rise. I don’t know if I am ready to hear this. “What are you so afraid of?”
“Losing you.”
“Cole, you’re not going to lose me.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“How can you say that?” Adrenaline starts to flow, and suddenly my breathing is uneven.
“Because once you know, you’ll never be able to look at me the same.” He takes a shaky breath. “All I’ve ever wanted to do was protect you.”
“Just say it, please.”
“Only … if you promise to stay and discuss this with me when I’m done.” He looks up.
“I will.”
“No. Promise me.”
“All right. I promise.”
A heavy silence weighs on us. We don’t speak for minutes.
“Do you remember when I told you about the guards?” he finally says. “And following orders? If you don’t follow, they’ll kill you.”
“Yeah, I remember,” I whisper. I don’t want to hear this. I don’t want to hear this.
He takes a minute and stares at the ceiling before he says, “I was young when I joined the guards.”
His expression is pain and anger and fear and desperation. I hate seeing him like this. I place a hand on his arm.
“It’s okay, Cole. Just tell me. Please.” I want to cry. I now know that what Cole has been keeping from me is so bad, he is about to collapse from the weight of carrying it this long.
He pulls his arm from me.
“My first assignment was to arrest a man the Commander wanted in custody. When I found him, he didn’t fight me, and actually, he didn’t say a word. He turned around, and I handcuffed him. I remember looking at him with amazement. His expression was blank; he showed no fear, no anger, nothing. I tried to imagine what this man could’ve done, what the Commander could want him for, what sin he could possibly have committed. It was something bigger.” He covers his face with his hands for a second then leans against the wall. “When we arrived at the Commander’s headquarters, the Commander stood at the door waiting for us.”
“Asshole,” I say.
“Please, Lexi, if you interrupt me, I won’t be able to finish.”
“Sorry. But he is.”
“I know that,” he says. “We took him straight to the interrogation room where I handcuffed him to the metal bar on top of the table. The room was dark except for one light above the table, giving me just enough light to see him and the Commander, who sat across from him, laughing. The interrogation went on for hours.
“Finally, the man said, ‘Are you done?’ His voice wasn’t angry, but calm and direct, something I didn’t expect.