I don’t have an ounce of energy left in me. I haven’t moved from the floor in the bathroom in what feels like hours, struggling between composing myself and breaking down into tears. I push Cole away, and he sits helpless to stop the growing tension that fills the empty spaces between us.
Bruno and Grace come in and sit down on the floor. Cole fills them in on Alyssa and Amber. I cover my ears because I don’t want to listen. I’m still battling the reality of the truth about Cole and the cause of Alyssa’s death. Then I hear her voice in my head.
“It’s okay, Lexi. I’m safe now. You can do this; use your love for me to get up and do what must be done. You have the strength of your father, Keegan, and myself. We’re with you. Someone needs you right now. Help her come to us.”
I blink several times then rub the back of my neck. Grace’s voice echoes around me.
“Poor Amber,” she says. “She’s clawing at herself and scratching her skin off. She won’t stop screaming. I can’t stomach it anymore. Wish there was something we could do for her.”
Straightening up, I stand on wobbly legs and clear my throat.
“There is,” I say. “She asked me to end it for her. She begged me, but I refused.”
Cole’s pained eyes raise to meet mine. “Lexi. I’m not sure now’s the best time for you to make that kind of decision.”
“She doesn’t deserve this,” I say. He flinches. “And if I was in her position, I’d hope you’d do the same for me.”
“Lexi, why don’t you let me do it?” Bruno asks, hopping to his feet.
“No.” I tighten my fists at my sides, forcing myself to stay composed. “I’ll do it. She asked me, and now I am going to give her what she asked for.”
“Wait, you’re going to kill her?” Grace asks.
“No, Grace. It’s the virus that’s killing her, and I’m going to stop it.”
“Lexi, it’s murder.”
“It’s not, Grace. It’s assisted suicide. And, Grace, she wants this … not me. But what I do want for her is peace. She deserves that at least.” I can’t even believe the words that come out of my mouth. I feel like I’m constantly riding the space between being a savior and being a demon. And now I know the delicate balance my father walked. That Sutton still walks.
Grace stands, takes my hand in hers, and leads me forward. “Come on, let’s help Amber.”
She doesn’t let go of my hand as I drag my legs to the doorway. Cole and Bruno follow.
When we arrive, Amber’s eyes catch mine, and she smiles gratefully. I run my hands through my hair, hesitating, wondering if I can go through with it.
Cole removes the sheet on the bed and scoops Amber up into it. He carries her into the bathroom.
Bruno grabs a chair and drags it into one of the shower stalls, carefully making sure it’s level before nodding and stepping back.
I can’t believe I’m going to do this.
“Thank you, Lexi,” Amber says through her quivering lips. “I knew you’d understand.”
Cole places Amber gently down on the chair. “Goodbye, Amber,” he says.
She smiles at him. “Take care of Lexi.”
He nods. “You know I will.”
“Amber, I’m so sorry this happened to you,” I say once he moves.
“I know you are. But don’t you dare feel guilty. This, this is my decision, not yours. And I apologize for how I’ve treated you.”
“It’s okay, I forgive you.”
“All right, good. Let’s do this. I’m ready to go home.”
“Do you believe in heaven?”
“Because of you, yes, I do.”
“Well, then please tell God I’m sorry.” I don’t want to cry, so I clench my jaw. Shooting someone like this feels completely against my nature, even if it is merciful in the long run.
Bruno, Grace, and Zeus say their goodbyes. Suddenly my heart’s in my throat, and I bite down on my lower lip as I approach her. She looks tiny compared to the chair she sits on, the stall swallowing her body whole in its white mildewed prison. Yet, Amber looks at peace. She takes a deep breath.
“Are you scared?” I ask.
“No, I’m ready to leave this hell.” Even as she says it, she scratches at her arms, picking open more wounds, and drawing more fresh blood. It trickles down and drips onto the floor.
“I understand.” I breathe deep. “Close your eyes.”
I look up at the cement ceiling, say a silent prayer, and reach for my gun. I focus on Amber and steady my hands, locking my feet in place. I ignore how her fingers shake as she awaits her execution.
I aim right between her eyes and pull the trigger.
It’s done. At some point, Cole pulls the gun out of my hand. Everything looks blurry. Hands, I don’t know whose, pull me away from the spatters of blood and brain matter that used to be Amber. The sound of voices is drowned out by ringing in my ears from the blast of the gun. I glance down at my shaking fingers and twist them together. But I can’t make them stop. I cover my ears, as if blocking out the noise.