chapter Four
Gavin couldn’t remember a time with Allie where he’d felt completely satisfied. That wasn’t to say the sex wasn’t amazing and fulfilling and exhausting. It was all of that and more. But it was a general feeling of always wanting more. Even if he’d just had her—and had her well—he could still want her.
How he’d managed a year without her, he wasn’t sure. It was like a part of him had just been numb. But now that she was here, now that he was touching her, now that he was tasting her, anything that had been numb was most definitely awake, fully functional and ready to go.
“Allie,” he groaned as she pulled her mouth away to run her lips down his neck, then licked at the base of his throat.
“Please, Gavin, I need you. I need this.”
He couldn’t say no to her. Never had been able to and had given up trying a long time ago.
“Anything, Allie,” he promised.
She took him at his word and started to pull his shirt up over his head. He tossed it away, groaning again as she ran her hands over his chest and shoulders.
“I’ve missed you,” she whispered, watching her hands touch him.
Missing her didn’t even begin to cover it.
There were times when constant daylight was a pain in the ass. But there were times when lots of brilliant light was just what he needed. Like now. He hit the button to raise the blackout shades. Sunlight poured in and over them through the huge windows.
He tugged her shirt up and off as well, drinking in the sight of her breasts cupped in green satin and lace. Her skin was pale, much more so than he remembered, and with her weight loss her breasts were smaller. But his mouth still watered at the sight. He reached to unhook the bra and pulled it off as well.
Her nipples puckered in the air and under his gaze, and he drew the pad of his thumb over one, loving her quick intake of air. They’d been together enough that he knew exactly how to make her hot and ready, and he plucked at one nipple while dipping his knees so he could take the other in his mouth. Sucking, he felt Allie tangle her hand in his hair and grip him tight, holding him there as she arched her hips against him.
Needing to see and touch more, Gavin cupped her ass, lifted her and started for the bed. Her breasts pressing against his chest made him want to throw her down, push her pants just far enough out of the way and thrust home. Who needed foreplay? In fact, he’d done exactly that to her more than once.
But he hesitated. Even as his body strained for hers and he wanted to bury himself deep, he held back. She was…different. Her mom’s death had hurt her and he hadn’t been with her through or after that. He didn’t know anything really except that she seemed more delicate. Not just in appearance, though her thinness was certainly part of it. Allie had always been thin, but she was toned. She worked out, ate well. Her hair and skin were gorgeous, her eyes bright, and she was full of energy and smiles. This Allie seemed so sad. He knew she was, of course, and he knew she’d been sick. But the dark circles and pale skin were only part of it. The sadness and frailty—no matter what she said—went deeper. She wasn’t as bright and energetic and…happy.
Of course, she’d been asleep most of the time they’d been together so far.
It was more of a gut feeling he had. That things weren’t quite right, that she wasn’t the same girl he’d known and loved.
He laid her gently on the bed, his gaze moving over her face and breasts and shoulders and stomach. It was all so familiar. How could he feel like he didn’t know her?
He knew her. Better than any man. He knew how to please her, how to touch and kiss her, how she liked to be loved.
Dammit, he could prove it.
He unzipped his jeans, loving how she propped up on her elbows to watch. Allie loved his body and he loved giving her free rein over it. He pushed the denim to the floor, not quite ready to get rid of his underwear. He needed a barrier there for some control because he was about to get her completely naked.
Allie dutifully lifted her hips as he reached for the button and zipper of her pants and pulled them down her legs and off. Her panties were also white, and he traced his finger up and down the front of them, not rushing to strip them off like he wanted to.
“Right there,” she breathed as his finger slid over her *.
He did it again, then pulled the white silk to one side. Running his finger over her without the silk in between made them both groan.
Allie moved her knees apart. “Gavin,” she said breathlessly. “More.”
“I love making you sound like that,” he said, watching as he moved his finger again, stroking over that sweet spot.
She arched toward him. “You love making me sound even better than that too.”
He grinned. “Yes, I do. And I’m damn good at it.”
She laughed, then gasped as he leaned in and kissed her inner thigh. “You are,” she breathed.
He licked the spot he’d kissed, then moved higher and kissed and licked again.
“Let’s get you loud,” he said huskily just before licking over her *.
“Ah.” Her fingers tightened in his hair and she lifted her hips closer.
He licked, swirling his tongue as her “ahs” got louder.
Finally he sucked.
“Ah!”
He slid a finger into her tight heat, loving how she writhed and cried out. Stroking deep, he added a second finger, curling just right to hit the spot that would send her quickly over the edge.
“Gavin!”
There it was. She came around his finger, crying his name.
“I don’t think I can properly express how much I love doing that,” he said, crawling up her body.
She grabbed him around the neck and pulled him close, hugging him tightly.
For a moment he held her and just breathed in and out. When he tried to move, though, she held tighter, not letting him shift away even an inch.
“Al?”
She didn’t respond, and he became aware that her breathing was ragged and there was something warm and wet on his shoulder.
“Allie, are you crying?”
She sniffed, but still said nothing.
“Honey, I can’t breathe.” It was more from the tightness he felt in his chest at the idea of her crying, but he needed to move so he could see her.
With a big sigh, she finally loosened her hold on him.
He lifted himself up off of her and she tried to roll away. He pinned her hips to the mattress. “No way. Allie, what’s going on?”
She had her eyes closed and she shook her head.
The sex had always been amazing. Even overwhelming at times. He’d felt a multitude of emotions after being with her as well. But there had never been tears.
Even when they’d broken up—any of the times—there hadn’t been tears. At least, not that he’d seen.
Gavin shifted so he was to one side, but he wouldn’t let her turn. “Allison, talk to me.”
“I just…” She covered her face with one hand and breathed in and out, deep. “I don’t know.”
“You’re crying.”
“I know.” She sniffed.
“In bed.”
“I know.”
“With me.”
“I know.”
“After an orgasm.”
“I know,” she wailed.
“You can understand where I might be feeling confused…and offended.” He’d meant to make her smile. Instead she grabbed a pillow and covered her face, her whole body shaking.
Dammit.
“Al?”
He started to pull her toward him but she resisted, and when he let go she rolled and headed for the bathroom.
The next thing he knew the bathroom door shut—and locked—behind her.
F*ck.
Gavin scrubbed a hand over his face. Now what? He had almost no experience in comforting crying women. But Allie didn’t cry. She was always in control, poised, in charge.
This was…not good.
Gavin pushed himself up off the bed and strode to the bathroom door. “Allie?”
“Just give me a minute. Or an hour. Go back to work,” she said, her voice muffled by the door.
“No way. Come out here.”
“No.”
Gavin rolled his neck. He liked things upfront. When they were breaking up, they’d been straightforward and completely honest. They loved each other but they wanted completely different lives. It made sense to end it. When he wanted her back, even though she was getting married, he walked into the church and told her how he felt.
He wasn’t going to tolerate a door between them when she was crying.
“I’m going downstairs to get my tools. When I come back up, either the door gets opened by you or the hinges are coming off.” He started to turn away, but the door swung open behind him.
“Are you kidding me?” Allie demanded from the doorway. “I can’t have a ten-minute breakdown by myself?”
Her eyes were red and puffy, but the tears had stopped. She was wrapped up in one of his big bath towels and she looked—dammit—fragile.
He crossed his arms. “No.”
“I just want to be alone.”
“Too bad.”
“That’s not very sympathetic.”
“No. But I have a feeling that you’ve had plenty of sympathy. Everyone’s been tiptoeing around, not talking to you about how you’re feeling for a long time now, right?”
She opened her mouth to reply, then snapped it shut, frowned, and finally said, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You got away with that for a year. I guess if you wanted to have everyone leave you alone—even when you were getting sick and exhausted—then you should have stayed in Promise Harbor.”
Her chin came up. “Maybe I should have.”
“But you know as well as I do that you didn’t want to be in Promise Harbor. You wanted to get out. You wanted to escape.” He took four steps closer, his toes just on the other side of the threshold into the bathroom. “You wanted me.”
“Maybe I just came for some hot sex.”
“Maybe,” he said with a nonchalant shrug. “But I’m not the one who just had an orgasm and bolted out of bed crying. Seems that if that’s all you wanted, you would have stayed put and gotten more.”
She looked surprised that he brought it up like that. Then her cheeks got pink. “I didn’t…it wasn’t because of the orgasm.”
“What was it?”
She swallowed hard. “I don’t know. It just all came out. I couldn’t stop it.”
He reached out, rubbing his hand up and down her upper arm. “Honey, it’s okay. In fact, I think it’s great. I’m not mad. My pride’s not wounded. If you want, I’ll take you back over to the bed right now and show you how not wounded I am. But,” he went on when her mouth curled, ever so slightly, “I know that I’m dealing with a lot of emotions right now being with you again. I can only imagine all the feelings that are messing with you.”
She shook her head. “I’m fine. It’s not—”
“Allie, your mom died.”
She flinched. “I’m aware.”
“That’s big. Huge. And I know you. I know that you haven’t told one single person how devastated you are.”
She pressed her lips together, not meeting his eyes. “They know how devastated I am.”
“But them knowing isn’t the same thing as you admitting it. You’ve been too worried about your dad and brothers and Sophie to probably even admit it to yourself. And I know none of them asked.”
He felt a familiar churning in his gut when he thought about Allie’s family. Or rather her blind devotion to them. They weren’t bad people, by any means. He’d liked her mom and dad—what he’d known of them. But when he and Allie were dating, they hadn’t involved their families. They’d been off at college and spent all their time together outside of Promise Harbor. He didn’t go home to visit, and when she did, he stayed behind. It worked.
But Gavin had seen her when she was getting ready to go home for a visit. She’d been tense and distracted. Then when she came back to him she’d been tired and stressed. Nothing like how she’d looked in the church at her own wedding, but the strain around her eyes had always pulled at him, made him feel protective and possessive. He’d wanted nothing more than to erase that look and make her smile. Not talking about her family and her weekend at home had seemed the best way to do those things. And so their Sundays of fun had started.
Eventually, though, the inevitable happened. When it finally came down to choosing between him and them, she chose them. She had this idea that they couldn’t survive without her, and now that Lily was gone, he was sure that had multiplied a thousand times.
Gavin made himself relax. She was here now. He could take care of her. Her family was too far away to lean on her.
“Can we go back to bed?” she asked, dropping the towel.
As far as diversionary tactics went, that was a good one.
But Gavin was strong. He shook his head. “If you think you’re going to get out of talking by distracting me with sex…you’re almost right.”
She smiled.
“But I can play that game too—until you talk to me and tell me about serious stuff, no sex for you.”
She stared at him. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do.” At least, he was going to try hard to mean that. There were more important things here than sex.
When she was standing in front of him naked, it was nearly impossible for him to remember what they were without fierce concentration, but he knew there were some things.
“I need you, Gav,” she said quietly, moving closer and putting her hand on his chest over his heart.
He covered her hand with his. “I know you do. But you need me for more than a daring rescue from the church and hot sex that makes you forget everything else.”
She frowned at him and he raised his eyebrows at her.
“You’re surprised that I know that you’re trying to not think and talk and feel? Babe, we’ve been doing that routine for years.”
“Let’s keep doing it. That’s what I need.”
He cupped her face. “No.”
“No?”
She was right to be surprised. The only time he’d said no to her was when she’d asked him to come to Promise Harbor with her.
“I’m the best playmate you ever had, right?” They’d played hard in the bedroom for sure, but they’d played hard in the world too. They’d skied, snorkeled, had food fights, sung karaoke.
She knew what he meant. “Yes. Definitely.”
“Now I want to be the best everything else too.”
He’d almost lost her. He would never forget the feeling of panic that had coursed through him when he’d heard Hayley’s message that Allie was getting married. It was like his world shook and broke apart, looking completely different in the next moment. He needed her and was going to keep her this time.
She swallowed hard, clearly not sure what to say to that.
He turned her by the shoulders and nudged her into the bedroom. “Get dressed. I want to get started on the everything else.”
“Maybe I’ll go back to bed,” she said moving toward the king-size mattress. “Even if I’m alone. I can do quite a bit alone.” Her tone and smile made it very clear what she was referring to.
“Nope. Nice try.” Though his body didn’t care that she was only teasing him. Without even trying, he conjured some very specific and graphic images of her alone in bed, doing “quite a bit”. “If you’re not downstairs in five minutes, I’ll come back up and get you. And it will be even longer before you get lucky.”
Allie groaned, obviously believing him.
“See you in five.” He was grinning as he shut the bedroom door behind him. He was sexually frustrated, but he was feeling optimistic about everything else.
In fact, he was going to be the king of everything else.
Allie took her time getting dressed. She didn’t remember Gavin being so bossy. She would have remembered because it was kind of a turn-on. Not that she wanted to talk—at least, not the way he intended—but she couldn’t help the little shiver of desire that went through her every time he declared he was going to take care of her.
Maybe she didn’t remember the bossy side of him because she hadn’t needed it before.
She knew that Gavin hadn’t liked the way she put her family before everything else. She knew he thought they were ridiculously dependent on her. The boys, including her father, anyway. Her mom hadn’t been dependent, but she’d made no secret of wanting her daughter to follow in her footsteps, taking care of others and serving the community.
Her mom had helped raise her three younger cousins after her aunt died. Of cervical cancer. So it came naturally to Lily, and she’d indirectly and directly passed it on to Allie. In return, Lily had been beloved, appreciated and respected. Allie would never forget how packed the church had been—standing room only—for her funeral.
Allie shuddered and shut the thoughts down again. She was getting good at that. Just like she shut down the urge to run to the doctor and have a PAP test every other month. She knew the risk factors for the cancer, and she was doing what she could to prevent it. She knew eating right and exercise and regular PAPs and safe sex were the main things in her control. And she was doing them. She had to be okay with that.
Well, she was trying to do them. She’d had her PAP and she’d only had sex with two men in the past six years, but she needed to eat more fruits and vegetables and, well, everything. Sighing, she admitted that Gavin was right about that.
The mirror confirmed what she already knew—she looked like crap. She could blame it on being sick and in bed for the last few days, but the truth was that she’d looked and felt like this for months. She wanted to exercise, but she was so tired all the time. Then because she wasn’t exercising she felt even more tired. It was a vicious cycle she was aware of on some level, but she had yet to truly do something to change it.
Turning away from the mirror, she pulled her blouse on and walked to the window. Gavin’s property was gorgeous. This was hardly the frigid white world that came to mind when she thought about Alaska. Getting outside for a walk was not a bad idea.
It was approaching the five-minute mark and she didn’t have the energy to fight with Gavin anymore right now, so she started for the staircase.
That was why he’d never been bossy before. She hadn’t needed it. They agreed on most things, like restaurants and movies and how to spend the weekend. The only thing they’d ever disagreed about was family and Promise Harbor, and they’d simply avoided talking about them rather than fight. She went home to visit and he stayed in Boston. It was that simple. Even when it meant the end to their relationship, he didn’t fight. He got upset. He asked her to stay with him. But when she’d said no, he’d accepted it.
Now, though, he clearly felt the need to step in. And it made her feel good. She couldn’t deny it.
Besides, this more demanding side of him was hot.
Maybe she’d let him get away with it for a while.
She descended the steps, expecting Gavin to be waiting at the bottom for her. Instead, she was surprised to find Lydia standing there. With a glass of something orange, a plate with a muffin, and a surly expression.
“What’s this?” Allie asked when she got to the bottom step.
“Your breakfast. I guess.”
“You made it?”
“Yep.”
“Why?”
“Gavin asked me to.”
“Ah.” Allie reached for the glass and sniffed it. “Orange?” It was too thick to be juice.
“Orange, mango and peach smoothie.”
Allie lifted an eyebrow. That sounded good. “You take a drink of it first.”
Lydia didn’t seem surprised or offended by the request. She took a big drink out of it, complete with a satisfied “ah” after she swallowed.
Fine. She’d drink it. “Blueberry?” Allie asked of the muffin.
Lydia did look offended at that. “Cranberry orange.”
Allie decided not to ask if there was a muffin schedule like there was for the cookies.
“Well, thanks,” she said, taking the plate.
“Whatever.” Lydia headed back for the kitchen.
Allie made a note not to get hungry if Gavin wasn’t around. Lydia wasn’t going to cook for Allie out of the goodness of her heart.
She took a sip of what was quite likely the best smoothie ever made. Then she tasted the muffin and decided that she should probably start being nice to Lydia. The girl could cook.
Chewing, she glanced around. Where was Gavin? Surely he’d be coming back soon to check on her with the five-minute timeline he’d given her.
She wandered toward the kitchen. “Lydia, have you seen Gavin?”
“Yes.” The girl was standing at the sink rinsing dishes.
Okay. “Can you tell me where he is?”
“In the clinic. He just took a walk-in.”
Yeah, that wasn’t a lot of help. Did she wait here? Lydia banged a spoon hard against the pot she was washing and Allie decided that no, she wasn’t waiting here.
In fact, she wasn’t going to wait at all.
She stepped out onto the deck through the sliding glass door.
Breathing deeply, she walked to the far end of the deck. The mountains in the distance looked like a postcard and the sun warmed her skin. Eyes closed, Allie tipped her head back, just feeling the clean air. The soft breeze stirred her hair and she felt some tension melt out of her muscles.
This was nice. Quiet too. Really quiet. And it wasn’t just the lack of sounds around her, it was the lack of even potential sounds. No one knew she was here. There was no phone ringing, no doorbell ringing, no brothers asking for favors, no father digging through a drawer trying to find something that he hadn’t seen in two years and couldn’t describe to her when she tried to help.
The tension was back, so Allie forced herself to take a big drink of smoothie, then a big breath of Alaska air, and empty her mind.
She was here now. She should take advantage of the clean, fresh air, the gorgeous scenery, the good food and the gorgeous man who’d given her all of this.
But in order to take advantage of him, she’d have to talk.
Even if she wanted to talk, where would she start?
“You take this view from beautiful to gorgeous.”
She didn’t open her eyes or move. She’d been expecting him at some point. “That’s a cheesy line.”
Gavin chuckled. “It’s still true.”
She felt him move in next to her. He didn’t touch her, but the wooden railing around the deck moved slightly when he leaned against it, and the air got warmer on that side of her.
Allie breathed again, keeping her eyes shut. She needed to steer the conversation or he would try. He couldn’t make her talk about any topic she didn’t want to, but even his questions brought surges of emotions. Emotions she didn’t want.
“Do you remember the time you made up naughty versions of fairy tales for me?”
Somehow she could tell he was smiling when he said, “Of course.”
“I especially liked the Cinderella story where she and Prince Charming got it on in the broom closet before midnight.”
She felt him turn toward her. “And, of course, how Hansel propositioned the witch to get him and Gretel out of trouble,” she said.
Gavin lifted his hand to her head, stroking her hair.
Allie kept her eyes shut, breathing deep of his scent, which was even more energizing than the fresh, natural air. “And who could forget what the frog really needed from the princess to turn human?”
“I know what you’re doing.”
His voice was husky but she could tell he was watching her. “Reminiscing?”
“Tempting.”
Finally she opened her eyes. “Am I?”
“Yes.” His eyes were hot as they stared into hers. “But it won’t work.”
It was clear that the memory of that night, when he’d told her his versions of the favorite stories, was as strong in his mind as it was hers.
“What if I tell you that I’ve come up with a few stories of my own?” she asked.
“It won’t matter.”
“You don’t think I can distract you with a story about Snow White and the seven dwarfs?”
“You’re going to turn a beloved childhood story into a gang bang?”
She smiled. “Well, I hardly think any dwarfs would be grumpy or sleepy if that was going on. You have a dirty mind.”
“Yes, I do. More so when you’re around.”
“One of your most endearing traits, in my opinion.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. “I know.”
“Let’s go upstairs,” she said, moving in close. “Where I can really take advantage of that.”
“Love to. Just tell me how your dad and brothers are doing.”
Dammit. She felt her smile waver. “I don’t want to talk.”
“I want to know how you are, what’s going on in your life, Allie.”
“I’m fine,” she said, making herself meet his gaze.
“Liar.”
“How could I not be? Especially now. I’m on vacation in this beautiful place, with the sexiest man I’ve ever met, nothing to do or worry about.”
Gavin frowned. “This isn’t a vacation.”
“Well, it’s not my real life, that’s for sure. But,” she said when he started to reply, “isn’t that the point? You’re the one who stole me away from my real life. You don’t want me living my real life, right?”
He sighed. “That’s not exactly it.”
“My real life includes my father and my brothers—a lot of them, all the time. And committee meetings and my phone always ringing and someone always needing me. And…” she took a deep breath, “…Josh.”
Gavin’s jaw tightened. “Then no, I don’t want you living your real life.”
“So, help me forget about it. Give me something else to feel and think about and care about.”
The tightness left his face and he lifted his hand to her cheek again. “You already feel for me and think about me and care about me.”
He was right. There was no way she could convincingly deny it. “No, none of that was ever the problem,” she said quietly. “Caring about you was easy.”
“Easy, huh?”
“Definitely.”
Something flickered in his eyes. “That’s what finally cost me, isn’t it?” he asked softly.
Allie took a breath. “What do you mean?”
“I was easy. Easy to be with. Easy to care about. And I made your choice easy.”
She tried to breathe again, but the air already stuck in her lungs wouldn’t let her.
“If I’d been more high maintenance, like they are, if I’d needed you more than they did, we would have stayed together. You went home because you thought they couldn’t be without you. But that I could.”
His words hit her directly in the heart. He was right. But she was stunned he’d figured it out.
Clearly he’d been paying attention. And thinking about this a lot.
Part of his appeal in the beginning had been that he was someone she could love who didn’t need her. That had been so attractive.
But yes, that had also made it easy to leave him.
He’d survive without her. She’d known that. She’d known that he’d go off and make an amazing life and be happy even without her, so it had been easier to say good-bye to him than to the family that did need her.
Allie felt her throat tighten and had to blink to keep him in focus. “You still don’t need me.” He’d left her and done just fine. She grabbed his arm as he leaned back. “But it’s a relief, Gavin. That’s what I need. I’ve got nothing left to give right now.”
“I need to have you here with me,” he said, his voice quietly intense. “I need to know you’re okay, that you’re healthy and happy, Allie. I need that a lot.”
She swallowed hard. He looked determined. She was starting to like that look on him.
“I’m feeling a lot more of all of that when I’m here with you.”
He looked into her eyes for what seemed like an eternity. Then he leaned in and kissed her softly.
The gentleness of it almost knocked her over. More than all of the passion and heat and intensity she’d experienced lip to lip with Gavin, this was the one that nearly undid her.
Stupidly, tears filled her eyes, and in spite of her best effort, one escaped. Gavin just watched it slide down her cheek. Then he lifted his finger and wiped the wetness from her skin. He didn’t panic and he didn’t insist she talk about it. He just took her hand.
“Let me show you around,” he finally said. “I want you to see my clinic, the rest of the house, the property, the town—everything I’ve got here.”
He’d kissed her, he’d carried her in his arms, he’d made her come with his mouth and tongue, and yet his hand holding hers was what made her chest warm and her mind quiet. As long as Gavin had a hold of her, she’d be okay. He seemed determined not to let go.
Allie followed him back into the kitchen. Lydia’s back was still to them and she just gave a noncommittal “uh-huh” when Gavin told her he was giving Allie a tour and to page him if anyone needed anything.
Gavin gave Allie a wink as they stepped into the short hallway off the kitchen. “She’s suspicious of you.”
Allie shrugged as they walked along the bright hallway with windows everywhere. “She should be. I show up here in the middle of the night in a wedding dress, unconscious, with no explanation? Seems weird, you have to admit.”
“I think it’s more about her not thinking any woman is good enough for me.”
She looked up at him. “Thought you said nothing was going on there.”
“She actually feels more…motherly toward me, I think.”
“Sure.”
He laughed. “Seriously. She’s always picking up after me, feeding me, criticizing me. And she tells me which women in town want to date me and why I should steer clear.”
“Because she wants you all to herself,” Allie said. Men were really dumb.
He shook his head. “She and I have talked about this. Her reasons are things like the girl being slutty, or having a bad temper, or drinking too much.”
“You and Lydia have talked about this?” Allie rolled her eyes. Of course they had. Gavin was in-your-face honest. There was little that was subtle about him. If he had an opinion, a question or advice, he let you know it. He did it nicely. But if you asked Gavin if your hair looked good, you’d better be prepared for the truth.
“Yeah.” He pushed the door at the end of the hall open and they stepped into what was clearly his office. “I was wondering why she was so critical of all the women too, but when I asked if she was in love with me, she crossed her arms, looked me up and down, shook her head and said, ‘Sorry, but no’.”
Allie felt her mouth curve. “She apologized?”
He nodded. “She was very gentle on my ego. She said she liked me, felt loyal to me, like I said, and just didn’t want me to get with a girl who wasn’t good enough, but that she had no interest in me beyond that.”
“And you believed her?” How could any woman not want Gavin? He had it all. She sighed.
“Yep. She told me, very politely, that she thinks I’m a great guy but she’s not attracted to me, there’s no spark.”
Allie laughed. “Clearly she’s not normal.”
He tugged her toward him. “I love when you laugh.”
She looked up at him and couldn’t reply right away in the face of the warmth in his eyes. “I don’t avoid it on purpose or anything.”
He gave her a little smile that seemed almost sad. “I know. But we’re going to make it more regular.”
She was all for it. “Nice office,” she commented, even though she’d barely glanced at it.
He looked around. Two walls held floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, one wall had a huge window—of course—and the other held the door that obviously led to the rest of the clinic. His desk was huge and cluttered. There were distinct piles but there were a lot of them, and he had at least four coffee cups, a bowl and spoon, and three textbooks along with the usual desk stuff—penholder, phone, lamp, clock.
He smiled. “This is the one room in my life Lydia doesn’t touch.”
“It shows.”
“I know.” He pulled her toward the door to the clinic. “But a guy needs some space to just be himself.”
“Even if himself is messy and unorganized?” she asked, following.
“Even then,” he agreed with a grin.
His office opened into a break room with a fridge, microwave, small table and coffee pot, which then led into the front lobby. It seemed to be a typical vet office with chairs in the waiting area, a tall desk where patients—or their owners anyway—signed in. What was a little unusual, though, were the huge color photographs that covered the walls.
Polar bears.
Everywhere.
But not just nice wildlife photographs of random polar bears. Gavin was in every photo.
He was bundled in cold weather gear from head to toe, his eyes covered with dark goggles, but she knew it was him. It was the grin.
She’d know that smile anywhere.
She moved toward the big photo in the middle of the far wall. It was Gavin holding two polar bear cubs and looking like he’d never been happier. Her heart ached at the sight of that smile. God, he was gorgeous, and warm, and amazing.
“These are beautiful,” she said, lifting her hand to touch the face of one of the bears.
“Thanks. Those were taken last summer. Those are twin girls.”
Something in his voice made her turn to look at him. He was looking at the photo with pride in his expression.
“Where is this?” she asked. Did they have polar bears wandering through their neighborhoods in Alaska?
“Up on the Northern Slope,” he said. “It’s one of only seven polar bear populations in the world. One of two in North America.”
“What were you doing?”
“It’s a capture and release program through the US Geological Survey that’s been around about thirty years. Three times a year—spring, summer and fall—we go out with the goal of capturing and monitoring about one hundred bears. We gather samples—like skin, hair, fat—and take lots of measurements. We also tattoo ID numbers on them so we can track them long-term. Most of the bears are monitored for years.”
His face lit up as he spoke about this obvious passion, and Allie found herself fascinated.
“Where’s the Northern Slope?” she asked.
He moved to a huge map of Alaska he had mounted on another wall. “North,” he said with a grin.
“Ha-ha.”
He pointed. “I’ve worked near both Deadhorse, which is a town of oil-field workers, and Barrow, which is a native community of Inupiat people.”
“Tell me about it,” she said.
“Really?”
Something that made him look that happy? She definitely wanted to hear more. “Yes, really.”
He didn’t need any further nudging. “The season is usually four to six weeks, and the work depends on the amount of daylight and how lucky we get finding the bears. They’re tracked with GPS coordinates from their collars, but the satellites only upload coordinates every forty-eight hours and a bear can cover a lot of ground in that amount of time, so sometimes we go a couple days without seeing anything. Other days we find ten bears at once. So we stay up there while we’re working. The days can be long and the weather can be nasty, but…I love it.”
That was clear.
“What’s this?”
The photo she was looking at showed a helicopter lifting a huge bear in a slinglike contraption.
Gavin moved to stand behind her and she leaned back into him. She loved feeling the rumble of his voice through his chest as he talked. She also loved the warm weight of his hands on her shoulders.
He chuckled looking at the photo. “That guy weighed just a bit over one thousand pounds. Can you imagine four or five of us trying to get him into that sling when he was completely knocked out? It was a great workout.”
Her eyes widened. “A thousand pounds?”
“Yep. The helicopter is the only way to move a big boy like that. That’s Wilson, one of our best pilots. I love going out with him. The most dangerous part of the work is when the helicopter is following a bear before it’s sedated. We tranquilize the bear by shooting it with a Telazol dart from a shotgun. It takes an amazing helo pilot to not crash while staying close enough that we can get a shot while the bear is trying frantically to get away. Once we get the dart in, we go up higher and follow until the bear falls asleep—and to make sure they don’t try to go into the water, then drown when the drug starts to work.”
“And you’re in the helicopter while they’re chasing the bears?” she asked with a little shiver.
“Yeah. That’s how we get up there. There are no roads in that part of Alaska, babe.”
Ugh. No roads and one-thousand-pound polar bears. She wasn’t in Massachusetts anymore.
“The next danger is working on a bear when there are other bears nearby. The work on one bear can take up to two hours, so sometimes we move the bear to a safer location. And we’re all armed and there’s always someone standing guard.”
Allie looked back at the photo. Wow. Stuff like that didn’t happen in the harbor for sure.
“I didn’t know you were doing that,” she said, trying to keep the emotion out of her voice.
It was strange to think that there were things about Gavin she didn’t know. If she’d really stopped and thought about it, of course she knew there were things about his life she didn’t know—like how beautiful the land in his new home was, or that he had a housekeeper named Lydia, or that he worked with polar bears—but this was the first time she’d really let that sink in.
It also seemed unfair with everything he clearly knew about her. His insight into who she was, how she liked to fix people, how she coped with stress and tried to make everything better, was scary.
“I got started when I got to know a PhD student in Kansas. He was working with the Geological Survey and got me hooked up. I fell for it right away.”
Not just pride, she decided, but true love—that was what she was seeing in his face as he looked at the bears.
Yeah, one more reason Gavin was probably happier in Alaska.
She shook that off. “This clinic is great.”
“Thanks. I’m proud of it. The practice was already here, but over the past year it’s grown nicely. It’s good I have Nancy to help out.”
As if on cue, the tall blonde from earlier that morning stepped from one of the rooms off the lobby. She pulled up short. “Oh, hi.”
Gavin gestured between the women. “Nancy, this is Allison Ralston. Allie, Nancy Steirs, my assistant.”
And one of his watchdogs, Allie thought. But she didn’t say anything. “Hi, Nancy.”
Nancy didn’t quite smile but she said, “Hi, Allison.”
“You can call me Allie.”
“Okay.”
“How’s Max?” Gavin asked, seeming unaware of the awkward silence between the women.
“Gave him the shot, cleaned that ear out and gave her instructions,” Nancy said, handing Gavin a folder.
“Great. I’ll poke my head in for a minute. Be right back,” he told Allie.
She watched him knock once and enter the room, shutting the door behind him.
Then she and Nancy were alone.
“Carter thinks I should tell you that I’m not interested in Gavin,” Nancy said.
Allie wondered if it was the fresh air up here that made people so frickin’ honest all the time. “That’s handy, since he’s taken,” she said.
“Is he?” Nancy asked smoothly.
“Why else would he have not slept with anyone for the year that he’s been here?” Allie asked, finding that the blunt thing was kind of fun. “I’m sure there have been lots of willing women.”
Nancy met her gaze. “You always believe everything men tell you?”
Allie shook her head. Lord knew that she rarely believed the things her brothers told her. Her father told her he was “fine” when he definitely was not. She had believed most of what Josh said to her, but not everything. Not that he actually wanted to marry her. She knew he would have married her. But that was different.
“No, just Gavin.” She had always trusted Gavin. Besides, she’d not only slept with someone else, she’d accepted that man’s proposal. Gavin didn’t have to lie about his love life—she had no room to judge.
Nancy watched her for a moment, then asked, “You know him really well, huh?”
Allie nodded. “Better than I know anyone.”
“What’s his favorite breakfast food?”
It stood to reason that they worked early morning shifts together and Nancy might know Gavin’s favorite. Especially since he ate it five days a week. “Oatmeal,” Allie said. “And not the flavored instant kind. The real stuff.”
Nancy gave her a nod of acknowledgement. “Favorite music act of all time?”
Ah, a trick question. But Allie definitely knew this one. She’d been dragged to three concerts. Each. “It’s a tie between Tim McGraw and Brad Paisley.”
Nancy seemed mildly impressed. “What does he find funny that absolutely is not?”
Allie grinned. “Talking animals in movies.”
Nancy actually smiled at that. “Favorite sexual position?”
Allie raised an eyebrow. “Do you know the answer to that question?”
Nancy shrugged. “That was a bonus. For the rest of us. It’s been a frequent topic of conversation at The Hub.”
Allie didn’t doubt it. Gavin was definitely the type of guy to draw attention—especially of the female type. But she was thrilled no one knew the answer. “The Hub?”
“The bar downtown.”
Of course. “Well, I’m feeling generous. His favorite is the cowgirl.”
Nancy grinned. “Okay, you passed the test.”
“The test of how well I know Gavin?”
“That. And the test of how cool you are. I’ll tell Lydia to lighten up.”
“You were teaming up to test me?”
“No. I was testing you. Lydia just doesn’t like you.”
Allie sighed. “Got it.”