His Marriage to Remember

Five



“Bria, do you want me to start making the pie crusts?”

Looking up from the apples she had been peeling, Bria laughed at the sight of her sister. “How on earth did you get flour in your hair?”

“The stupid bag exploded when I opened it,” Mariah said, making a face. She used the back of her hand to brush back a strand of dark brown hair that had escaped her ponytail. “I think I must have been squeezing the bag when I cut the top off.”

“Why didn’t you just use what was in the canister?” Bria asked, turning her attention back to the apples in the bowl in front of her.

“Because that would have made more sense,” Mariah said, laughing. “You know I don’t have the first clue what I’m doing in the kitchen.”

“Well, pie crust can be kind of tricky,” Bria said diplomatically. She put down the knife, then wiped her hands on a towel. “Why don’t I make the crust while you finish peeling the apples.”

Looking relieved, Mariah nodded. “I think that’s an excellent idea.” She picked up the paring knife Bria had been using. “But could you do me a favor?”

“What’s that?” Bria asked, measuring cups of flour. When her sister hesitated, she looked up to see Mariah wearing a sheepish expression.

“Could you talk me through making the pies?”

Mariah had never shown the slightest interest in cooking and Bria was impressed that her sister had even offered to help. She suspected that the only reason Mariah had made the gesture this time was due to the fact that the dinner was for Jaron’s birthday.

Grinning, Bria nodded. “You’re going to try the old ‘the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’ tactic, huh?”

Her sister’s cheeks turned bright pink. “I…uh, well…kind of. Jaron would rather have your apple pie than a birthday cake and I’d like to see if I can make one. I promise I’ll do everything you tell me to and—”

“Of course I’ll help you,” Bria said, putting her arm around her younger sister’s shoulders for a quick hug.

“Thanks, Bria,” her sister said, hugging her back. “You’re the best sister ever.”

The moment she met him, Mariah had developed a huge crush on Jaron Lambert. Unfortunately, she had only been eighteen at the time and even now at twenty-three, Jaron still considered the ten years’ difference in their ages insurmountable. Bria hoped that one day her sister could eventually see that and move on to find someone else.

By the time she had talked Mariah through making four apple pies for baking the next day, Bria was ready for a break. “Let’s get ourselves a glass of iced tea and go out to sit on the porch swing for a few minutes,” she suggested.

“Where did Sam and T.J. go?” Mariah asked as they walked out of the kitchen.

“Sam said they were going to check on one of the bulls over in the south pasture, but I’m pretty sure it’s just an excuse to get out of the house for a while.” Bria shrugged as she sat down on the swing. “You have no idea how difficult it’s been to get him to take it easy.”

“T.J. won’t let him overdo things, will he?” Mariah asked, concerned.

Bria took a sip of her iced tea, then shook her head. “I don’t think there’s any way to stop Sam if he really wants to do something. But at least if anything happens it will be on T.J.’s shoulders and not mine.”

Having Sam’s foster brother arrive a couple of days early had been a godsend. T.J.’s visit had given her the break she needed from the stress she’d been under since Sam’s release from the hospital, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Bria wasn’t sure how much longer she would have been able to keep up the charade without cracking under the pressure of pretending everything was all right when it wasn’t.

“Has Sam remembered anything at all?”

Bria sighed. “If he has, he hasn’t mentioned it.”

“Maybe having all his brothers around will help him recall something,” Mariah suggested. “The last time we had a get-together like this was just before you…”

When her sister’s voice trailed off, Bria knew Mariah hated bringing up something that had been so emotionally painful for her. “Just before I miscarried.”

Mariah nodded.

“It’s all right. It was pretty rough for a while, but I can talk about it now without dissolving into tears,” Bria assured her.

“When is Rosa coming back from visiting her sister?” Mariah asked, changing the subject. Bria suspected Mariah was afraid of upsetting her if they talked too much about the miscarriage.

“She isn’t supposed to be back for another week, but I’m going to call her and give her another week off with pay,” Bria answered. “She’s as nice as can be, but I’m afraid she’ll accidentally say something in front of Sam that he’s not ready to hear.”

Mariah shook her head. “You definitely don’t want that.”

“No, that’s the last thing I need.” Bria smiled. “With her on vacation, I suppose it’s a good thing I like to cook.”

“That’s something I just can’t understand.” Mariah made a face. “I can think of all kinds of things I’d rather do than to stand at a stove to fix a meal.”

Bria laughed. “But you wanted to make the apple pies.”

“That’s different.” Mariah grinned. “I think you know why.”

“Yes, I think I do,” Bria said, grinning back.

They were quiet for several minutes before Mariah asked, “When do you think Jaron will be here?”

Smiling, Bria checked her watch. “He called Sam early this morning to tell us he was on his way, so I’d say just about any time now.”

“Really?” A look of panic crossed Mariah’s young face when Bria nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me, Bria? I’ve been sitting here all this time and I’m a mess. I’ve got flour in my hair and—”

“You look adorable,” she said, laughing. “The flour in your hair and the streak of cinnamon on your shirt will give credence to your having made the pies.”

Mariah rolled her eyes as she stood up and started toward the door. “I associate the word adorable with puppies and kittens. I’d much rather look sexy and alluring. I’m going upstairs to take a shower and change clothes.”

After her sister went inside, Bria sat for some time thinking about their conversation. Hopefully Mariah was right and having his brothers here for the weekend would help Sam start recalling things that had happened in recent months. If not, Bria wasn’t sure how much longer she would be able to stay with him. Aside from the fact that she was supposed to start a new job in a couple of weeks, the more time she spent with Sam, the more it reminded her of how much she still cared for him and how dangerous that was to her peace of mind.

There was no doubt she would always love Sam. Unfortunately, sometimes loving someone wasn’t enough. He hadn’t been willing to help her work through the problems in their marriage and she couldn’t go on with the way things had been.

Sighing, she rose from the swing to go back inside to start cutting up vegetables for a casserole. Leaving Sam had been one of the most difficult decisions she’d ever had to make and she would probably still be trying to make their marriage work if not for his extended absence when she miscarried. But being with him now was heaven and hell rolled into one and would only make it harder for her the second time she had to go. This time, she had been treated to a glimpse of what life would be like if he did stop traveling so much, and the more she saw of that life, the more she wanted it. The only problem was, he couldn’t give that to her and she refused to settle for less.

* * *

As Sam sat at the head of the table in the formal dining room watching Bria interact with her sister and his brothers, a desperation like nothing he had ever known clawed at his insides. Since discovering that she was only at the ranch to help him recover from his accident, he hadn’t been able to think of anything but how he was going to get her to stay. The only problem was, he didn’t remember any of the details surrounding her leaving him and had no clue as to what he could do to make things right between them.

But even if he had recalled what had taken place, with all his brothers and her sister around the past couple of days, he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it. The only time they had been alone was when they had gone to bed at night.

“Earth to Sam. How are things out there in outer space, rocketman?” his brother asked, laughing.

Frowning, Sam looked at Nate. “What?”

“I asked you when you see the neurologist again,” Nate answered, his tone sounding a bit short on patience.

“This coming Thursday.” He needed to pay attention to what was going on. The last time he had let his mind wander, he had ended up being broadsided by a ton of hamburger on the hoof.

Without warning, a clear image of the bull coming toward him entered his mind and it took a moment for Sam to realize he was starting to remember things without the accompaniment of a dull headache or the sickening dizziness. Things were starting to come back to him a little faster now, and although he was positive he wasn’t going to like what he recalled, he hoped to gain some insight into how to handle the situation with Bria.

“Have you all decided who’s going to take Sam to the appointment?” he heard Bria ask as she and Mariah got up to cut pieces of apple pie for everyone.

“You’re not going with me?” he asked, frowning. Her question had him abandoning his disturbing introspection in no time flat.

An uneasy silence suddenly blanketed the room and, glancing from one brother to the other, Sam noticed they all seemed to be taking an inordinate interest in the slices of pie being placed in front of them by Bria’s sister.

Shaking her head, Bria walked over with his piece of pie. “Your brothers got together and decided I could use a day off to relax.” She gave him a smile that sent his temperature up a good ten notches. “I might go to a spa or have my hair and nails done.”

Even though he knew his brothers thought the world of Bria, Sam had never known them to be that considerate. But there was really nothing he could say that wouldn’t tip them off that he was regaining his memory and he wasn’t ready just yet to reveal that bit of information.

“It sounds nice, sweetheart,” he said, picking up his fork. Her not being with him didn’t sound nice at all, but at the moment there was nothing he could do but go along with their plan. Looking around the table at the five men shoveling pie into their mouths, he asked, “So which one of you drew the short straw and will be going with me?”

“Ah, hell, I’ll bite the bullet and go down to Waco with you,” Nate spoke up, grinning. “I met a cute little nurse while you were in the hospital down there. I wouldn’t mind seeing her again.”

“You’re worse than a sailor with a woman in every port, Nate,” Lane said, grinning as he shook his head. “I’ll give you five-to-one odds in favor of all that carousing catching up to you one of these days.”

With Lane’s teasing remark, the celebratory mood had been successfully restored, and by the time they all polished off their slices of apple pie, it seemed like any other birthday dinner Bria had held for his brothers.

“Why don’t we do something a little different this time,” Sam said when he noticed how tired Bria looked. “The women did all the cooking and the least we can do is let them take it easy while we clean up and start the dishwasher.”

Bria looked pleasantly surprised and Sam gave himself a mental pat on the back for thinking of it. “I’m not going to stop you if that’s what you really want to do,” she said, smiling.

“Sounds fair to me,” Ryder said, nodding as he rose to his feet to take his plate into the kitchen. “Thanks to both of you lovely ladies for a great meal.”

“Thank you,” Lane said, picking up his glass and plate. “It’s the best dinner I’ve had since the last birthday get-together.”

Standing up, Nate went around the table to give Bria and Mariah a kiss on the cheek. “You girls are the best.” He picked up his plate and as he walked through the door leading into the kitchen, called out, “Dibs on loading the dishwasher.”

“Y’all outdid yourselves with dinner, ladies,” T.J. added, following his brothers.

“They sure did,” Jaron agreed. When he passed Mariah on his way to join the rest of the men in the kitchen, he stopped to give her a rare smile. “Thanks for making the pies, Mariah. Your apple pie is every bit as good as Bria’s.”

Sam watched the surprise on Mariah’s face turn to a beaming smile. “There are still two whole pies left, in case you’d like another slice later,” she said softly.

“I might just take you up on that,” Jaron answered, continuing into the other room.

As Sam passed Bria on his way to join his brothers in the kitchen, he leaned down to kiss her soft lips. “Thank you, sweetheart. I don’t tell you often enough, but I appreciate everything you do for me and my brothers. Why don’t you and Mariah find a place to put your feet up.”

From the expression on her pretty face, he had clearly surprised her once again. “I love doing things like this for family, but are you sure you feel up to the cleaning detail?” she asked, looking a bit hesitant.

He nodded. “I’ll be fine. Now, go and relax for a little while. You both deserve it.”

“I think we might walk down by the creek for some girl talk,” she said, smiling as she rose to her feet.

“Have a nice visit,” he said, meaning it.

Entering the kitchen, Sam thought about how much he liked doing things to make Bria’s life easier and about how good it made him feel. He frowned as he placed his dish on the counter. Was that what Bria meant by needing him to let her do things for him? Did it make her feel good to fuss over him?

“What’s wrong now, Sam?” Nate asked, taking his plate to hand to Ryder to be rinsed off. “You aren’t regretting your suggestion that we become busboys, are you?”

“Not in the least,” Sam retorted, deciding to wait until he was alone to give his revelation more thought. “I just figured if we want more dinners like that, we’d better do something nice once in a while.”

They all agreed and as they joked and laughed their way through cleaning the kitchen, Sam realized how much he had missed the easy camaraderie with the men he had grown up with. Being out on the road most of the time definitely had its drawbacks.

“Let’s grab a beer and head on into the family room,” he suggested when they finished. “The Rangers are playing the Yankees this afternoon.”

“Great!” Nate said enthusiastically. “With that sixty-inch television screen and the surround sound, it’s going to feel like we’re in the stadium.”

“Why don’t we make that a can of soda or a glass of iced tea.” Jaron shook his head. “And don’t hold out for a beer, Sam, because it ain’t happening, bro. I’m not doing anything to make Bria mad at me.”

Sam couldn’t help laughing as they walked into the family room. “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of my wife. She’s barely five and a half feet tall and all of a hundred and ten pounds soaking wet.”

“We’re not exactly afraid of Bria,” Ryder explained, grinning. He sat back in one of the chairs and stretched out his long legs to prop them on the ottoman. “But we’re not stupid, either. We know better than to get on her bad side. She’s one of the best cooks in the whole damn state and we don’t want to run the risk of her not making any more birthday dinners.”

“Mariah’s pies were good, too,” Jaron added, sitting down in one corner of the big leather couch.

Sam and his other four brothers exchanged amused glances as they all found seats. “When are you going to give that girl a chance and take her out?” Lane finally asked, grinning. “You know she’d go in a heartbeat.”

“She’s just a kid,” Jaron scoffed. “I’m way too old for her.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, Methuselah, she’s a grown woman now,” Nate pointed out. “And a damn fine-looking one at that.”

“You stay away from her, Nate,” Jaron warned. “You’re too old for her, too.”

The hard edge in Jaron’s voice had them all raising their eyebrows, but before any of them could react, T.J.’s cell phone rang. From his terse responses, Sam could tell the news wasn’t good.

“That was my ranch foreman,” T.J. said, cursing vehemently as he clipped his cell phone back on to his belt. “The neighbor’s stallion jumped the fence again and spoiled two more of my mares.”

Raising champion reining horses, T.J. had been complaining for the past year about the woman’s stallion coming over to romance his mares. “If that woman doesn’t keep her stud on her side of the fence and away from my herd of mares—”

“I think the man is protesting a little too much,” Lane interrupted, wearing a knowing grin.

“Give it up, T.J.,” Nate teased. “You like when that stud jumps the fence just so you have an excuse to see his owner.”

T.J. looked fit to be tied. “A jackass will sprout wings and start flying before I look forward to being in the same county with that woman. She just flat rubs me the wrong way.”

As they continued to laugh and catch up with each other, Sam’s thoughts kept straying to the woman down at the creek. It was clear that Bria liked doing things for others and that it made her feel good. He had no idea why he hadn’t understood that about her before today, but for the first time in their marriage, he began to see what she meant about wanting him to let her do things for him. It gave her a sense of purpose and she thrived on that. But he had been so determined not to be anything like his lazy, irresponsible father, he had taken that away from her. He had viewed her concern and doing little things like bringing him breakfast in bed as her thinking of him as weak and pathetic.

Maybe that was the direction he should take in starting to make things right between them. Maybe if he relied on her a little more, let her do more for him and allowed her to see that he appreciated the care she so selflessly wanted to give, she might have a change of heart.

He took a deep breath. It wasn’t going to be an easy thing for him to do after a lifetime of being fiercely independent, but at this point, it sure as hell couldn’t hurt to try.

* * *

By the time Sam’s brothers and Mariah waved goodbye and drove from the ranch yard later that evening, Bria had mixed emotions about the day. She had loved having family around, loved watching the closeness Sam and his brothers shared. But it saddened her to think this was probably the last time she and Mariah would be included in one of their birthday celebrations.

“Thanks, sweetheart,” Sam said, putting his arm around her shoulders as they stood on the porch watching the taillights fade into the evening darkness.

“No need to thank me,” she said, meaning it. “You know I enjoy getting together with family.”

“What do you say to turning off the lights and heading up to bed?” He kissed the top of her head. “You’re bound to be bone tired and I know I am.”

She was extremely tired, but her exhaustion had nothing whatsoever to do with cooking a big meal and everything to do with the man holding her so snuggly to his side. For the past several nights she had lain awake in his arms, thinking about what could have been and fighting the overwhelming desire to turn to him, to have him love her once again as only he could. But that wouldn’t make their problems go away and would only make it more difficult for her to leave once Sam recovered his memory.

“I was thinking that I might read for a while to wind down,” she said, hoping he would go upstairs without her. If she waited until he went to sleep, maybe she could go to bed in the guest bedroom and actually get some much-needed sleep. “But you should go on and get your rest.”

Sam didn’t look pleased, but giving her a quick kiss, he started toward the door. He hadn’t gone more than a couple of steps when he stopped suddenly and started to sway.

“You’re light-headed again, aren’t you?” she said, rushing to his side.

When he closed his eyes and put his arm around her shoulders to lean against her, he took a deep breath. “I’ll be okay in a second or two.” A muscle along his jaw worked furiously as he fought the vertigo. “I guess I might have done a little too much the past couple of days,” he finally said, opening his eyes.

“Can you make it into the house?” she asked.

Her concern increased when he gave her a short nod, then closed his eyes against another wave of dizziness. What if he became dizzy and fell down the stairs as they tried to get to the bedroom for him to lie down?

“Maybe you should sleep downstairs tonight, Sam.”

He shook his head. “I’ll make it, sweetheart.”

Her heart felt as if it was in her throat until they reached the top of the stairs and entered the master suite. As soon as he was sitting on the side of the bed, she released the snaps on his chambray shirt and slid it from his broad shoulders.

“I can undress myself,” he said tightly.

“I’m not going to argue with you, Sam.” She pulled off his boots and socks, then tossed them aside. Reaching for his belt, she made quick work of unbuckling the tooled-leather strap. “Do you think you can stand up for me to get you out of your jeans?”

“There’s not a man alive who would say no to that, sweetheart,” he said, slowly rising to his feet and placing his hands on her shoulders to steady himself.

She shook her head. “Really, Sam? You’re thinking about making love even now when you’re so light-headed you can barely stand up? Is that all men think about?”

“It’s a guy thing, sweetheart.”

“It must be,” she muttered as she unbuttoned his waistband, carefully lowered the zipper at his fly, then pushed the denim down his muscular thighs. Even though he was trying to make light of the situation, the fact that he was willingly allowing her to undress him caused her concern to increase. It was something he normally wouldn’t even consider unless they were getting ready to make love.

“Do you want me to call Nate or one of the others?” she asked, wishing his brothers hadn’t already left.

“No, the dizziness is letting up,” he said, stepping out of his jeans. “I just need to stretch out for a while.”

This bout of vertigo had been worse than any of the others and she needed to check the instructions they were given when he was discharged from the hospital. She might need to call the doctor or take Sam to the hospital E.R. “Do you think you’ll be all right while I go downstairs for a minute to get the discharge papers?”

Sam caught her hand in his. “Sweetheart, don’t worry. It was just a little dizzy spell. I’m okay now.”

Bria searched his face. His eyes were clear and focused and he didn’t seem to be in any pain. “Are you sure?”

He nodded. “As long as I have you with me, I’ll be just fine.”

Sam’s words caused her chest to tighten and tears to burn at the backs of her eyes. Why couldn’t he have said something like that to her during the past three years? Why did he have to wait until their divorce was almost final to come to that conclusion?

Needing a moment to compose herself, she motioned toward the bathroom. “I’m going to go change and brush my teeth. I’ll only be a moment.”

Bria hurried across the room and barely managed to get the bathroom door closed before her emotions took over. As tears trickled down her cheeks, she couldn’t help thinking about all the times she had longed to hear Sam say those words.

She swiped at her tears with her fingertips and took a deep breath. He might feel that way now, but as soon as he recovered his memory and the doctor released him to go back to work it would all go back to the way it had always been. Sam would go back to traveling nonstop with his rodeo-livestock company and she would be left alone to wait until he graced her with his presence once again. It was something she couldn’t allow herself to forget. Her survival depended on it.

With her perspective restored, Bria washed her face and changed into her nightshirt. She was facing another sleepless night in Sam’s arms—wanting to turn to him, knowing she couldn’t let herself do that.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and walked into the bedroom to lie down on her side of the bed. “Any more dizziness?”

“No.” He reached to pull her over to him. “I’m just tired and need to hold my wife for a while. Do you have any idea how hard it was not to be able to touch you like this today?” he asked, sliding his hand up beneath the tail of her nightshirt.

Sam’s callused palm skimming along her thigh, then up over her stomach and ribs to cup her breast sent a jolt of need streaking from the top of her head all the way to her toes. With the exception of the other morning when he had pulled her into bed with him, it had been months since he had touched her like this and heaven help her, it felt absolutely wonderful.

“S-Sam…I can’t—”

“Still not a good time?” he asked, nibbling tiny kisses from the side of her neck down to the rapidly beating pulse at the base of her throat.

“I…uh, no.” She was extremely glad he had supplied her excuse for her because at the moment she couldn’t remember a single reason why they shouldn’t make love.

She could feel his lips smiling against the overly sensitive skin along her collarbone. “Like I told you the other morning, Bria, I don’t have to be inside you to make love to you.”

Her pulse sped up at the promise she heard in his slightly hoarse voice. But when Sam teased the tight tip of her breast with his thumb as he kissed his way along her jaw to her lips, her heart felt as if it might leap from her chest. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that he meant every word he had said. He was going to drive her to the brink and she wasn’t sure she would have the willpower to call a halt to it.

Somehow, she had to find the strength to stop him before she lost what little sense she had left. “I love the way you make…me feel, Sam,” she said honestly. “But I’m really…exhausted.”

She wasn’t lying. He had always made her feel that she was the only woman he wanted, the only woman he cherished. And she was tired. Just not as tired as she was letting on.

Turning her to her side so they were face-to-face, he lightly kissed her lips. “I understand.” He pressed his lower body into the cradle of her hips. “I just don’t want you to forget how hot you make me and how much I want you.”

The feel of his strong arousal caused an answering tightness in the pit of her stomach and she couldn’t have stopped her tiny moan of need if her life depended on it.

“Shh, sweetheart.” Cupping her cheek, he tilted her head back until their gazes met. “It will only be another day or two and I’ll be able to love every inch of you. And when I’m finished, there won’t be a doubt in your mind what you do to me and how much I need you.” He gave her a kiss that curled her toes. “Now, let’s get some rest. We’ve both had a big day.”

Bria watched Sam close his eyes and in no time his even breathing indicated that he had drifted off to sleep. She knew she wasn’t going to be that lucky.

Wrapped securely in his arms, with her head pillowed on his bare shoulder, it took everything she had in her not to give in to the overwhelming temptation of waking him and asking him to make love to her. He wanted her and she wanted him and nothing would please her more than for Sam to make her forget the reasons why she felt she had no alternative but to divorce him.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to will away the impulse to give their relationship one more try. It would be easy to tear up the divorce papers and when he regained his memory tell him that she wanted to see if they could work things out. Did she have the courage to risk getting her heart broken again if they couldn’t?

In the past, no matter how many times she had tried to explain how she felt to him and what she needed from their marriage—from him—Sam had insisted that everything he did was for her and their future family and hadn’t been willing to compromise. He had promised to stop traveling one day, but that day never seemed to come. Could she survive having to go through a painful breakup a second time if things didn’t work out for them?

As she lay there staring at the man she had loved from the moment they met, Bria bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling. She wasn’t sure about anything anymore. But one thing that was certain and remained a complete mystery to her was the fact that no matter how disillusioned she had become with the state of their marriage, she still wanted him with a fierceness that stole her breath.