His Marriage to Remember

Two



As Bria steered her SUV onto the road leading up to the ranch house she had called home for the past three years, she glanced over at Sam. He hadn’t had much to say on the drive from the hospital and she wondered if he was trying to remember events from the past six months.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

“I don’t remember us buying this SUV,” he finally said. “How long have we had it?”

“About three months,” she answered, deciding to be honest, but omitting the fact that she had bought the Explorer after she moved away from the ranch.

As of yet, Sam hadn’t asked a lot of questions after being told that he had a form of amnesia, and she was extremely grateful. She wasn’t in the habit of lying to anyone, especially to Sam. For one thing, their relationship had always been based on honesty and trust and although their marriage was at an end, it didn’t mean that had to change. And for another, not telling Sam the truth wouldn’t do a thing to help him regain his memory. The doctor had advised that it would be better to let Sam remember the events of the past six months on his own and not inundate him with facts that might prove stressful and possibly impede his recovery.

“It seems pretty nice,” he said, looking around the interior of the vehicle.

She nodded. “I like it.”

“Did we get it in anticipation of a baby?” he asked, turning to look in the back. “Looks like there should be plenty of room for a car seat.”

“No.”

That was the second time he had mentioned them trying to become pregnant, and it wasn’t any easier to hear this time than it had been the other night at the hospital. Every time she thought about the baby she had miscarried almost five months ago, her chest tightened from the crushing loss, as well as the hurt and anger she still felt at him for not being there for her when she had needed his strength and support. He had chosen work over her and the loss of their baby, and that was something she didn’t think she would ever be able to get past.

She jumped when Sam reached over and placed his index finger to her mouth to stop her from nibbling on her lower lip. “Sweetheart, if you don’t stop that, there won’t be anything left for me to kiss.”

Hoping to change the subject, she took a deep breath and nodded toward the house. “It looks like your brothers are here to visit with you while I go into town to pick up a few things.”

“I don’t need a damn babysitter,” he said, clearly irritated by the thought.

“This isn’t up for debate, Sam.” She shook her head. At times, his pride was one of the most infuriating things about him. “You’re not calling the shots here—I am. The doctor said someone needed to be with you at all times and that’s exactly what’s going to happen. You might as well accept that.”

“We’ll see,” he said, indicating that he wasn’t going to make things easy.

When she parked the SUV, Sam got out of the truck before she could tell him to wait until she made sure he was steady enough to make it to the house. Pointing to the five men on the back porch having a beer, he called, “Hey, grab me one of those.”

“Don’t you dare,” Bria warned them as she closed the driver’s door. “The doctor said no alcoholic beverages.” Coming around the front of the Explorer, she asked, “Do you feel all right? You aren’t dizzy, are you?”

“I’m not a hothouse flower, Bria,” he said impatiently. “Other than not being able to remember the past six months, I’m fine. I could have driven us home and I don’t see why I can’t have a beer. It doesn’t have that much alcohol in it.”

“Let me tell you something, Sam Rafferty,” she said sternly. “You’re going to do exactly what the doctor outlined in the release instructions or I swear I’ll—”

“Do you have any idea how sexy you are when you start pitching a hissy fit?” he interrupted, tenderly touching her cheek. The gesture and his wicked grin sent a tiny thrill straight up her spine, distracting her. She had missed his touch and playfulness. It wasn’t something she had seen a lot of since he started the Sugar Creek Rodeo Company right after they married. “As soon as my brothers leave I’ll show you what it does to me.”

Bria forced herself to ignore the tremendous yearning that coursed through her. Lovemaking had been the one area of their marriage that was everything it should have been—at least it had been when he wasn’t traveling from one rodeo to another. But just because Sam didn’t remember they were calling it quits was no excuse for her to forget and give in to the temptation of being held by him once again. Leaving had been hard enough the first time, making love with him now would only make it doubly so when he regained his memory and she had to leave again.

“There won’t be any of that, either,” she said as much for her own benefit as it was for his. “You’re not supposed to get overly excited or stressed.”

“Sweetheart, making love isn’t stressful,” he said, putting his arm around her shoulders as they walked toward the back-porch steps. “It’s actually a great stress reliever, not to mention just plain fun.”

Her cheeks heated. “Shh. Your brothers will hear.”

“I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t be all that shocked,” he teased. “I think they know married folks carry on like that.”

Sam suddenly stopped walking and she could tell that he was having a problem by the way he leaned on her for support. “Nate! I need help! Sam’s dizzy!”

Nate and the other four men were down the steps and at Sam’s side in a flash. “Let’s get you into the house, bro,” Nate said, lifting Sam’s arm to his shoulders to relieve the weight from Bria.

“I can make it on my own steam,” Sam insisted. A muscle along his jaw worked furiously, indicating that he was fighting with everything he had to will the vertigo away.

Shaking her head at his foolish pride, Bria let out a frustrated sigh. “I’m going to let you all watch him while I go to town to buy groceries and some other necessities.”

“You are coming back, aren’t you?” Nate asked a little too quickly.

“Why wouldn’t she come back?” Sam frowned. “She lives here. Where else would she go?”

“Yes, I’ll be back,” she promised, ducking from beneath his arm. “I assume you took care of everything while I was at the hospital picking up Sam?”

“All done,” T.J. answered.

“What’s going on?” Sam demanded, looking from her to his brothers. “If somebody doesn’t tell me what the hell’s going on, I’m going to—”

“You can be pretty darned ornery when you don’t feel good,” Nate said, shrugging.

“Bria might decide to take off for parts unknown if you don’t follow doctor’s orders,” Lane added. “If I were you, I’d do what she tells you to do.”

When Sam seemed to accept their explanation, Bria breathed a sigh of relief. Very many mistakes like the one Nate had just made and they would have to tell Sam the truth before he could remember it on his own.

“And don’t worry about our getting everything done,” Ryder said, checking his watch. “We took care of getting the livestock loaded and sent on to the Del Rio rodeo. I’m going to hit the road and head on down there now. I’m supposed to work this one anyway, and it won’t be a big deal for me to oversee the wranglers.”

“Thanks, Ryder,” Sam said. “I appreciate it.”

“No need to thank me,” Ryder said, shaking his head. “You’d do the same for me if I needed help.”

“We’ll be down in a couple of days to help out,” T.J. said as Ryder turned to walk to his truck.

“Are we getting together for my birthday on Sunday, Bria?” Jaron looked hopeful. “You know how much I love your apple pie.”

“Of course,” she said, smiling.

She was glad Jaron mentioned his upcoming birthday. Planning his birthday dinner would give her something to concentrate on besides how much she wished things could be different for her and Sam. Besides, she loved holding family celebrations, and with all the men coming back for the weekend, it would give her a break from the pressure she anticipated being under while taking care of Sam.

Apparently satisfied that everything was as it should be, Sam nodded toward her SUV. “Drive careful, sweetheart.”

Walking to her Explorer, Bria wondered how she was going to make it through the next few weeks without losing her mind. Sam was far too perceptive not to pick up on every little slip, and it was just a matter of time before he realized that things between them were vastly different from what he remembered. Unfortunately, explaining that their marriage was over and why would do nothing but add to the stress he was already under from just trying to recall the past several months.

As she drove from the ranch yard, she sighed heavily. How had she managed to get herself into such a complicated situation? But more important than that, how on earth was she going to get herself out of it and remain on the course she had set for herself three months ago?

* * *

With their housekeeper and part-time cook, Rosa, off visiting her sister in San Antonio for a couple of weeks, Bria was in the kitchen cooking supper, while Sam sat in the family room pretending to watch the local evening news. She had insisted that he take it easy and he was trying, but it was damn hard to do. He wasn’t used to being idle and having to sit around with nothing to do made him feel like a worthless slug. He was accustomed to doing what a man was supposed to do—work hard and make a good living for his wife and the family they were planning to have.

Thinking about his stock-contracting business, he smiled. He was proud of the fact that he had started from scratch and built the Sugar Creek Rodeo Company to the level that he could retire right now without any worries for the rest of his days. But he wasn’t of a mind to do that. As Hank always said, everyone needed a purpose. Sam’s mission in life was to work hard so that Bria would never want for anything, never have to worry where money for their next meal would come from. Unlike what his biological father had done for his mother, Sam intended to see that his wife got whatever her heart desired.

As he looked around the room, he tried to remember the last time he had been home for more than a couple of days at a time. It was frustrating as hell not to recall even the simplest of memories, not to mention it was taking a big toll on his pride. Showing any kind of weakness never had been his style. But the fact that Bria was witness to his most recent limitations made the whole situation doubly humiliating.

He was supposed to be strong and capable—the man who took care of her, not the other way around. Unless he missed his guess, she was having just as hard of a time seeing him this way as he was of being the husband with some major limitations and no recent memories.

From the time she had come into the ICU to see him the night of the accident, Bria had been aloof, and their conversations, what few they’d had, were awkward at best. Had the fact that he had been hurt caused her to think of him as being inept? Or had she been there to see the bull run him down and was still traumatized by witnessing the accident?

He tried to think, but like everything else that had happened recently, he couldn’t remember. “Bria, could you come here a minute?”

When she walked in from the kitchen, she looked absolutely beautiful. A few strands of auburn hair had escaped the confines of her ponytail and her cheeks were delightfully pink from the heat of cooking supper.

“Is everything all right?” she asked, a look of concern in her pretty green eyes.

“I’m fine.” He gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “I was just wondering if you were at the rodeo. Did you see what happened?”

She nodded. “You were…distracted when the bull got loose. But I thought your brothers told you all about that while I was in town this afternoon.”

“They did.” Frowning, he shook his head. “I just can’t believe I was that careless. I’m normally real cautious around the bulls and especially that brindle. He’s as mean as a rattlesnake. Do you know what had my attention just before the accident happened?”

“They didn’t tell you?”

“No.”

He watched her take a deep breath before she looked down at her tightly clasped hands.

“I had just arrived and you were watching me.”

“That doesn’t sound like me. I never let myself get distracted while I’m working with livestock.” He ran his hand over the tension building at the back of his neck. “And normally when you come to one of the rodeos, you get there well before the events start, not when they’re almost over. Why were you running so late?”

“You know how bad traffic can be on I-35.” She glanced over her shoulder into the kitchen. “I really need to check on the spaghetti.”

“We’ll talk about it over supper,” he said, nodding.

When Bria disappeared into the kitchen, he was more confused than ever. Why had he been watching her instead of what he had been doing? And why did she seem so nervous about it? Did she somehow feel responsible for the accident? Was she feeling guilty?

That didn’t make any sense. It was his fault he hadn’t been paying attention, not hers.

When a dull pain suddenly reverberated through his head, Sam groaned and shut his eyes. A vision of Bria standing on the front porch with tears streaming down her face immediately flashed behind his closed eyes, then in a matter of seconds it disappeared along with the headache.

His eyes snapped open. Could that have actually happened during the past several months? A knot formed in the pit of his stomach. In all their years together, he could never remember seeing Bria look so unhappy, so filled with sadness. What could have possibly caused her to look as if her heart was breaking?

Over the past year or two, she had let it be known on more than one occasion that she would like him to be home with her more. But of all their arguments about the time he spent out on the road with the rodeo company, he could never remember her being that miserable. Had things between them escalated to that point? Or had something else happened to cause her such heartache and he just couldn’t remember?

Lost in his disturbing thoughts, it took a moment for Sam to realize Bria was standing beside his chair with her hand on his arm. “Sam, are you all right?”

“I…uh, yeah,” he said, not sure if the image had been a fragment of recovered memory or his imagination working overtime. Taking her by the hand, he pulled her down to sit on his lap. “I’m fine.”

“This isn’t a good idea, Sam.” She placed her hand on his chest as if she intended to get up, then stopped abruptly. “Something is wrong. Your heart is racing.”

Wrapping his arms around her waist, he kissed the tip of her nose. “You know that always happens when I’m close to you, sweetheart.”

He didn’t want to ask her about the vision just yet. Just the thought of Bria actually experiencing that kind of emotional pain was gut-wrenching.

“Do you feel like coming into the kitchen for dinner or would you rather I bring a tray in here for you?” she asked, her gaze not quite meeting his.

“What’s wrong, Bria?” he asked. “And don’t tell me ‘nothing.’ I know you well enough to tell when something is bothering you.”

“I…guess I’m just worried,” she said slowly, as if choosing her words carefully.

Bringing his hand up, he gently brushed a strand of auburn hair from her soft cheek. “I’m here. My muscles are still a little sore, but I’m okay—we’re okay. And once I convince the doctor to release me to go back to work, everything will be back to normal.”

Lowering his head, he started to cover her mouth with his, but to his surprise she pulled away from him and stood up. “Of course, everything will go back to the way it was. Why wouldn’t it?” Her eyes sparkled with anger. “You’ll go back to traveling from one rodeo to another with the livestock and I’ll—” She stopped abruptly, took a deep breath, then to his utter bewilderment, she smiled. “I’ll be just fine. Now, do you feel like coming into the kitchen to eat or do you want me to bring your supper to you in here?”

Sam frowned. “Bria, what’s going on?”

He had never known her to switch gears quite that fast. If he didn’t know her better, he would swear she was trying to hide something from him. But that didn’t make any sense. Their relationship had always been based on honesty and sharing whatever was on their minds. With the exception of his life before he and Nate entered the foster care system—a life filled with mistakes he never intended to share with her or anyone else—they knew everything about each other. There wasn’t a single thing he could think of that she might feel the need to keep from him.

“Don’t mind me. It’s been a long day and I’m tired, that’s all.” She motioned toward the kitchen. “But I do need to know where you want to eat. If you’d like to finish watching the news—”

“Kitchen,” he interrupted, slowly rising to his feet. “I wasn’t paying much attention to the news, anyway. Since I can’t remember what’s been going on in the world for the past six months, there isn’t a lot of it that makes sense right now.”

As he followed Bria, Sam couldn’t help smiling. Even after three years of marriage, he loved watching the sexy sway of her shapely backside. It never failed to cause his heart to pound and his temperature to rise. This evening she looked exceptionally appealing in her summery pink sundress with skinny little straps that kept falling off her shoulders.

His smile suddenly turned to an all-out grin. Although he wasn’t used to being idle and viewed taking off work as a complete waste, he had a feeling that his forced downtime might not be that bad after all. Bria had been after him for the past year or so to slow down and spend more time with her and he saw no reason why they couldn’t enjoy his unexpected vacation for as long as it lasted. In fact, it might be just what they needed to make the baby they had both been anticipating.

* * *

The moment Sam stepped up behind her where she stood at the sink, Bria felt a warm tingling sensation course from the top of her head all the way to her toes even before he wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her back against his solid frame. The chemistry between them had always been that way. Sam just had to walk into a room and all her senses went on high alert.

“Why aren’t you putting those in the dishwasher?” he asked, nodding toward the dishes she was washing. His warm breath feathering over the side of her neck sent a wave of longing straight through her.

She would have liked nothing better than to turn in his arms and have him kiss her until her knees gave way. But falling back into old habits now was not going to help her rebuild her life once Sam regained his memory and she left Sugar Creek Ranch for good. She needed to keep that uppermost in her mind.

Concentrating on the plate she was washing to keep from doing something she knew she would later regret, Bria shrugged. “Since Rosa is visiting her sister and no one’s been here for the past few days, there really weren’t enough dishes to warrant using the dishwasher. Besides, after we hired her to do the cooking and cleaning, the only time I get to be domestic is when one of the guys has a birthday and I make a celebratory dinner. I’ve missed doing things like cooking and washing a few dishes. It makes me feel useful and needed.”

“I can think of something a lot more fun for an after-dinner activity that will make you feel just as needed,” he said, his tone low and intimate. He brushed her long hair aside to slowly nibble kisses from just below her ear, down her neck to her bare shoulder. “Why don’t you put the rest of the dishes in the dishwasher and go upstairs with me. I can’t remember the last time I made love to you, but it feels like it’s been a while.”

She wasn’t certain if it was the temptation of once again being loved by Sam, of experiencing his tenderness and the mastery of his touch, or the fear that she wouldn’t be able to resist him, but Bria’s heart skipped erratically, then took off beating as if she had run a marathon. “I don’t think that would be in either of our best interests,” she said truthfully, pulling the thin strap of her sundress back on top of her shoulder.

He stopped his sensual assault and turned her to face him. “You want to explain that?”

The frown on his handsome face was a good indication that whatever explanation she came up with needed to be reasonable and something that he would have no trouble accepting. Thinking quickly, she smiled. “The doctor told both of us that you need to take it easy for a few more days. I’m going to see to it that’s exactly what you do.”

“Okay,” he said, his grin wicked. “I’ll just lie there and let you make love to me.”

Staring up at him, she was reminded of how things had been during the early days of their marriage—the playfulness, the inability to keep their hands off each other. That had been before the Sugar Creek Rodeo Company had become a resounding success and Sam had become obsessed with making it bigger and better than any of his competitors.

“I’ve got a better idea,” she said, turning back to the sink when he started to lower his head for a kiss. “Why don’t I finish the dishes and then we can go out onto the porch and watch the sunset together.”

“Seriously?” She could hear the frustration in his voice and knew that he wasn’t going to give up easily. “You’d rather watch the sun go down than to go upstairs and try to make a baby with me?”

Her chest tightened with the mention of the baby they had both wanted. He couldn’t remember and she couldn’t tell him that there had been a baby—a baby they had both wanted and that she had lost. Nor could she tell him how much his absence had affected her when she’d had the miscarriage.

“Sam, it’s not a good time—”

“Ah, so that’s what the deal is,” he said, his tone suddenly filled with understanding. “Why didn’t you just come out and tell me you’re having your period? You’ve never been shy about that with me before.”

She had intended to explain that it wasn’t a good time to discuss starting a family while he was recovering from the concussion, but his misconception would keep her from having to make excuses for at least a few more days. Besides, by not correcting his assumption, she wasn’t exactly lying to him. She knew he probably wouldn’t see it that way, but it really was best for both of them.

“I had other things on my mind,” she said evasively. Deciding it was time for a change of subject, she added, “I’ll be finished with the dishes in a few more minutes. Why don’t you go on out to the porch and get comfortable in the swing.”

“Since it looks like that’s the most excitement I’m going to have for the evening, I guess I might as well.” He kissed the side of her neck, then releasing her, started toward the back door. “Don’t be long.”

Bria waited until Sam had closed the kitchen door before resting her forearms on the edge of the sink to sag against it. By the time Sam regained his memory, she was going to be thoroughly exhausted from dancing around the truth, as well as fighting the temptation he posed. No matter how disillusioned and angry she had been with him over the past several months, no matter how many times she told herself that she couldn’t live with a man who was never there for her, she still wanted him.

Deciding that she was going to need reinforcement, she quickly finished washing the last of the dishes and walked into the study to pick up the phone. When her sister answered on the second ring, Bria said, “Mariah, I need your help. Get down to the ranch as soon as you can. And plan on staying a couple of days.”

* * *

“I thought you told me you’d only be a few minutes,” Sam said when Bria walked out onto the porch. “I was just about to come looking for you, sweetheart.”

Instead of sitting beside him on the swing as he thought she would, she walked over to stand by the porch rail. “I was on the phone with my sister.”

“How is Mariah?” Sam asked, unable to remember the last time he had seen his sister-in-law. Five years younger than Bria, the two sisters were as close as he and his brothers.

“She’s coming down from Amarillo for the weekend.” Bria turned to give him a smile. “She offered to help me make dinner for Jaron’s birthday.”

Sam wasn’t the least bit surprised that Mariah planned to attend the birthday dinner for his brother. Aside from the fact that the vivacious brunette attended all the birthday celebrations Bria arranged for him and his brothers, it was no secret that Mariah had a huge crush on Jaron. That his brother thought of her as off-limits because she was Bria’s sister and ten years younger than himself was no secret either.

“It’ll be good to see her again,” Sam said, meaning it. He liked his sister-in-law and thought she would be good for Jaron—help settle him down. But it wasn’t his place to interfere. That was Jaron’s business, and Hank had taught them all not to stick their noses in where they didn’t belong.

“Why don’t you come over here and sit down?” he asked when Bria continued to stand by the rail.

She hesitated a moment, then slowly walked over to lower herself onto the porch swing next to him. “You looked comfortable and I didn’t want to disturb you.”

Sam released a frustrated breath. “Dammit, Bria, that run-in with the brindle bull didn’t turn me into an invalid. I may still have a couple of aching muscles, but give me some credit. I’m made of stronger stuff than that.”

“I know, but—”

“But nothing,” he interrupted. He moved his outstretched arm from the back of the swing to put it around her shoulders and pull her to his side. “You’re my wife. This is where I want you and where you belong—right here in my arms.”

Lowering his head before she could find another lame excuse not to kiss him, Sam covered her soft lips with his and savored the sweet taste of the woman he cared for more than he ever dreamed was possible. At first she stiffened in his arms as if she meant to pull away from him, then, whimpering, she put her arms around his shoulders and kissed him back like a woman greeting her soldier returning home from war.

Not one to try solving the mysteries of a woman’s inner thoughts, Sam relegated her reaction to the back of his mind as he deepened the kiss. There would be plenty of time to ponder why Bria had been running hot and cold all day and why she was kissing him now with a desperation that robbed him of breath. At the moment, she was in his arms and that was all that mattered.

As he stroked her tongue with his, she tangled her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck and pressed herself closer. His body’s reaction was not only predictable, it was immediate. He was hotter than hell and aching to sink himself deep inside her in two seconds flat. But their timing was lousy. It wasn’t a good time for her and as much as he hated to admit it, he still wasn’t feeling a hundred percent. And he never gave her less than a hundred and ten percent of himself when they made love.

“Sweetheart…” he said, reluctantly breaking the kiss. He took a big gulp of much-needed air before he could continue. “I think we’d better slow this down just a little. You can’t make love right now and I’d really rather not have to freeze my ass off taking a cold shower.”

Bria blinked as if coming out of a trance, then quickly pushed herself away from him, jumped to her feet and started toward the door. “I can’t…do this,” she said, her voice cracking as if she was on the verge of tears. “It’s just not…going to work.”

Sam quickly got up to follow her and question her about what she had meant, but the moment he rose to his feet, a wave of dizziness swept over him, followed quickly by a sharp pain that seemed to ricochet inside his skull. Groaning, he sank back onto the wooden swing as an image crossed his mind of another time Bria had said those same words as she tearfully walked away from him.

“Sam, what’s wrong?” she asked, rushing back over to kneel in front of him.

“I’m just a little…dizzy,” he said, trying desperately to remember why she had been upset with him. But as quickly as the scrap of memory came to him, it was gone along with the wave of light-headedness and the pain in his head.

“I think it would be best for you to be in bed,” she said, lightly touching his cheek with her fingertips. “You’ve been up since I brought you home early this afternoon and you need to rest. You’re still weak from—”

“Dammit, Bria. I told you, I’m not some hothouse flower.” He knew she was concerned, but she couldn’t have made him feel more inadequate if she had tried.

“Please, let me help you to bed,” she pleaded. “If you won’t do it for yourself, then please do it for me—for my peace of mind.”

Sam could tell that she wasn’t going to give him a moment’s peace until he did what she wanted and, whether he liked it or not, he was exhausted. Not willing to verbally admit that he was giving in, he simply gave her a short nod and slowly rose to his feet.

She was only trying to do what she thought was best for him, and he appreciated that. But it didn’t help his pride one damn bit. A man wasn’t supposed to appear weak and frail in the eyes of his woman. His real father might have thrived on that sort of thing, but he didn’t. That Bria viewed him that way now was quite possibly the most humiliating thing that he had ever had to endure. And he vowed right then and there, if it was within his power to prevent it, it would never happen again.