His Marriage to Remember

Nine



“Are you sure you’re going to be all right?” Mariah asked, looking concerned.

“I’m going to be fine,” Bria said. “I just need a little time to come to terms with everything that’s happened and get myself back on track.”

“Are you sure that’s all this is?” Mariah’s expression was doubtful. “All you’ve wanted to do since you returned to Dallas is sleep.”

“It’s easier to sleep than to think about things.” Bria hoped her smile was encouraging. “But you didn’t stop by on your way down to Shady Grove to worry over me. Tell me about your new job and your move down there.”

Mariah brightened instantly and as she chattered on about her new job as the office manager of a medical clinic in the rural ranching community, Bria allowed her mind to wander. In the two weeks since leaving Sugar Creek Ranch all she seemed to be able to do was cry and sleep. She had chalked up her uncharacteristic behavior to the emotional upset she had suffered because of Sam’s duplicity, but the doctor she had seen just that morning had other ideas to explain her unusual fatigue and unstable emotions. She was pregnant.

How it was possible to already be experiencing some of the early symptoms of pregnancy was still a mystery to her, but the doctor had assured her that it wasn’t all that uncommon and the blood test he had run confirmed his diagnosis. Because of the night she had spent making love with Sam, she was going to have a baby—Sam’s baby.

But as happy as she was about having their child, she still had a hard time believing he would deceive her the way he had. It was true, he hadn’t lied to her. But by failing to tell her that he had regained his memory, he hadn’t exactly been truthful with her either.

“Bria, are you listening to me?” Mariah asked, frowning.

“I’m sorry,” Bria said, turning her attention back to her sister. “What were you saying?”

Mariah reached across the table to touch Bria’s hand. “I asked if you’ve heard from Sam.”

“No. We haven’t had any contact since I left the ranch.” She took a deep breath in an effort to ease the tightening in her chest. “Nate called to ask how I’m doing and to let me know that the neurologist had given Sam a clean bill of health and released him to go back to work, but that’s all I’ve heard.”

“I’m sure he’ll be in touch with you soon,” Mariah said, her tone sympathetic. “He’s never impressed me as being the kind of man who gives up so easily. Besides, I saw the way he looked at you at Jaron’s birthday dinner. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that Sam is still head over heels in love with you.”

Tears began to well up in Bria’s eyes as she shook her head. “There was never any doubt about our love, Mariah. But a marriage is more than two people caring deeply for each other. It’s sharing your entire life with that person—the good and the bad.” She swiped at her tears with the back of her hand. “Sam has never really done that with me. Maybe if he had, I’d be able to understand why he’s so driven and why he puts working ahead of our marriage.”

“I’m so sorry, Bria,” Mariah said, rising to her feet to come around the table to hug her. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“It’s not your fault.” She hugged her younger sister back. “This has been an extremely emotional time for me and it’s going to take a while to get my feet back under me again.”

Mariah nodded as she returned to her chair. “I understand completely. You’ve already been through breaking up with Sam once. Now you’re having to go through it all over again.” She wiped away a tear of her own. “That has to make it doubly hard to get through this now.”

“Don’t worry,” she said, smiling through her tears. “It’s going to be tough for a while, but I’ll get over it. I have to.”

Bria didn’t tell her sister that she had no other choice but to survive for the baby’s sake. She hadn’t told anyone about the pregnancy and even though she was still so very hurt and angry with Sam, she felt he should be the first one to know about the baby.

It saddened her to think that their child would have to be shuttled back and forth between his or her parents, but that couldn’t be helped. Sam had made his choice and she had made hers. All there was left to do now was to move forward and make the best of the situation for their child.

“I suppose I should get back on the road,” Mariah said, standing up. “I’d really like to get down to Shady Grove and unload the car before it’s too dark to see what I’m doing.”

“How big is the house you’ve rented?” Bria asked, following her sister to the door.

“You’ll have to come down for a weekend once I get settled in,” Mariah said, becoming animated. “It’s a cute little two-bedroom cottage just outside of town with a white picket fence around the yard and a swimming pool and hot tub off the back patio.”

“It sounds ideal for you.” She gave her sister a hug. “Let me know when you’re ready for company and I’ll drive down for a visit.”

“Absolutely,” Mariah said, hugging her back. Opening the door, her sister stopped dead in her tracks. “Oh, dear.”

“What’s wrong?” Bria asked, looking around Mariah to see what had startled her sister.

Bria’s heart came to a screeching halt, then took off as if she were running a race at the sight of Sam climbing the steps to her apartment. He was dressed as always in a chambray shirt, well-worn blue jeans, scuffed boots and his wide-brimmed black Resistol, but she didn’t think he had ever looked more handsome or sexy.

“Are you going to be okay with him being here?” Mariah whispered. “I can stay if you need me.”

“Don’t worry,” Bria said. “I’ll be fine. We need to discuss a few details about the divorce anyway and now is as good a time as any to get that done.”

* * *

“Hi…Sam,” Mariah said, sounding a bit hesitant.

“Mariah.” Sam nodded at his sister-in-law, but his eyes never left the woman standing just behind her.

“I, uh, have to go.” He watched Mariah turn to glance at Bria.

“You have a safe trip and call or text me when you get to Shady Grove so that I’ll know you made it all right,” Bria said calmly.

“I will,” Mariah assured her. “Good luck, Sam,” Mariah mouthed silently as she walked past him to descend the stairs to the apartment-complex parking area.

He smiled and gave the pretty brunette a short nod of understanding, then focused on Bria. She looked good. Damn good. It had been two weeks since she left the ranch and seeing her now was food for his soul.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call,” he said when he reached the landing and came to stand in front of her. They stared at each other for a moment before he asked, “Is this a good time for you?”

She hadn’t moved from the open doorway and he wasn’t entirely sure she was going to invite him in. As she stared at him for several more long, agonizing seconds, he thought she was going to refuse, but finally nodding, she stepped back for him to enter the small apartment.

“I do need to talk to you about changing some of the terms in the divorce papers,” she said, leading the way to the living room.

Looking around, Sam noticed the pictures that used to hang on the wall by the staircase at the ranch house. They were all there—pictures of his brothers and her family—except their wedding picture. It was conspicuously absent from the collection. He briefly wondered where she had put it, but that was secondary to his main concern. He had to find a way to get her to give him one more chance. And this time he was determined to get it right.

“This seems like a fairly nice place,” he said politely. He didn’t mean a word of it. It wasn’t their ranch house where she belonged.

“It’s a little small, but I don’t need a lot of room,” she said, motioning for him to sit down on the couch.

Sam took a large folded envelope from his hip pocket and lowered himself to the cushions while she settled herself in a chair across the coffee table from him. Neither spoke, and he hated the awkwardness between them.

“Here are the signed papers,” he finally said, placing the envelope on the coffee table. “Getting a divorce isn’t what I want now any more than I did three and a half months ago.” He took a deep breath. “But I love you too much to stand in the way of you being happy, sweetheart.” He looked directly into her eyes and hoped she recognized the truth in his words. “I swear, your happiness is all I’ve ever wanted, Bria.”

“But I wasn’t happy, Sam.” He watched her capture her lower lip between her teeth to keep it from trembling a moment before she added, “You gave me everything you thought I wanted—clothes, the house, jewelry. I appreciated them, but none of those things meant as much to me as being with you. All I ever wanted was you, but you were never there with me and I got tired of being alone.”

He noticed that she hadn’t reached for the papers and hoped that was a good sign. Maybe she wasn’t as anxious to be rid of him as he had first thought.

He sat forward and, propping his forearms on his knees, stared down at his loosely clasped hands. “I realize now just how hard it must have been on you with me being gone all the time and I’m sorry for that.”

“Yes, it was hard,” she agreed. “I wanted my husband to want to be with me more than he wanted to be with his livestock.”

Sam knew that now would be the time to explain why he was so driven to succeed, why he felt compelled to work hard to give her everything her heart desired. But it wasn’t going to be easy for him. He had left that life behind when the state removed him and Nate from the house their father had abandoned them in some eighteen years ago and he wasn’t in the habit of looking back.

He had never been the nervous type, but his entire life seemed to hinge on what he was about to say and it was tying him in knots. “My mother died from a massive stroke when I was twelve and Nate was ten,” he said, not quite sure where else to start.

“I’m so sorry, Sam,” Bria said, her voice filled with compassion. “That must have been terribly hard for you and Nate.”

For the first time in years, Sam allowed himself to think about the hurt and abandonment he had felt when his mother passed. He damn near choked on the emotion and, pushing it to the back of his mind, cleared his throat in order to continue.

“She sometimes worked two jobs to keep a roof over our heads and food in our mouths,” he said, hating that he hadn’t been old enough to help her.

“Where was…your father?” Bria asked quietly.

Sam clenched his jaw so hard, he was surprised his teeth didn’t crumble from the pressure. “The son of a bitch sat flat on his ass and watched her work herself to death.”

Her soft gasp seemed to echo throughout the small room, and he wasn’t certain if she was shocked at Joe Rafferty’s laziness or the anger in his tone. “That’s why you work so hard and never took time off unless you were forced to, isn’t it?” she asked.

Unable to sit still any longer, Sam nodded and stood up to prowl the room. “I was determined when we got married not to be anything like my father. I wasn’t going to sit back and watch my wife struggle to support us like he did with my mother. I wanted to make sure that I could provide the best life possible for you and the family we wanted to have.”

She looked confused. “Why didn’t you explain this to me all those times I asked why you were working so hard? Didn’t you think I would understand that not wanting to be like your father was what motivated you?” She shook her head. “All you would ever tell me was that you were working to ensure our future and that you wanted me to have nice things.”

In hindsight, he realized that it would have saved them both a lot of heartache if he had told her about his childhood up front. But once he had been removed from the situation, it wasn’t something that he cared to revisit.

“I guess I figured that if I told you about my situation as a kid, you’d know you married a man that wasn’t nearly good enough for you.”

“Sam Rafferty, don’t ever let me hear you say something like that about yourself again,” she said forcefully. “You’re a good man. No one works harder or has more ambition than you.”

He shrugged. “I think you’d better hold that opinion until I finish telling you what led me and Nate to become wards of the state.”

“I can’t see that it will change my mind about you, but go ahead,” she encouraged. “I’m listening.”

“Everything was okay while Mom was alive. We didn’t have much, but she somehow managed to provide the necessities. But after she died, more times than not when we came home from school, there wasn’t anything in the house to eat and the old man was nowhere to be found.” He took a deep breath in order to tell her the rest. “So we started shoplifting food from a little market in the neighborhood.”

“You were twelve years old and hungry, Sam,” she said gently. “You did what you had to do to survive.”

“It still wasn’t right.” He shook his head. “But that wasn’t the worst of it.” Running his hand across the back of his neck to ease the building tension, he continued, “We found a gun the old man had stashed away on a closet shelf, and at first we only carried it in case someone tried to stop us from taking the food we needed. We figured all we would have to do is point it at them and they’d let us go. By the time I turned fifteen, the old man had disappeared completely and we had graduated to robbing stores at gunpoint in order to pay the rent and keep from having to sleep in the streets.”

“Oh, my God, Sam!” The shocked expression on her pretty face just about tore him apart. It was the look he expected, but it didn’t make it any easier for him to see. “Is that why you were sent to Hank Calvert’s ranch?”

He nodded. “Nate had tried robbing a convenience store on his own and it didn’t go well. He got away, but detectives had been watching us for several weeks and knew we were the ones they were looking for. When they found us, I told them I was the one who pulled the robbery.”

“Why?” she asked, frowning.

“Fifteen-year-old boys don’t think things through,” he said, smiling sardonically. “I got it in my head that if the police thought I had acted alone, they would let Nate go.”

“But they knew you were both involved,” she guessed.

He nodded. “They had enough evidence from the previous robberies that had we been of age, they would have locked us up and thrown away the key.”

“What kept you out of juvenile detention?” she asked, clearly surprised that they hadn’t been sent there to begin with.

“We were assigned a children’s advocate who took the time to find out about our mom dying and the old man abandoning us. I don’t know whether it was out of pity or if she recognized that we had only been trying to survive, but she worked a miracle.” Sam shook his head. “I don’t know how she did it, but she made a deal with the D.A. to have us both sent to the Last Chance Ranch and the judge went along with it.”

Sam would forever be grateful to the overworked, underpaid civil-service worker. The woman had spared him and Nate from being sent into an environment that might have hardened them beyond redemption, as well as saving them from themselves.

“You might have started down the wrong path, but Hank turned you and Nate around,” Bria pointed out.

“Hank helped us realize that the life we were leading wasn’t what our mother would have wanted for us.”

“What gave you the idea I wouldn’t understand about your childhood, Sam?”

“Pride, I guess.”

Bria could tell that Sam was ashamed of his past and would just as soon forget that it ever happened. But he had to understand that he was the man he was today because of it.

“You and Nate have both risen above your problems,” she said, choosing her words carefully. “No matter what happened when you were younger, you grew up to be honest, hardworking men. Good men.”

She watched him take a deep breath. “This isn’t easy for me to say, but I guess I’ve always been afraid I’d revert to the kind of no-good man my father was if I didn’t keep my nose to the grindstone.”

“Oh, Sam, that’s the last thing you would do,” she said, shaking her head. “That’s not who you are.”

Bria wanted to go to him, wanted to wrap her arms around him and erase all the hurt and disillusionment that he had experienced during his youth. But she didn’t dare. Although she understood now why he was so driven to succeed, it didn’t mean he was willing to abandon being a workaholic.

“There’s something else you need to know,” he said, walking back over to sit down on the couch.

“What’s that?” she asked, wondering what other injustices he might have suffered as a boy.

“The reason I have a hard time accepting that you want to do things for me is because I don’t want you to see me any other way but strong and capable,” he said hesitantly. “A man who can take care of you, not a weak, useless excuse for a human being.”

“Dear God, Sam, why would you think I would see you any other way?” she asked, confused.

“I guess when that’s all you heard for as long as you can remember, you start to believe it,” he said, shrugging.

She caught her breath as she began to understand. “Your father was…abusive.”

When Sam raised his eyes to meet hers, he nodded. “He wasn’t physically abusive, but verbally, he really did a number on me. Most of the time he ignored me and Nate as if we didn’t exist. But when he did say something to us, it was never anything positive. If we heard how worthless and pathetic we were once, we heard it a thousand times—usually when we were taking our mother’s attention away from him.”

Anger filled Bria at the thought of anyone talking that way to a child. But for his father to have spoken that way to Sam was almost more than she could bear.

“Your father was the one who was weak, Sam. He tried to build himself up by bringing you down.”

“I know that now,” he said, smiling sadly. “But having it drilled into you from the time you’re old enough to listen has a lasting effect.” He seemed to take an inordinate interest in his boots a moment before he lifted his gaze to meet hers. “That’s why I failed you when you needed me the most, sweetheart.”

Bria sucked in a sharp breath. “You mean when I lost the baby.”

For the first time since she had known him, he allowed her to see the deep sadness and emotional pain in the depths of his dark blue eyes. “I didn’t come home right away because I couldn’t,” he said. “I couldn’t let you see how much your losing the baby affected me.”

Tears filled her eyes. “But I needed you, Sam. I needed you to share the grief and disappointment I was going through—that we were both going through.”

He closed his eyes and the sight of a lone tear slowly making its way down his lean cheek almost tore her heart out. Sam had been just as hurt by the miscarriage as she had been, but because he feared that he would appear weak, he had chosen to bottle up his emotions and act as if nothing had happened.

Before she could get out of the chair and go to him, he cleared his throat, got to his feet and started toward the door. “I’m sorry I failed you, Bria. Whatever else you want in the divorce, just have the lawyer draw up the necessary papers and I’ll sign them.”

“No.”

Stopping, he turned to face her. She had never seen him look more miserable.

“What does that mean?” he asked, his voice rough.

Bria rose from the chair and walked over to stand in front of him. “No, you didn’t fail me, Sam.”

“How the hell do you figure that?” he asked, frowning. “I wasn’t around when you lost the baby and I was too big of a coward to come home to face the emotions we were both going through.”

She placed her hand on his arm. “Sam, I think we failed each other.”

“Don’t say that, sweetheart.” He shook his head. “I couldn’t have asked for a better wife.”

“Yes, you could.” She swiped at the tears running down her cheeks. “I knew you had problems when you were younger and should have realized that you had to build a lot of walls to protect yourself. And instead of whining about you never being home with me, I should have understood when you said you worked so hard because you were trying to be a good husband.”

“That’s no excuse for me not sharing my past with you, for me not being with you when you lost the baby,” he said stubbornly. “I’ll never forgive myself for being such a damn coward.”

“Oh, Sam, just shut up and hold me,” she said, wrapping her arms around his waist and laying her head against his wide chest. Maybe if she could convince him that she forgave him, one day he would be able to forgive himself.

When he didn’t immediately take her into his arms, she leaned back to look up at him. “Sam?”

“I can’t put my arms around you, Bria.”

“Why not?”

“Because if I do, I’ll never be able—” he stopped to clear his throat and she knew he was once again fighting a wave of strong emotion “—to let you go.”

Bria knew they had reached a crossroad. She could either continue with the divorce and be miserable without the man she loved for the rest of her life or accept things for the way they were and live with the man who had stolen her heart the moment they met.

“I don’t want you to ever let me go,” she said, knowing in her soul that she had chosen the right path. “I want you to hold me forever, Sam.”

He immediately wrapped his arms around her and crushed her to him. “I don’t deserve you, Bria. But I give you my word that every single minute of every day for the rest of my life, I’ll do my damnedest to prove to you how much I love you and how grateful I am that you’re my wife.”

When he lowered his head to capture her lips with his, Bria’s heart soared. There was so much love and emotion in his kiss that it left her breathless.

“I have something I need to tell you,” she said when he finally broke the kiss.

“You can tell me anything, sweetheart.” He kissed her forehead. “You know everything about me now and I give you my word, there won’t be any more secrets between us.”

“I have a secret that I need to confess,” she said, glancing up at him. “It appears that you got your wish.”

Bewilderment crossed his handsome face. “Would you like to clarify that?”

“Before I left the ranch that morning, you said that you might have made me pregnant,” she said, smiling. “You got your wish.”

His confused expression quickly turned into a wide grin. “Really?”

She nodded. “I went to the doctor this morning because I wasn’t feeling quite right.”

“Are you okay? There isn’t a problem, is there?” His concern was endearing.

“No problems,” she assured him. “I’m just sleepy all the time and my emotions are a little unpredictable.”

“But you’re okay?”

“I’m wonderful,” she said, kissing his chin. “I’m going to have a baby. Our baby.”

She let out a startled squeak when he swung her up in his arms and carried her over to sit down on the couch. Settling her on his lap, he held her close.

“This is a new beginning for us, Bria. A second chance.” He gave her a smile that sent a shiver of anticipation straight up her spine. “I think we should do something to mark the occasion.”

“What did you have in mind?” she asked, loving him more with each passing second.

“I think we should do that vow-renewal thing,” he said, looking thoughtful. “Then we can throw a big party and let everyone help us celebrate.”

“I love that idea,” she agreed. “But we’ll have to start making plans well in advance in order for you to take the time off from being on the road with the rodeo company.”

“We won’t have to worry about that.” The love in his blue gaze caused a spark of hope to ignite in her chest. “I did a lot of soul-searching this past couple of weeks and found that being gone all the time isn’t what I want any more than you do. I’m coming off the road and going to manage everything from the ranch.” He smiled. “I’ll be around so much, you’ll probably start complaining about me being underfoot all the time.”

“Never. Oh, Sam, I love you so much,” she said, throwing her arms around his neck.

“And I love you, sweetheart.” He kissed her until they both gasped for air. “Now let’s get down to planning this shindig. I want to make you mine.”

“I’m already yours,” she promised. “And you’re mine.”

“For the rest of our lives,” he said.