“Sam ever tell you why me and her clicked the way we did?” Terrell asked.
I thought back several months when I drove to the campus just to see what was up between them. “She told me something about reminding you of your sister I think.
He nodded. “Yeah, she does….a lot. Even Maisha sees the resemblance.”
“You two close? You and your sister?”
There was a distant look in Terrell’s eyes that I didn’t know how to read. I waited almost half a minute for him to respond with, “We were.”
Were?
Terrell’s expression went blank as his gaze shifted down to the table. “She passed away a few years ago,” he admitted solemnly, sadness filling his expression. “Her and Maisha were best friends; that’s how we ended up together. She was broken. I was broken. We just sort of bonded while we were trying to pick up the pieces.”
I shook my head. “I had no idea.”
“Sam doesn’t even know. It was like seeing a ghost when I saw her walking down the hall the day she moved in, though. Instantly, I just felt this overwhelming need to protect her….the way I didn’t have a chance to protect my sister.”
I wondered what he meant by that, but I wouldn’t dare ask such a personal question.
“Suicide,” he exhaled, fidgeting with his glass. “I came home one night and found her in the bathroom; I got there too late.” Terrell’s eyes shifted out the window, staring at the world outside. “Apparently, she’d been going through some things that she didn’t even share with Maisha until the night she took her life. Looking back, we both think that was her way of explaining to us why she was getting ready to take such drastic measures.”
Now I understood what drew him to Sam. On some level, she gave him a way to have his sister back.
Terrell realized that he’d zoned out and came back to the present conversation. “My bad; I didn’t mean to make the conversation about me,” he said, smiling a little.
“No, it’s cool, man. Seriously. I’m sorry to hear about your sister, though. I can’t even imagine.”
Terrell nodded and then reached for the bill before I could when the waitress brought it. “Nah, it’s on me. You needed to get out and get some fresh air,” he reasoned.
I nodded and didn’t fight him. Apparently we were something like friends now anyway.
My roommate was already asleep when I finally made it back in, so I left the light off and assumed my usual post by the window, occasionally checking to see if I could catch Sam coming up the walkway toward her building. When four o’clock rolled around and she still wasn’t back, all types of thoughts were going through my head – thoughts of her being with some other guy and what they could possibly still be doing at this hour. My hands could practically feel the smooth warmth of her skin as I reminisced about the way I used to touch her. The surge of anger that rolled down my spine caused me to pace as my thoughts shifted to images of some other guys hands on her like that. I couldn’t help but to feel like her body was my own personal possession, because before me, it hadn’t belonged to anyone else. I finally gave up waiting for her to come back, climbing into bed angry and frustrated. Where the hell was she?
*****
Sam