I shrugged. “I guess it would be if I was gonna be there alone, but I’ll have Angel.”
With that, it was settled. If Aunt Lisa and Uncle Todd agreed, I’d be New York bound, and headed toward a much needed clean slate. I smiled at my mother weakly so she’d think that this move was what I really wanted, but, in all honesty……
*****
AJ
Terrell shook his head, not understanding why I wouldn’t go see Sam, knowing that after this, I might not be able to find her.
“Come on, man…I’ll walk with you,” he offered.
I let out a short laugh. “I’m not afraid of her; I just don’t wanna see her.”
He still didn’t get it. “She’s loading up the last box as we speak, though. I get that you don’t like how she’s handling this, but…” his expression was telling of how he felt about her leaving, too. “…what if you don’t get another chance?” He asked.
I shrugged, standing at the window with my arms folded over my chest. Mr. Kelley walked from the dorm with a couple of Sam’s paintings in tow. I heard Terrell loud and clear, but I couldn’t make myself go down there and tell the one woman I’d ever really love ‘goodbye’, especially when I felt like her leaving was dead wrong. I’d never done anything but love her, yet, that wasn’t enough to keep her here. I couldn’t help but to feel like it should’ve been.
Terrell stood beside me and watched as Sam came out and stood on the steps of her building.
“It’s now or never,” he announced.
She was absolutely beautiful. I’d fallen in love with that face, that body, her mind, all of it the first time she opened her mouth to speak to me that day in the hall – even though she was cussing me out for running into her. And now she was just gonna walk away, convincing herself that it was all bad, when I knew that to be a bold-faced lie. We were good together whether she still wanted to admit that or not. And wherever the wind carried her, she’d realize that one day, and as much as I hate to admit it…I’d probably still be waiting with open arms.
“I’m good, man. You go ahead and say your goodbyes,” I finally replied.
Terrell shrugged again, sighing as he left my room and jogged down to catch Sam before she got on the road, headed for some destination that was probably public knowledge for everyone but me.
There was a bittersweet feeling that came over me as I watched her. She’d been the person who’d loved me the most, and now the person who’d hurt me the most – a contrast that I couldn’t quite process.
Terrell released her and they talked in the courtyard for a few minutes. They hugged once again, and then Terrell was headed back toward his dorm. As if she could feel me watching her, Sam turned and found me standing there in the window, staring, wondering how long it would take her to regret this. Something about the way she looked at me led me to wonder if maybe she already did.
I couldn’t stand there and watch her drive off. With her eyes still fixed on my window, I closed the blinds and plopped down on my bed, refusing to let her get to me. The decision had been made already so there was no point in prolonging it.
I hit the ‘power’ button on the stereo remote and closed my eyes, letting the lyrics of the song take up all the empty space inside my head so I wouldn’t think about her. It wasn’t like it’d change anything anyway.
Three soft knocks at the door made my eyes reopen, but I didn’t move or answer. Without me inviting her inside, Sam turned the knob and peeked her head inside my room.
“I wasn’t gonna bother you, but –“
“Then maybe you shouldn’t have,” I snapped, closing my eyes again. Across the room, I could hear her footsteps as she came all the way in and closed the door.