Jason called my name several times, gathering the attention of other patrons as I made my exit. The tears streaming down my face probably only made the scene more dramatic. I jumped in the first cab I saw and told the driver my address. Just as we were pulling off, Jason rushed outside and spotted me. Luckily, the driver had already taken off, leaving Jason standing there on the sidewalk with his hands in the air as I watched him from the rear window.
I forced myself to stop crying and turned back to face forward, upset about too many things to lay more blame on one situation than the others. As far as the Jason situation, while it hurt to end things, I was positive I’d done the right thing. There was no quick resolution to his family situation and I couldn’t get wrapped up in that. However, I couldn’t help but to hang on every word he’d spoken in regards to me being callous toward him in our relationship. Thinking about it, I tightened my arms over my chest. Was I progressing more slowly than I realized? Was I really still as damaged as he’d just made me feel like I was?
I paid the driver and walked to my building with my keys already in hand. When I made it up the stairs and to my door, Jason’s words were still playing on a loop in the back of my head like a broken record…’cold and emotionally unavailable’…apparently that’s who I was.
The door slammed behind me when I entered my apartment and dropped my purse on the table. Looking around at the bare walls – void of pictures and decorations – a wave of emptiness filled my senses and a chill ran down my spine. Feeling myself getting ready to spiral, I shook it off and refused to go there.
Instead of falling on the couch and staying there all weekend like I wanted to, I went to the bathroom and ran myself a bath as hot as I could stand it. I emptied the rest of my lavender bubble-bath into the water and lit every candle that I could find. After stripping down, I climbed in while steam continued to rise from the faucet. Sinking beneath the water, I inhaled the calming lavender aroma and felt some of the tension leave immediately; however, I knew this would only be a temporary fix. I’d have to find plenty to do this weekend to keep my mind off of my breakup with Jason….and off the hurtful things he’d said to me in the process.
The sound of my phone sounding off prompted an eye roll. My first thought was that it was Jason calling to apologize and lie again about not meaning the things he’d said. However, seeing AJ’s name on the screen canceled out the frustration and replaced it with excitement.
“Hello?”
“Busy?” He asked.
I sat up in the tub and leaned on my towel that hung over the edge. “Not especially. Just got home not too long ago.”
“I’m just getting off work myself.”
I smiled, wondering if I was the first call he’d made after leaving his office. “That’s right, you did say you’d be working late tonight. How’d that go?”
“Terrible,” he replied with a chuckle. “But better now that it’s over….and now that I’m talking to you,” he added.
My heart fluttered and I smiled. “Don’t start.”
“Start what?” he asked, feigning innocence.
“Flirting on the sly.”
He laughed and so did I. “What can I say? Old habits die hard.”
He wasn’t lying about that. I’d stopped myself several times from doing and saying inappropriate things while in his presence.
“So, I’m thinking about checking out this Italian restaurant I found today. Feel like hanging out for a while?” he asked.
I looked around at all my candles and wiggled my toes beneath the water. “Umm…right now?” Honestly, I dreaded the idea of abandoning my bath so soon, but I would do it in a heartbeat if it meant I’d get to see him.
“Well…I was gonna go home and grab my car first, then I’d come pick you up.”
When I hesitated, he spoke again, trying to sound indifferent. “If you don’t really feel like hanging out, it’s cool.”
“No, it’s not that,” I quickly interjected. “I was just…I’m in the tub and I-“
“Hmm,” he mumbled in the middle of my sentence, bringing a smile to my face with the way he said it.
“What’s that mean?” I asked.