What the hell was he thinking coming here? Didn’t he know how bad this was?
Twice, I doubled back, thinking I should put clothes on first. Deciding not to leave him standing out there, I just re-secured my towel over my chest and crossed the living room. I snatched my ponytail-holder from my hair and shook out what was left of my curls – the few that my long workday and the steam from my bath hadn’t ravaged. My fingers lingered on the knob and my thoughts ranged from ‘leave the door closed and send him home – he’s engaged’ to ‘why the hell isn’t he already in your bed?’ I shivered and chewed my lip nervously as I opened the door and stared into the eyes of the one man who’d always been able to peel away my inhibitions and make me do his bidding.
There he was, hands braced at either side of the doorframe, looking like he’d just stepped off somebody’s runway right before heading over here to see me. My eyes trailed from the tie hanging loosely around his neck to that smile that’d been my undoing since I was a young, unsuspecting, teenage girl. This man was the embodiment of sex and I felt my legs getting ready to give way just at the sight of him.
I pressed the ‘end’ button on our call when I realized that I was still holding the phone to my ear and then the next sound I heard was that of my cell hitting the floor and my bedazzled case shattering to pieces. My hands were on top of AJ’s when he gripped the sides of my face and touched his lips to mine, kicking the broken case aside and only pulling his hand away long enough to slam my door shut behind him. His tongue wandered inside my mouth as a white-hot flame of lust stole every ounce of oxygen from the room.
I couldn’t breathe.
…didn’t want to.
All I needed to survive was this kiss.
My lips were his and he took them like he knew this to be a fact. I noticed that his hands were trembling despite how sure he seemed about being here…about kissing me. As badly as I’d wished I could just be in the moment, I couldn’t help but to think of all he was risking, all he’d built since I tore his world apart in the past. I reclaimed an ounce of the strength he’d stolen from me and pressed my hands to his chest, creating a few inches of space between us.
“What’re you doing?” I asked, breathless, staring at his lips through the darkness. I wanted more, but my subconscious was too loud to ignore.
His eyes shifted as he searched for an excuse for his actions, still clasping my cheeks in his hands. The truth is, there was no excuse – not one that made what we were doing okay. AJ was simply overtaken by the same energy, the same magnetism that I’d been fighting since we reconnected at the wedding. I watched him, my hands still braced against his chest.
When he breathed the words, “Kissing you,” I’d nearly forgotten the question I asked only a few seconds ago.
Remembering, I blinked several times and refocused. “I mean, I know that, but…what about-“
“Don’t say it,” he uttered softly, running his thumb over my dampened lips right before I would’ve slipped and said Kira’s name. “You want me to stop?” he asked.
‘No, don’t stop! I want this. I want you!’ was what I wanted to stay, but instead, I lied. “I just don’t think this is a good idea.” The words sounded so weak and flimsy leaving my mouth that even I didn’t believe them, but I was trying with all my might to do what I thought was best for him…not me.
Sure, he wanted this right now, but I wasn’t positive that regret and resentment wouldn’t be awaiting us when this was all over.