He continued to linger despite the fact that we’d already said our goodbyes. “You know what? I’m just gonna do it,” he announced just before leaning in and taking me into his arms. My chin rested on his shoulder when he stooped a little to hug me. I wasn’t sure where my hands should go. Was around his waist more appropriate than around his neck? I gave up trying to figure out the logistics and just draped them around his neck like I always had – back when he was mine.
I tried like you’d never believe not to get caught up in the feel of him holding me, but this was different than when he’d consoled me on the street the night before. This felt real. Felt…right. My chest pressed against his and I knew that I should let him go…but I couldn’t. Before I realized what I was doing, my fingers made their way into the back of his silken, black hair. His face was warm against mine and I imagined his lips were ten times hotter.
When I backed off suddenly, the look on AJ’s face led me to believe that he already knew why. If I hadn’t, this would’ve turned into a replay of the dance floor at Terrell and Maisha’s wedding reception. And with no one here to stop us this time…..
I took a couple steps back and folded my arms over my chest. “It was um…nice having you over,” I said softly.
He took a deep breath and nodded. “We’ll have to do it again sometime.”
I nodded too and smiled tensely. When AJ turned to walk away, twice I almost called him back just to see what would happen if I did. But then I remembered everything – Jason, Kira, what I’d done to AJ in the past – and I quietly eased back inside my apartment and closed the door, knowing that I had no right to feel what I was starting to feel for him. As badly as I wanted to, I couldn’t let myself think that we could just turn back the hands of time. There was no way to erase what’d happened or the fact that we’d both moved on.
Hadn’t I sealed our fate five years ago when I left Charleston? I’d taken the pen right out of AJ’s hand and carelessly butchered our final chapter myself….one heartbreaking word at a time.
Leaning against the door, I repeated the words “You can’t have him,” to myself again, but this time…I admittedly believed it a little less than I did before.
Chapter Fourteen
Sam
Sitting in the back of the cab, I had my shoe off and on the seat while I rubbed my sore, tired feet on the way to meet Jason. Work was hell, but I wasn’t about to cancel on him. I had mixed feelings about hearing what he had to say – especially after the night I’d had with AJ roughly twenty-four hours ago. On the one hand, I was still thunderstruck by Jason’s secret, but on the other I was reminded of how much we’d been through together, how he’d put up with my quirks, loving me despite my hang-ups. Call me crazy, but I had a soft spot for him. Not many men could love a woman as broken as I was when we got together.
Before Jason, I hadn’t been with a guy period since AJ, let alone been in a relationship. But then I met him and he made me want to try again. It was those same feelings that made me fall for him in the first place that had me walking through the doors of a crowded lounge instead of the door to my apartment.
I could see clear to the back from the entrance. There he sat, nervously swirling the drink in his glass as I approached the table. When he saw me coming, he hopped to his feet and pulled out my chair. His weary expression caught my attention as we embraced and I lingered there in his arms for a while. Had I missed him? Yes, absolutely. However, I now felt like I was hugging a stranger considering the fact that there was a whole side to him that I didn’t even know about until a short time ago.
Kissing my cheek, Jason finally released me and took his seat again. “I’m glad you came,” he said, staring at me intently from across the table.
I nodded, but didn’t say a word.
He reached to clutch my hand in his. “I’ve missed you so much. You have no idea.”
“I’ve missed you too,” I admitted freely. “But I have to be real with you, Jason, I’m not sure where we stand right now.”
His expression went slack.