He accepted his glass and took a sip while I reclaimed my seat beside him. I put my feet back on the ottoman and was getting ready to drink when AJ’s phone sounded off. My eyes shifted to him and then back down to my glass.
He stared at the screen and deliberated about whether or not to answer for so long that I knew who it was without even having to ask – Kira. I was just getting ready to tell him that he could take the call in my bedroom if he needed privacy, but he answered too quickly for me to get the words out.
“Hey,” he said, sounding far calmer than I would have in his situation. I mean, granted, we weren’t doing anything wrong, but still; I was pretty sure Kira wouldn’t approve of us hanging out.
With the volume on AJ’s phone relatively high, I heard Kira’s response to AJ’s greeting without having to strain. “Hey! Still at work?” She asked.
“Yeah….I’ll probably be stuck here for another couple hours,” he lied. I couldn’t help but to turn and stare at him full-on now. When our eyes locked for a brief moment, he quickly dropped his gaze to the floor.
Trying my best to give him some privacy, I turned away and sipped more of my wine. He and Kira exchanged a few more words before she let him go and then the two of us were plunged into silence. I didn’t even look over in his direction.
“Sorry about that,” he said with a sigh, leaning forward to place his phone on the coffee table.
“No big deal,” I answered, waving him off casually.
But it kind of was…
My eyes were fixed intently on him, thinking about the way he just had to lie to even do something as innocent as sit on my couch and have a conversation. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. I mean, yeah, it seemed like the stars had aligned to get us to this point, but thinking about it left me feeling somewhat torn. I was pretty sure that, like me, AJ had no intention for anything physical going down between us; however, Kira would never believe that and I didn’t want AJ to ruin his relationship because of me. After the things I’d done in the past, the way I broke his heart, I didn’t have a right to interfere with his shot at happiness.
When I set my glass down, I had AJ’s full attention – maybe the look on my face alerted him that something was wrong. I started my sentence a couple times and had to stop. I absolutely did not want him to leave…but it wasn’t about me.
I cleared my throat one final time and just blurted it out. “Are you sure it’s okay that you’re here with me?” I paused while he shot me a bewildered look. “You’re risking a lot, and I’m not sure if kicking it with me over expensive wine and store-bought dinner rolls is worth it,” I added with a nervous laugh.
The silence that followed my statement was deafening. AJ stared for a few seconds and took a deep breath when he looked down at the floor.
“To be completely honest, I’m not exactly sure what I’m doing here tonight, or why I came to see you yesterday, or why I even asked you to call,” he admitted.
I held my breath while he organized his thoughts.
He shook his head and his expression became hard to read. “I know what’s at stake, Sam, but I’m here anyway,” he stated clearly. “And I think that says it all.”
It absolutely did.
He took a while to speak again and I got lost in my thoughts while I waited. “I’ve never forgotten what it was like – being with you, spending time with you…..loving you.” He paused again and stared at the floor when he continued. “Call me crazy, but I miss it all. For some reason, no matter how hard I’ve tried, no matter how wrong I know it is, or what I know I’m in danger of losing…I can’t seem to make myself stop wanting to be around you.”
My limbs went numb and if I’d still been holding my glass of wine, I would’ve certainly dropped it after hearing that. “Wow,” I said under my breath. That was the only word I could think to say.
“Am I making you uncomfortable?” He asked.
He was, but not in a bad way. A cool sheen of sweat broke out on my face and I had to cross my legs tight to quench the tingly sensation that AJ’s words had induced. “No, I’m not uncomfortable, just surprised.”