Nervous, I fidgeted with my nails. My heart was still racing from the close call. “I’ll be ready soon. Just……just not today,” I added.
Antonio smiled and leaned his head against the back of the couch. “Sam, you don’t have to rush for me. I just…..I guess I just thought…… Nothing,” he finally concluded.
He seemed to be lost in his thoughts so I didn’t bother asking what he was going to say. Instead of continuing to talk about it, I leaned into his side and we sat there in silence, listening to the music that lulled from the radio.
At 2:00 we headed back to school with enough time for me to get to my car without anyone spotting us together. I kissed Antonio once before getting out of his truck, still feeling a little embarrassed for rejecting him earlier.
When I reached my house, I sat there with the engine running and my hands still on the steering wheel. Now, the awkward encounter was at the back of my mind; thoughts of Antonio admitting his true feelings to me were at the forefront. He loved me. I think deep down I already knew this, but it was different now that he’d confirmed it. I smiled to myself before finally turning the car off and walking up to the door. I sat my things down and lay across my bed just as my cell phone went off. I groaned as I got back up to grab it from my purse. When I sat back on the bed my heart sped up. It was a text from AJ and I wasn’t ready to answer any of his questions – where I’d been; why I hadn’t called or texted all day. But I was still fighting my feelings for him so I gave in and read the message anyway.
“U ok?”
“I’m fine.” I replied.
“Y’d u ditch 2day?”
“It’s complicated,” was the best and most accurate answer I could give him without needing to go into detail.
“Could’ve just said u don’t wanna talk about it.”
I managed to smile. He’d seemed to figure me out a little already.“Touché,”I replied, knowing he’d catch the hint of cynicism in my tone.
“K, just wanted 2 make sure u were good. Call or text if u need 2 talk.”
“Will do. Thanks for checking on me.”
He took a minute to respond this time. “Of course I’m gonna check on u, but ur welcome.”
My cheeks burned as I blushed just from texting him. The feelings that flared the day before were still very prevalent and it became clear to me that if I was going to stick to my decision I’d have to limit contact with AJ until I was completely over him. I had to consider his feelings too and I didn’t want him to be hurt by my behavior any more than I wanted to hurt Antonio. It was important that I stood firm and didn’t lead AJ on, and nor did I want to be so harsh that I ended up hurting his feelings. That was a tall order, but clearly this was how it had to be.
The next day at school I was careful to avoid AJ in the halls. I didn’t know any of his classes except for the one we shared, so there were a few close calls. I’m sure I looked like a total idiot to this unsuspecting freshman boy when I jumped in some random teacher’s classroom and hid behind her coat rack during passing time, but it was my only escape. AJ was coming down the hall in my direction and I had no other choice. Once I was sure he passed, I continued on to my class.
I skipped lunch and went to the library to avoid him again, but I was fighting the inevitable. Government was next and he’d be sitting beside me in his seat and there would be no getting out of it. I couldn’t afford to skip again, but the thought definitely crossed my mind.