When the bell sounded I was on my feet and on my way out the door. My intentions were to walk to class without being noticed by either Antonio or AJ, but of course that wasn’t the case. I rounded the corner to find Antonio waiting for me outside of my math class.
A smile crossed his face when he saw me approaching. I wished that I could match his enthusiasm, but I felt weary. I found myself missing AJ already, knowing that I’d have to put distance between us. That was the right thing to do. Antonio moved forward, and before I realized it he embraced me. There in his arms, I accepted the decision I’d made. Over and over again I told myself that this felt right, but secretly, I couldn’t deny the fact that something was missing. Somehow, even with that realization, I believed that this was the better option. Me and Antonio were tried and proven. AJ was uncharted territory. Antonio really cared about me. This moment of clarity made me feel like such an idiot. I’d risked so much, and for what? Was it really worth it? I ignored the first answer that came to mind and forced myself to believe that the true response to that question should be ‘no’. With such a rush of emotion, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to control the tears that threatened to spill over, but I had to. I held Antonio tighter to reassure myself that choosing him was right.
The tardy bell sounded but Antonio and I didn’t move from where we stood. The hallways were clear and no one was there except for the two of us. “Do you want me to take you somewhere?” He asked in a soft voice, sensing that something was wrong.
I nodded.
He pulled my chin up with one hand and wiped the one tear that managed to escape with the other. “Come on,” he whispered.
I’d only skipped school two other times in my life, but I wasn’t ready to face AJ just yet – not while I still felt so unsure about everything. This chance to escape was a blessing. Despite the fact that I believed I was doing the right thing, there was an unshakable sadness that settled in on my heart. It weighed me down something terrible.
Antonio and I made our way out to the parking lot without being seen, got into his truck and drove off. I wasn’t sure where we were going and I didn’t bother to ask. We rode in silence without even as much as the sound of the radio. Antonio held my hand in his as he always did when we drove together. I liked that there were some things that I could count on with him. He was comfortingly predictable. He glanced over at me and raised my hand to his lips to kiss it.
Sitting here next to him I was beginning to feel more confident in the decision I’d made; Antonio was the right choice. I leaned my head back on the seat and closed my eyes only to be startled by the sound of AJ’s voice echoing in my head – “I’m just trying to decide whether you’re trying to convince me or yourself.” I heard him as plain as day. My eyes popped open quickly and I sat straight up in my seat. I cleared my throat, trying to dismiss the words. Antonio glanced over at me a few times to make sure I was okay, but didn’t say anything. I did my best to dismiss the harsh reality that fueled AJ’s statement and settled back against the headrest.
We’d driven nearly 30 minutes before finally coming to a stop in the parking lot of a restaurant that I didn’t recognize. I reached to unbuckle my seatbelt and waited as Antonio came around to open my door. He took my hand and led me inside. The waitress seated us at a quiet table in the corner near a window and we were silent for a few minutes before Antonio began to speak. “Do you wanna talk about it, or is it something personal?” He asked.
“It’s not that, I just had some issues to sort out and I guess it was harder than I thought it would be.”