“I understand…..” he finally replied. “…..and I promised you that if you decided that space was what you needed, I’d do my best to give it to you.” He paused and took a step in my direction, causing me to tilt my head back in order to look him in the eye. When he spoke again, it was in a low, forceful tone. “But there’re some things you should know first. I have very strong, and very real feelings for you, Sam. I thought you knew that. And had I known my sincerity was in question I would’ve told you sooner, but that’s beside the point. I won’t force you to do something you’re uncomfortable with, but you’re making a huge mistake,” he said confidently, never blinking, never waning.
My eyes fluttered and I felt a little unsteady on my feet at his admission. AJ was so sure when he spoke that I believed every word of it – for a moment, even the part about this being a mistake. I folded my arms over my chest and struggled not to falter. I clenched my jaw and stared into his eyes. They were filled with so much raw emotion that I could hardly stand it. We stood there for what felt like forever before he finally turned to walk away. I stood there with my back leaned against the car trying to keep it together. His response caught me completely off guard and I was already beginning to second guess myself.
That evening, I received a phone call from Antonio. I’d just settled into bed and turned on the radio when I heard it ring.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” he replied. “What you up to?”
“Nothing, just got ready for bed. I was about to call you,” I answered.
“I guess I beat you to the punch.”
“Yeah, I guess you did,” I said smiling.
“I just wanted to hear your voice again before I went to bed.”
“You act like you miss me or something.”
“Maybe just a little,” he laughed. “I wish I could spend all my time with you.” There was a long pause. “That’s why I’ve been thinking. What if I got an apartment near Charleston so we can still be close to each other and I could just drive the hour to school? I keep thinking about being away from you for days at a time and I don’t think I can handle it.”
That was unexpected. Antonio’s plans for school were already set in place and he was supposed to be staying on campus. It flattered me that he was willing to make such a big sacrifice for me. He really is in love. Tears welled up in my eyes, making the difficult conversation I’d had with AJ seem so much more necessary.
“I would love that,” I replied.
“That’s all I needed to hear. I’ll probably start looking for a place after the first of the year.” I could hear through the phone that he was smiling.
“Sounds good.”
“Alright, well I’m gonna let you get some sleep and I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I love you.”
“You too,” I replied just before disconnecting the call. I reached over, turned my light off and pulled the covers up to my chin. My thoughts were so muddied that I was grateful for a dreamless sleep.
*****
The next morning I must have slept through my alarm because I was startled by the sound of my mother banging on my door and yelling for me to get up. What a great way to start the day. I quickly hopped to my feet, showered, literally swallowed my breakfast, and ran to my car. When I pulled into the parking lot there were no lingering students, indicating just how late I was. I turned the car off and raced for the door.
I wasn’t sure what to expect from AJ. He didn’t try to call or text me after our conversation. It wasn’t my intention to hurt him in any way, but I had to say what I said no matter how unpleasant it was for either of us. In order to stand firm on my decision, I couldn’t allow myself to spend time with him or even communicate with him by phone. My attraction to him was just that strong. How could someone so uncomplicated complicate a situation so much? I forced that thought from my mind because I’d already vowed not to let it be complicated any longer. I’d made my decision and there was no wavering.
I was about ten minutes late, so Mr. Talbert was visibly displeased. I didn’t say a word as I took my seat, but after the bell rang to release us to our first hour, he pulled me aside and lectured me about the consequences of being late to his class. It was strange when he decided to take on the role of disciplinarian because I was so used to him being such a jokester. I listened to his speech and then I was on my way.
I found Antonio in the hall with a couple minutes to spare before the bell would ring. He was glad to see me as always and hugged me like I’d been away for months.